Funeral Question...how to handle 18 month old - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-14-2007, 09:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamabird32's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here...in the moment
Posts: 313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We just found out that my cousin, 35 years old, died yesterday.
She had ovarian cancer, which turned into colon cancer...
Which just completly ate her body up!
She leaves behind her 3 young boys and husband.

My question is: We want to go to the funeral, but don't want our 18 month old to disturb the service.
We don't have a babysitter, and the funeral is 2 hours away.
Do we go, and entertain him outside?
Should we not go at all?
Any ideas would be helpful....we need more options.
We would really like to be there for the family!
Thanks!
mamabird32 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-14-2007, 09:34 PM
 
runes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i am so very sorry for your loss.

we went to a funeral for one of dh's clients on friday, and brought 14 month old dd with us. she did fine during the service (it was about 1 1/2 hours), a few times she got a little antsy and dh took her out into the foyer to walk around for a few minutes, he had to do it because i'm out of commission with a broken foot. we sat in the very back to minimize our possibly bothering others.

we didn't plan as well as we usually do and so i didn't have any little toys in my purse to occupy her. so definitely bring a little bag with some fun quiet toys in it.

there were other babies and young children there as well, they did make a little bit of noise but it wasn't disruptive at all.
runes is offline  
Old 01-15-2007, 12:08 AM
 
bugginsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I lost a very close aunt and my dear grandmother this past April when my ds was 18 months old. We had two funerals and visitations within two weeks. Ds went to both since we have no babysitters, all of our family was also at the services and it was 1.5 hours away. He actually did much better than we anticipated. Dh had to take him out during my grandmothers because he kept wanting to go "hug" her. (Broke my heart...we spent almost every weekend visiting her.) We brought toys, books, snacks, etc. that he could use in the lobby and car during the procession to the cemetary. Oh and sitting near the back is another way to minimize the distractions. Hope that helps.

Erika

mom to the amazing one 10/04 the wife 10/01
bugginsmom is offline  
Old 01-15-2007, 01:59 AM
 
PiePie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: completely present with my children
Posts: 7,085
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
is there anyone there who could watch her? what about alternate caregivers for the deceased's boys whom you would trust? my mom left my brother and me with her sister's neighbors when her mother died. she didn't know them but trusted her sister's judgment.
PiePie is offline  
Old 01-15-2007, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamabird32's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here...in the moment
Posts: 313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks so much for all your replies!

We wound up taking him, which worked out perfectly.
They had a seperate are that was glassed in for parents with babies.
It was a beautiful service...thanks for all your thoughts!

peace
mamabird32 is offline  
Old 01-16-2007, 12:50 AM
 
Igraine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Western, NY
Posts: 1,164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My ds was about that age when my father passed away. I had him watched in the nursery at the church where a few people (close friends and a few of my nieces) helped with the kids.

A friend of ours had their son there and they pretty much nursed him throughout. He never disturbed the service. (And if he did, no one would have cared. Having someone young and full of life at such a tough time is a good thing in my world.)


I think the taboo of having children at services is one that needs changing. Death is part of the cycle of life. Children's laughter and joy is needed at such a time of loss.

Good luck.
Igraine is offline  
Old 01-16-2007, 10:00 AM
 
orangefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Oxfordshire UK
Posts: 3,051
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Igraine View Post
I think the taboo of having children at services is one that needs changing. Death is part of the cycle of life. Children's laughter and joy is needed at such a time of loss.
My children helped me through my dad's funeral and my nan's. At the crematorium with my dad my dd kept asking my mum about the flowers (she's a florist and talks to my children a bout different varieties and stuff) and then pointing at her brother and calling to him when he got up to read.

She made the day seem like an ordinary day - which is wasn't - but there was some normality and all the children made us smile despite our sadness.

mamabird - I'm glad you were able to share in the service for your friend and have your son there with you.
orangefoot is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off