my brother died - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 28 Old 06-03-2003, 07:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i don't like to share too many personal things, but i feel really close to the people here, especially the diapering forum. i have to come to MDC everyday to get my fix, and i tell everyone i can about how great these forums are.

My brother died Friday, he was 32 yrs old, he died of a drug overdose,(my dad, who i'm not very close to, told me, my brother had gotten into drugs about 1 yr ago, and he had checked himself into a drug rehab, was there for 4-6 weeks, then just checked himself out around mothers day, and my dad didn't know where he was, until he was notifed of his death) and i just can't stand that he is gone. Our parents divorced early on and us kids were split up, so although we loved each other, it was not unusually for us kids to go a few months to years without talking. it had been 5 years since i had talked to him.
I always thought we would eventually get "close" but its so easy to stay apart when you grew up that way. but i feel so gulity for all the time that we lost that we could have been getting closer, and that maybe if we were closer he wouldn't have needed drugs to comfort him.
i hate the thought that he is gone.

Amy
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#2 of 28 Old 06-03-2003, 08:11 PM
 
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#3 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 03:32 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. Please take good care of yourself in the days and weeks to come.


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#4 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 06:34 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear this! It must be especially hard for you since you hadn't spoken for so long.
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#5 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 09:29 AM
 
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Amy
I am so sorry you are struggling with such heartbreak. Whatever you do recognize it was his choice and it isn't 'on' you. You have such a sweet, endearing spirit and I know that if you had any idea of what he was struggling with, you would have been right there.

As Jane so wisely suggested, DO take care of yourself and remember the laughs and those parts of life that sustain us. Take time out for yourself to grieve and love with abandon.

s from a fellow diapering momma!
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#6 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 09:43 AM
 
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Amy,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family.

Please don't feel guilty. There is nothing you could have done to keep him away from drugs. I am a recovering drug addict myself and it is just something inside us. It had nothing to do with how loved or happy I was. The first time is just for fun and then your hooked. For some of us the temptation is to great and we go back to it.

Again, I'm so sorry.
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#7 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 10:16 AM
 
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Amy, I'm so sorry for your loss.

xoxo



pamela
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#8 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 10:44 AM
 
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Amy, I am so sorry to hear about your brother Please remember that this is not your fault and take the time to greive over his loss. to you mama, let us know if we can help.
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#9 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 11:13 AM
 
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Amy, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. You are in our thoughts and prayers here at MDC. Here are some cyberhugs
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#10 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 11:29 AM
 
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Amy~

I am so sorry. My brother killed himself about 10 years ago. I finally do not feel guilty anymore, but it took a long time to get here. Intellectually I knew he was sick (he was a drug addict as well) and there was nothing I could have done. Well, it is one thing to *know* something and quite another thing to *feel* it. It will take some time, but the intensity does subside. Until then, allow yourself to get angry and feel whatever you are feeling. We'll be here for you.
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#11 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 12:35 PM
 
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Amy, I'm so sorry for you. What a terrible tragedy. It must be terribly hard to loose someone so unexpectedly. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Listen to all the good mamas here and be gentle and good to yourself and take time to grieve as well.
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#12 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 12:36 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.

Being right is not always fair, but being fair is always right
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#13 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 01:19 PM
 
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Dear Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. My brother died when he was 27 from a drug overdose. Tho, the doctors implied it was accidental because he was sick and taking prescribed Darvon. But, I never felt like I knew the truth or knew what he was going through at the time. I was 18 at the time. I am telling you this only so you know you are not alone. Time does help, but you need to be very gentle with yourself right now. You and your bother are in my thoughts and prayers.

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
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#14 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 01:25 PM
 
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Oh Amy, I am so sorry for this loss!!

I lost my brother 7 years ago. My DH lost his 4 years ago - he shot himself. You are not alone in your grief. Please don't feel guilty, either. We each have a path in Life to follow and you had to let your brother follow his...

Much love to you and your family.

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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#15 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 01:29 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Surround yourself with love and remember your brother as the good man he was, and keep the good times alive in your heart. Talk about him when you feel the need.


I have a sister who I have been estranged from, who has many problems (drugs, developmental disablilities, lost her 5 mo old son to social services etc)...I find it very hard to relate to her and it's been a long time since we've talked...your story has made me feel the need to contact her and at least try.
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#16 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 01:33 PM
 
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Amy,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
It is so hard to lose a loved one and I feel for you and your family. Please take care of yourself and know that the mammas here at mothering are here to listen and lend support to you as you work through your grieving.
I will be sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.
Warmly,
Nicke
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#17 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 01:33 PM
 
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Oh Amy I am so sorry to read this..

Please do not blame yourself for the lack of closeness between you and your brother.
Please think of your brother now as you very own personal who is there to watch over you and your children.

Please know that some of us have experianced similar circumstances and if there is anything I can do please feel free to pm me. I can share my experiance or just listen.

Please take care of yourself. Your family is in my prayers.
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#18 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for the comforting words and thoughts being sent my way. It means a lot to me.

you all are so wonderful

thank you again

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#19 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 07:12 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been very painful to hear all that he had been going through.


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#20 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 10:32 PM
 
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I am so sorry. ((()))) to you.
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#21 of 28 Old 06-04-2003, 11:01 PM
 
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Amy, it's so normal to feel guilty when you've lost someone. It's all a part of the greiving process.

I know deep in your heart that you know there is nothing you could have done to save him. I grew up with two drug/alcoholic parents and I know it's their problum not mine.

When the shock begins to wear off we begin questioning everything. Why did he turn to drugs, why weren't you there, why didn't his friends help him. These are questions that will most likely never be answered.

As time passes, you'll find a place for these questions and also find some peace. You know that you did nothing wrong. The dynamics of every family is different.

How are you handling this with the kids? It's so hard to greive and tell your kids why your so sad. How are you remembering him in your lives?

Please reach out as much as you need to help you work thorugh this.

You'll be in my thoughts.
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#22 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 01:46 AM
 
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Sorry. My brother died too, not an overdose but he was really drunk at the time. He had just signed up to go to a court-ordered treatment program. The 2-year anniversary is actually tomorrow.

I sometimes feel guilty, but mostly angry. Looking at it now I don't think there was anything I could have done. He should not have been where he was in the first place.

I was really mad at his friends too because two of them were in the boat with him and they lived. It could have just as easily been one of them. I sometimes think they shouldn't have let him in the boat as drunk as he was, or they should have made sure he had a life jacket, or made a better effort to save him, or that he never should have been involved with them in the first place. I kept telling him he could come live with me and not have to stay with his friends but that's where he was happy. He knew I wouldn't let him drink at my place.

But no matter what his friends were like, he was still not supposed to be there at the time.

I write letters to him sometimes. I know it's not the same, but some people say it can be healing, especially if there was stuff left unsaid.
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#23 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 05:58 PM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss.

Jennifer
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#24 of 28 Old 06-11-2003, 03:56 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss
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#25 of 28 Old 06-16-2003, 12:22 PM
 
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My sister just died a little over 4 months ago in a car accident. The driver had a blood alch. of .20 and was driving in excess of 80 MPH on a residential street. He lost control and hit a tree in the median.

I have been totally devestated by this. It has taken me until just the last few weeks to start to function.

I am sorry for your loss. It totally sucks. I get so mad at my sister at times. This was totally preventable. While she was not driving, she knew what the guy was like and how he drove. She didn;t have to get in that car that night.


Sorry for unloading on you thread.
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#26 of 28 Old 06-21-2003, 11:53 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my prayers!!! Just like others here have mentioned, feeling guilty is a part of the grieving process. ..... God Bless you and your family.



Melanie
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#27 of 28 Old 06-22-2003, 12:09 AM
 
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Amy:


Much strength to you in this sad time.

Peace, love and happiness,

Mamasoleil
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#28 of 28 Old 07-11-2003, 05:24 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a few months back and I can empathize with the grief that fills your heart. Much love to your and your family during this difficult time.
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