How do I live without my sister? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-27-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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Amy has been on my mind the whole day. All day. I have come here I don't know how many times today, looking up her old posts, seeing her name in everyone's signatures.

I can't imagine what you're going through. At the same time, I've been through some losses that just laid me flat, and I know that what helped me was to know that others remembered and thought of and honored the people to whom I had had to say goodbye. It gave me the ability to take a deeper breath for just that moment to know that someone I had loved had touched the soul of someone I didn't even know. So I'm letting you know that Amy has touched me, just in case it helps you for just a moment to know that.

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Old 06-28-2007, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It is a great way to think. People also told me the same thing...that my sister would be part of my daughter. At the time, I thought I would die of the grief as would my baby. Then I was convinced that my baby would be an unhappy baby having to live inside a body in so much pain. People kept telling me that she would be my greatest joy.....Oh my god, she is!!!!!! She is the happiest, cuddliest, smiliest (is that a word???) baby ever. I thank my sister for having something to do with that. No joke...at three weeks old, she smiled at me. Your baby will get you through this. My older daughter did as well but the baby was somehow connected to my sister differently.

By the way, where are you from?

I still have my sister listed on my cell and my home phone...I even programmed her number in to new phones we got.
Oh thank you, I really hope so.. Someone pm'd me and told me the last person who will kiss my son before he's born, will be Amy... And that made my heart melt..

I'm in NJ.. But hey if you look at my sister's memorial on the top of the page, you'll see my entire name, and where I live... And all my family too...
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Old 06-28-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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I was just curious if you lived close to me. I have a close friend who also lost her sister when she was pregnant with her first (also of cancer). We were friends but became much closer when my sister passed away because we had something so unbelievable in common. If you were local, I was going to suggest we get together. For me, it helped being around her because I knew she really understood.
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Old 06-28-2007, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just curious if you lived close to me. I have a close friend who also lost her sister when she was pregnant with her first (also of cancer). We were friends but became much closer when my sister passed away because we had something so unbelievable in common. If you were local, I was going to suggest we get together. For me, it helped being around her because I knew she really understood.

oh thank you, am I close to you?
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Old 06-28-2007, 09:27 PM
 
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Old 06-28-2007, 10:35 PM
 
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sorry...no. I am in Mass.
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Old 06-28-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry about your loss. If you need someone to talk to, you can send me a PM. My sister passed away less than 2yrs. ago. It seems just like yesterday, we were children. I think about her all the time.
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Old 06-28-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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I knew Amy only from here - though we did talk about meeting at Disney last year - and she was so special to me that I will remember her always.

Please know that your sister is with you right now, even though you can't see her physical body.

Lots of love to you and your family.
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Old 07-02-2007, 01:30 PM
 
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Just checking in after a long absence from MDC. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You and your sister's family will be in my thoughts.
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:13 PM
 
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Just wanted to check in to see how & how her dh is doing. At least a couple times a day I stop to think about you guys.
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to check in to see how & how her dh is doing. At least a couple times a day I stop to think about you guys.
Oh thank you, that is very sweet.. Well I haven't spoken to my BIL since last Wed. He and the boys are currently in CA for his brother's wedding.

He and the boys are keeping very busy, and his family is really awesome, and as soon as he returns from his brother's wedding, his brother (groom) is actually going back to VT to be with them for I think 10 days, and then his other brother is flying up from Fla to be with him, once the other brother leaves. And then Matt and the boys will be coming down here to NJ. We are continuing with my "celebration of life party". Originally it was to honor myself, Amy and our two little guys. Now we are honoring us and Amy's life. We have a lot of friends and family who are coming that weren't able to go to her memorial. And Matt and the boys will be there as well.

Otherwise, Matt claims the oldest Aidan (5yr old), is remarkably coping the best. He doesn't want to talk about the death, if someone brings it up, but he will say stuff out of the blue. He says that he's "happy mommy is gone, as she's no longer in pain" And he mentioned that he "wants to die, so he can see her again".. Aidan is a very bright boy, and he has always had the means to articulate his feelings. Owen (2.5yr old) has been very very clingy and whiny, and Matt is having a hard time walking out of a room without him. Matt is still in shock.

I've found that with each day, so far it doesn't get better. I've found like others have said that grief comes in waves. I'll be fine one minute and in tears the next. I've found like clockwork, my body lets go at certain times, ie. car rides. I'm also trying to relax, as now I'm having panic attacks. I try not to think too much about never seeing, or talking, or hearing her voice again, as I'll have an attack. Otherwise I'm not sure how much this will affect me once the babe is here. I'm not sure if I'll be more suceptible to PPD?

Otherwise I need to look into grief counseling. I joined an on-line group, but it's not very helpful.. I also want to find a counselor that will accept my BIL and kids insurance, that way I can do the leg work for him, and then hopefully he'll make the call.

It's only been 3 1/2 wks, but I am so so devastated without her. I always thought we'd re-kindle everything by the time my ds2 was born, and even though I wasn't sure if she could come down for the birth, I knew I'd be on the phone with her for support. I was the first one to be called when both of her children were born, and it was the same for my ds. They were actually the only ones that were allowed to visit me ... Amy was never a punctual person, but boy she raced to the hospital to see me, all tagging alone Matt the boys and food.. It's going to be so so painful to not be able to share my birth with her. I just want her back... There are so many times I wonder how I'm going to get thru my life without her. She was my best friend, and I'm so alone without her. At time it doesn't even seem real. I keep waiting for her to call and say our standard expression.. "yo, what is up"

But I'll never ever talk to her again, and it pains me to realize that..
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Old 07-03-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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...It's going to be so so painful to not be able to share my birth with her...
Don't you worry mama! You will share this birth with Amy. She will be the strength you find inside of you during the hardest part of your labor. She will always be there when life is tough...just close your eyes and ask her to help you through it. Amy is your guardian angel now and she will walk with you silently.

I hope you find Peace soon, Jessica. I'm also here if you need someone to lean on.

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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Old 07-03-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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For everyone here who asked how to link to pictures of their loved one's, I've created instructions so you can do that. Click here. I look forward to seeing your family's beautiful faces!


WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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Old 07-03-2007, 04:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Don't you worry mama! You will share this birth with Amy. She will be the strength you find inside of you during the hardest part of your labor. She will always be there when life is tough...just close your eyes and ask her to help you through it. Amy is your guardian angel now and she will walk with you silently.

I hope you find Peace soon, Jessica. I'm also here if you need someone to lean on.

thank you.. so much, your words give me such strength and comfort.. I've received so many comforting blessings here, and I've copied and pasted them all, and every single day I go back and all the words everyone has written, truly give me the strength to continue..

Blu Razz. I love your sig, and thanks for the f/u post, I will get some pictures on my sig.. I'm sure everyone will be surprised on how we look nothing alike.
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Old 07-03-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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My heart goes out to you and your family. My older sister/best friend (by 18 months) just passed away too from cancer 6 1/2 weeks ago (she was 30) and my BIL gave me a book shortly after called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It is a daily meditation book that I have found offers comfort at times and helps me to remember how lucky I am to have had her as my big sister and to appreciate life now bec that's what she would've wanted. I know there are no words that can make the pain easier...and at times the pain seems unbearable. I have already noticed signs and feelings that my sister is still watching over me and my family just as your sister is for yours. if there's ever a time you want to talk let me know
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Old 07-04-2007, 05:44 AM
 
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Amy's life has changed mine. She certainly left her mark in the physical world! I'm thankful for having been able to have some short communications with her. Her words were very kind.


WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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Old 07-05-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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I know I owe you a PM mama, but want to tell you that I am still sending much strength and your way mama.

the party sounds wonderful. as for her kiddos and DH, and you as well, it's going to take alot of time. years, unfortunatley. none of you will ever be the same either. it's all about learning to live again. it will get easier. but it will also get harder too. it's ok though, you are still whole and you are going to come through this

I thought I would be more apt to get PPD too after my DH died, but I didn't. nursing helped sooo much. I hope it's a non issue for you.

that siad, I think some depression is perfectly normal and actually healthy. society wants to just "fix" it all the time and unfortunatley there's no way to fix grief. I'mnot saying be drepressed and wallow but you do need to let yourself feel what you are feeling,yk? hope this makes sense.

(and totally OT-I would love to see pics too!)

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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Old 07-05-2007, 08:20 PM
 
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Im so sorry, i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, hugs
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Old 07-05-2007, 10:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by autumnsdanebabies View Post
My heart goes out to you and your family. My older sister/best friend (by 18 months) just passed away too from cancer 6 1/2 weeks ago (she was 30) and my BIL gave me a book shortly after called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It is a daily meditation book that I have found offers comfort at times and helps me to remember how lucky I am to have had her as my big sister and to appreciate life now bec that's what she would've wanted. I know there are no words that can make the pain easier...and at times the pain seems unbearable. I have already noticed signs and feelings that my sister is still watching over me and my family just as your sister is for yours. if there's ever a time you want to talk let me know
thank you.. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. I feel like they may be shining down on both of us.
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Old 07-05-2007, 10:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought I would be more apt to get PPD too after my DH died, but I didn't. nursing helped sooo much. I hope it's a non issue for you.

that siad, I think some depression is perfectly normal and actually healthy. society wants to just "fix" it all the time and unfortunatley there's no way to fix grief. I'mnot saying be drepressed and wallow but you do need to let yourself feel what you are feeling,yk? hope this makes sense.

(and totally OT-I would love to see pics too!)

Thanks. My body's been taxing me lately, and I spent the past two days in and out of the emergency room. ( I have a post in my Sept DDC), but I'll be okay.

I find it ironic that you wrote about people wanting to "fix it". Just last night I was talking to my dad and I mentioned I've been having panic attacks, and he told me I needed to "forget about it" and "don't think about it, because it's over".. I don't even have the time now, to right all my emotions on this, but I'm amazed that someone thinks I could just "forget about it". Especially since this came from our father..: And does he really wonder why he and Amy never had a relationship? No, he's mad that I listed him last on the obituary.. Oh, hello, dad, you haven't spoken to Amy in the past 2 yrs..: And never had a relationship before that.

I know it's going to take the rest of my life to re-live without her.. I always think of the analogy that my "heart will heal".. I feel like there is this big gapping whole, and it's going to take a lifetime to try and repair that.. And when it's somewhat repaired, it will never ever be the same. There will always be this "scar" there will always be the reminder of how it was brought upon.

But once again, thank you to all the mama's here on MDC, you are all truly the one thing that is getting me thru each day..
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Old 07-05-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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No, you'll never forget her, and you can't just "put it behind you." Try not to take the advice of another grieving person too personally- your Dad may simply not know how to deal with his own grief, and yours on top of his might have been too much for him to bear.

Eventually, you'll develop a new kind of "normal." But it's going to take a lot of time.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:55 AM
 
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Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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Old 08-07-2007, 10:13 AM
 
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I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I have been having a tough couple of weeks as well.
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