How do I live without my sister? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Today is day 5 without her, and I can't even remember life with her alive.

I've been with her husband and kids for this time, and today is the first day, I'm here, having to think...

How do I celebrate the fact that I beat my cancer and she didn't..

I don't know what to do, besides crying. She was my older sister, I've known her as long as I've known how to breath.. And now she's gone

How do I keep living?
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#2 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 03:31 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I just joined the forum and did not know your sister, but I have been reading a bit about it and I am just so terribly sad for you, her family, and all that loved her.

While I can not say I know what you are going through, I can say I know loss first hand and hope you talk to people about your feelings. It is important. One thing I have learned is it never goes away, but in time, it does get easier- though I know how little that means right now.

I know you don't know me, I know I am brand new, but having gone through loss myself, it may be helpful to talk to others who have lost someone they love. I'm willing to listen, talk and comfort.
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#3 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 05:31 PM
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How do you live without her? You just do.

I know how hard it is to go on when someone you love has died, but it gradually get easier.
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#4 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 05:34 PM
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#5 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 05:38 PM
 
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Oh honey... I'm so sorry for you. Honestly, I don't know how you will do it. I cannot even imagine it. Just know that so many people will feel this same loss and they will survive it too... and you will. Hold her memory and her family close...
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#6 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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I'm so, so very sorry...
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#7 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 08:00 PM
 
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I'm so very, very sorry.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#8 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 09:24 PM
 
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Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#9 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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mighthy mama..check your PM box.

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#10 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 11:02 PM
 
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#11 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 11:05 PM
 
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#12 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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Oh, but she's still with you..she's all around you - in your memories, in your heart. She'll always be there even though it's not the same.

Keep reaching out and talking about your feelings. Thats all you can do. In time, you will feel calmer. Just try to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and then let it go, out into the universe.

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#13 of 83 Old 06-13-2007, 11:20 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister died in a car accident 2/9/03.

There were times I felt like I couldn't go on, thankfully they passed.

Don't think about the future, focus on getting through each moment; one step at a time.

Over time, you will figure out how to function with your grief.

I found a sibling grief message board that helped. I think it was www.adultsiblinggrief.com

Peace and healing to you.
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#14 of 83 Old 06-14-2007, 01:19 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I can't imagine.
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#15 of 83 Old 06-14-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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I wish I had an answer for you. For me, doing things to help memorialize my loved one, helped me and my pain. I still cried while memorializing them, but I was having pain with a purpose. The pain was so maddening that "doing" something, helped me live with the day to day loss. How do we live without our loved ones? Somehow, we just do. But not without missing their beautiful presence in our lives. Our grief ebbs and flows like the ocean. Some days are worse then others. Please know though, that we are here to listen and hold you in your grief. Today and in a year from now. Just know that you are not alone.

Warmly,

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#16 of 83 Old 06-15-2007, 01:32 AM
 
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I wish I knew. I can truly understand your pain right now and hope that you feel comforted by your family and the knowledge that she was a wonderful person with a full and blissful life. My sister in law recently gave me a figurine thing and on the side it says

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."
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#17 of 83 Old 06-15-2007, 05:12 AM
 
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I'm so very sorry. I lost my brother many many years ago. I do not know what to say except that I have been thinking of you and your family for the past five days.
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#18 of 83 Old 06-15-2007, 11:02 AM
 
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Time will show you how to live without her and with her memory I can't imagine the pain of losing a sister. My heart goes out to you.
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#19 of 83 Old 06-17-2007, 12:49 PM
 
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mightymama,

today is father's day...how is Kundalini's husband?

hugs to you all.

glad myPM made sense..to both of us!!!:

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#20 of 83 Old 06-17-2007, 05:36 PM
 
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I want to say what's on my heart but I'm afraid it will come out all jumbled....please know my prayers/thoughts are with you....I cant imagine how I would deal with such a difficult loss.....please stay connected here as we all want to keep you lifted up in our thoughts/prayers and be able to talk and help in any way we all can

Here's me I married then we had dd15 , dd11 , ds10 , and then and now we and I blog!
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#21 of 83 Old 06-17-2007, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracy View Post
mightymama,

today is father's day...how is Kundalini's husband?

hugs to you all.

glad myPM made sense..to both of us!!!:
I actually talked to him this am for a few minutes.. But he was saying goodbye to his father and sister.. (his dad has been with him, since before her passing..)

My brother talked to him a few hrs ago, and said he sounded upset.. My dh just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago, and he thinks he sounded okay.. My fear is since 12noon today he's been with just himself and the boys, and I think the realization that she's not here is going to hit now.. I told him it's okay to let the boys see your emotions. I told him, it's okay for them to see you miss their mom. I told him they need to see it, because they need to know it's okay to miss her too..

I'm not sure if it helps, but he's got a lot of plans for the summer. Next week him and the boys are flying out to his brother's wedding in CA... Then he'll be coming down here to NJ for 10+ days. Then they'll be going to Oregon in Aug. So I think in his mind, he's just trying to keep busy.. But I know there will be plenty of downtime for him to think...

I feel so much more stable at the moment, And I think the basis of your "PM" has helped me to a more peaceful state. I've had many many spiritual feelings that she is here with me, and I believe she guiding me thru this. So what my dh and I can do for my BIL, is to listen and keep contact with him and give him our support.
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#22 of 83 Old 06-18-2007, 03:07 AM
 
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I am glad you are feeling more stable. You should...you know why...

I'm sure she is guiding you guys. And she is probably around your BIL and definitely the boys. This is a given in my mind.

hugging you hard...

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#23 of 83 Old 06-18-2007, 12:37 PM
 
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OT and please please forgive me but Tracy, if you would, PM me and tell me why. I always appreciate your take on things and I could really use something positive to focus on right now.
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#24 of 83 Old 06-18-2007, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jörð View Post
OT and please please forgive me but Tracy, if you would, PM me and tell me why. I always appreciate your take on things and I could really use something positive to focus on right now.
did she send it to you? If not pm me, I'll send what she wrote, and my response
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#25 of 83 Old 06-18-2007, 08:14 PM
 
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Not yet. Thank you!
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#26 of 83 Old 06-21-2007, 04:35 PM
 
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Mighty- I have to say that I came across a post where you and your sister were having fun posting to each-other and she was calling you names for writing on her post. It made me both laugh and cry. You two sounded close and healing from all of this only happens with a lot of time.

Please know that reading your funny back and forth posts moved me and probably others when/if they come across them. I will call my own sister today and let her know I love her as I now have a reminder of how short and precious life can be.

If it's not too much to ask, I would really love to see a picture of your sis and you if you have one available. I understand and respect if you choose to keep that private as well.

Sending you much love, healing and health through this next year.

Regina
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#27 of 83 Old 06-21-2007, 06:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mighty-mama View Post
How do I keep living?


You just do. You just keep breathing, and you just keep putting one foor down after another, and it never stops hurting, but eventually it's not as raw.

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#28 of 83 Old 06-21-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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I'm so sorry

Amy & DH, homeschooling Mama to
DD 9 love.gif DS 7 yrs   
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#29 of 83 Old 06-21-2007, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by simple living mama View Post
Mighty- I have to say that I came across a post where you and your sister were having fun posting to each-other and she was calling you names for writing on her post. It made me both laugh and cry. You two sounded close and healing from all of this only happens with a lot of time.

Please know that reading your funny back and forth posts moved me and probably others when/if they come across them. I will call my own sister today and let her know I love her as I now have a reminder of how short and precious life can be.

If it's not too much to ask, I would really love to see a picture of your sis and you if you have one available. I understand and respect if you choose to keep that private as well.

Sending you much love, healing and health through this next year.

Regina
oh, I vaguely remember that.. We liked to have fun.. It was especially fun to mess w/ family, as apparently we have the same "phone" voice. Both our dh's and our mother can't tell us apart..

On a funny note, I once called her husband at work, and said some graphic sexual things, and he thought it was her, and then realized she would never do what I said.. OMG it was so funny, and then I was so disturbed as I knew for a second I turned him on... Oh, it was so gross..... I think both of us peed our pants that day.. Another time, our mother wasn't answering my sister's calls, so she called and once she got the answering machine she said "It's jessica pick up".. And our mom did, boy Amy was so mad..

the good times I'll miss.

***oh, I want to add some pictures on my signature line, but I can't figure it out, If you can tell me, I'll be able to do it probably this weekend.. Just to warn you, I don't think we look anything alike. She was petite, brown eyes, brown hair. I'm taller, and blonde and blue...
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#30 of 83 Old 06-22-2007, 12:16 AM
 
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I have an older sister too... She's 38 and I'm 22 so there's quite an age difference. But I'm closer to her than I am to anyone--including DH and my mother! So on some level, I know how you feel... I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I offer you love, hugs and healing energy!

Peace to you,

LK
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