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-   -   My mom died last week...now what do I do (http://www.mothering.com/forum/64-grief-loss/712414-my-mom-died-last-week-now-what-do-i-do.html)

mum4boys 07-15-2007 05:19 PM

My mom died July 5th after a short battle with pancreatic cancer. She got to see my baby girl who is named after her. I have been with my dad helping him with everything but last night we came back home. I have not been home in weeks. Now I am sitting here just bawling. I had an awesome mom. She was the best. I am not sure how I am going to live without her. When we got home our house was flooded so we are dealing with that lovely mess on top of everything else.

KMK_Mama 07-15-2007 05:50 PM

I'm so sorry.

miguelsmom 07-15-2007 05:57 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and now with your house flooding too! I hope you find the time you need to deal with all the emotions that come with loosing a parent. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself all the moments you need to reflect on your mom and what she meant to you.

All the best

Kate

notsosuremom 07-15-2007 08:24 PM

This is really beautiful!


MOTHER
This is a truly BEAUTIFUL piece. Please
read this at a slow pace, digesting every word and in
leisure...do not hurry....this is a treasure...

For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom,
this is beautiful. For those of us who aren't, this is
even more beautiful. For those who are moms, you'll love this.


The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is
this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard.
And you will be old before you reach the end of it.. But
the end will be better than the beginning."


But the young mother was happy, and she would not
believe that anything could be better than these years. So she
played with her children, and gathered flowers for
them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and
the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,
"Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."



Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was
dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother
drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said,
"Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."



And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and
the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary.
But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there."
So the children climbed, and when they reached the top
they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."



And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up
at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my
children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.
Today, I've given them strength."



And the next day came strange clouds which darkened
the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped
and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.
" And the children looked and saw above the clouds
an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the
darkness. And that night the Mother said,
"This is the best day of all, for
I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and
the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent.
But her children were tall and strong, and walked with
courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her,
for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill,
and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And
mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end
is better than the beginning, for my children can
walk alone, and their children after them."



And the children said, "You will always walk with us,
Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates
closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her
but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She
is a living presence......."



Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper
of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand
on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives
inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.
She's the place you came from, your first home; and
she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love
and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can
separate you.

Not time, not space... not even death!

gratefulbambina 07-15-2007 09:48 PM

I'm so sorry

beansavi 07-15-2007 09:51 PM

Thinking of you and holding you in the light.

Genesis 07-15-2007 10:21 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

RachelGS 07-16-2007 07:52 PM

I'm so incredibly sorry. Go ahead and cry, mama. Grief feels awful but your mom is worthy of your tears. Peace and comfort to you in what must be an unimaginably dreadful time.

mum4boys 07-16-2007 08:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by notsosuremom View Post
This is really beautiful!


MOTHER
This is a truly BEAUTIFUL piece. Please
read this at a slow pace, digesting every word and in
leisure...do not hurry....this is a treasure...

For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom,
this is beautiful. For those of us who aren't, this is
even more beautiful. For those who are moms, you'll love this.


The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is
this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard.
And you will be old before you reach the end of it.. But
the end will be better than the beginning."


But the young mother was happy, and she would not
believe that anything could be better than these years. So she
played with her children, and gathered flowers for
them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and
the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,
"Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."



Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was
dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother
drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said,
"Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."



And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and
the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary.
But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there."
So the children climbed, and when they reached the top
they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."



And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up
at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my
children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.
Today, I've given them strength."



And the next day came strange clouds which darkened
the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped
and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.
" And the children looked and saw above the clouds
an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the
darkness. And that night the Mother said,
"This is the best day of all, for
I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and
the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent.
But her children were tall and strong, and walked with
courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her,
for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill,
and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And
mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end
is better than the beginning, for my children can
walk alone, and their children after them."



And the children said, "You will always walk with us,
Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates
closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her
but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She
is a living presence......."



Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper
of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand
on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives
inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.
She's the place you came from, your first home; and
she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love
and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can
separate you.

Not time, not space... not even death!

That was beautiful

mum4boys 07-16-2007 08:10 PM

thank you everyone.
Today seems a little rougher.

KJoslyn78 07-17-2007 08:59 PM

: i am so sorry mama - i too know your pain - as my mom died july 6th (just after midnight, so i sometimes get confused and say thursday while is actually the 5th).. anyways... i really am sorry for your loss too : and i hope the rough days beging to get better for you

straighthaircurly 07-17-2007 11:29 PM

I am so sorry for your loss and the mess of your house. These are tough times for you and you deserve a lot of hugs. I lost my mother 12 years ago and while the pain has lessoned I still cry at times (like right now)

The best thing to do for yourself is to give yourself permission to grieve. It means different things to different people, but make no apologies for grieving. Cry as much as you need, find joy where you can (like the fact that your mother was able to meet her granddaughter). Fir me, keeping a photo of my grandmother holding my mom as a baby, a photo of my mom holding me as a baby, and a photo of me holding my son hung on the wall that I viewed when breastfeeding my ds. It gave me a quiet time to reflect, remember, cry, and tell stories to my son. Think about what would give you the most peace and sanctuary in this time. Best wishes and lots more hugs!

trinity6232000 07-18-2007 06:41 AM

Heidi I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I'm sure this has been a really painful time,
especially so close to giving birth. I can't imagine all the emotions your going threw.

When I lost my Mom last September the women here at MDC were a huge comfort. I hope
you can find some of that same support here as well.

We have a tribe here at MDC Mom's Without Mother's - Part 4 if you ever need support, a
hug, or love from Mama's who have been there.

Your in my thoughts.

georgia 07-18-2007 02:31 PM

I'm so sorry

My thoughts and prayers are with you

happymomma 07-18-2007 02:35 PM

I am so sorry. I lost my mama when I was 15. Somehow you just keep waking up and going on. Its surreal and you will never be the same, see the world the same...it always helps me to remember that my parents would not want me to live life grieving...they would want me to make the absolute most out of what I have. So whenever I get really down I try and remember that I need to live and try very hard to be happy for them...to honor their memory. ((hugs))

mum4boys 07-23-2007 05:12 PM

thanks everyone for your support. Its been a tough go.

Broken Butterfly 07-27-2007 03:00 AM

I am so so sorry. I lost my mother not quite 5 months ago, and it has been sheer hell without her. She was my everything...aside from my children, I will never love anyone like I loved her. She was such an incredible woman. I'm still floundering, wondering how on Earth I can keep going; I still cry every day, pick up the phone to call her I don't know how many times every day, and I keep 'forgetting' that she's gone. I see things and think how much she would love that, and I go to buy it or make it for her, and I remember...oh...right. I've devised a few ways of working with this grief, and you are very welcome to PM me - I'll check out the tribe later, I haven't been there in a while, and I'll post as well there. Be good to yourself, and don't try to force yourself to NOT grieve, or move on in any way before you're ready. I finally did manage to set up some regular grief counselling, which I'll be starting soon, because I've gotten to the point where the pain is getting worse, rather than better, and also have temporarily increased my depression and anxiety meds. Normally it would take a lot to make me go that far, but as I've told people, I never in a million years imagined that a person could feel pain like this, and still manage to breathe. You're in my thoughts, as is your wonderful mother. *hugs*

ParisAnne 08-19-2007 04:11 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother passed just over 5 months ago from Pancreatic cancer. I can't tell you how strong those emotions are in the first few months, Anger, Denial, disbelief, saddness... I'd say the first 3 weeks or so I was in a bit of a haze and denial, then the saddness and anger really hit. I was in the hospital room with my mom when she passed. She battled it for 2 1/2 years, but still it was a shock when she died. I knew she wouldn't make it through spring, but I didn't expect her to go that day. She was supposed to be checking into the hospital that morning to help her up her calorie count, feel better, etc.. and her bf called and said we'd better hurry over as she was not doing well. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, and I still can't believe she's gone.

I would say I'm doing very similiar to Broken Butterfly said she is doing. I still have not taken my moms number out of my cell phone. I don't know when I can do that. Her pic is on the wall in this months calendar, a pic from last year with my dd in her lap, and they are smiling so big. I still have boxes of her stuff around my house to go to. It's so hard to look at pics or anything else of hers most of the time. I know it will get better eventually, it has slowly over the past few months, but my heart will never stop aching for her.

Blessed Be.

rachelle-a-tron 08-19-2007 02:35 PM

Bless all you Mamas who have lost your Mamas.

Wishing you all Peace & Strength...

delighted.mama 08-19-2007 04:05 PM

So sorry mama.....sending prayers your way that your heart may find peace and healing!

Starzella 08-21-2007 07:25 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom the day after Mother's Day this year. Some days are extremely difficult. Just when I think I will be OK, it hits me hard all over again. I lost my Mother due to an accident. I don't have any advice other than let yourself grieve. God bless.

prairiemommy 08-22-2007 08:15 PM

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. It is hard but you will find peace.


papschmitty 08-23-2007 12:33 AM


I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds just like mine. She was an amazing mom, grandma, and friend. She was diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer on June 1st and passed away on August 8th. She got so sick, so fast that we were never able to definitively determine the primary site. We have a strong suspicion that it was pancreatic. I have no idea how I'm going to be a good mom to DD without my mom to guide me. Life feels very empty without her right now.

I wish I had something to tell you that would take your pain away and help it all to make sense. I don't. Cancer sucks; death sucks. People keep telling me it just takes time to heal and I'm sure it's true but that day seems so very far away. Just remember that there's no wrong way to grieve. Whatever you're feeling, whether it's hopelessness, anger, hopefulness, and just feeling numb, it's OK.

Please know that we are here for you. To listen, not to judge, and just provide support. I get a lot of comfort talking about my mom and my grief on MDC. The mamas are wonderfully supportive. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'd be happy to walk this journey with you.

Try to be gentle with yourself. I know, it's easier said than done. You'll be in my prayers.

Peace,
Andrea


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