Believe me, my kids don't see his mother; as a matter of fact, my husband was the one who pretty much cut off contact with her as he couldn't deal with her and her toxicity any more. My girls don't even know who she is. We were at a wedding in June and she was there and shetook my oldest to show her something and she came up to me and said "mommy, that lady took me to show me something." I asked her who and she pointed to her and said her. I told her who she was and she just said, oh.
But yeah, I DON'T want her around my kids as I don't want them turning out like my h did. NO THANK YOU.
As far as my other home and why it hasn't sold, I'm not sure. It's a half of a duplex, rather small and I guess with the housing market being like it is, who really wants to buy half a house? We fixed up the kitchen, it has new windows, the bathroom was redone, so I have no idea. As far as the house we were living in, I just don't know that I could live there ever again. I don't think that I could ever go down in the basement without imagining my h in his last moments of life, imagining him getting everything ready, forever be reminded of his suicide, KWIM? When I have gone into the house to feed the cats and pick up a few things for the girls, the house seems so empty and feels sad. I know that sounds corny, but it's the truth. I went there last week and was looking at everything we were supposed to do and I was thinking back to where I was standing in the front yard when the police told me what he'd done. I go in the house and think about what he did and just make up what he did and what he was doing before he decided to kill himself and I can't help doing it, it just happens. I don't think I could live like that in that house for that reason. Does that make sense??
Right now we're living with my mom and she's fine with us being there. She said I can stay as long as I need to. I start school (nursing school) this week and she says that it'll be easier on the kids as I won't have to drive them anywhere to be babysat while I'm in class and they can just fall asleep and not have to be roused from sleep and taken back home since I'm taking evening classes.
So in a way, my money situation is ok. I help out here with cleaning and buying food and stuff, my other (newer) van is gone and I have an old paid for by my brother van that he bought for me when my h took the new van away and I didn't think that I'd have a car again, so no car payment. We get WIC and they get CHIP from the state. We get social security, and I'm going to roll over his 401k, otherwise if I took it out, I'd have to pay something like 20% in taxes on it. They said that I'll be able to take money out as I need to.
I'm just really feeling nervous since I'm starting school. I need to do good for my girls, so that I can get an RN position and be able to provide for them. If I fail, it'll feel like I've failed them.
As far as his family goes, I avoid them. I am always on the lookout when I go to the grocery stores because I've seen them there a couple of times. That's another reason I want to do well in school is so that I can get an RN degree and move away from here, maybe up north to the area where my mom has a cabin since the girls love it up there, it's real country and lots of farms and just nature is all around. Then best of all, I'll never have to worry about seeing his family and their messed up ways ever again.