My good friend died suddenly - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-22-2003, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We came home from vacation this afternoon, and I had an email that came the day we left last week. My good friend Kerry collapsed at home, and was pronounced dead at the hospital. She was 28.

I can't believe she's gone. She was one of the most vivacious life loving people that I know. She had been married for two years, and taught 60 violin students every week. She had a real gift for teaching kids and touching other peoples' lives.

We played together in a professional orchestra, and I can't imagine going back to play without her.

I just can't believe this is real.
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#2 of 10 Old 07-22-2003, 07:57 PM
 
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I can't offer you much but hugs right now. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
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#3 of 10 Old 07-22-2003, 08:04 PM
 
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I am so sorry.

Death is hard enough, and trying to wrap your head around this one might take a while. How awful for you, her husband, her parents.
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#4 of 10 Old 07-22-2003, 09:02 PM
 
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I am so sorry.
Have you missed the funeral?
If so, maybe you can get together with some other musicians.
Also, you might want to find her obituary in your local newspaper, if you save those sorts of things.

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#5 of 10 Old 07-22-2003, 11:43 PM
 
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I am so, so sorry for your loss. Its so hard to make any sense of it and sudden loss can be so difficult. Sending you support and hugs. Please, please know that we are here for you. come and share her memory her and your memories of her.

Much Love & Peace~

Lisa

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#6 of 10 Old 07-22-2003, 11:54 PM
 
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i am so sorry
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#7 of 10 Old 07-23-2003, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all of your posts. My husband knew Kerry, but not all that well. So he is there for me, but not really sharing my grief. It helps to have other places to share her memory.

I did miss her funeral. The email came the day that we left for vacation. Kerry died last Tuesday, and the funeral was on Friday. I keep imagining Kerry's reaction, if we had left our vacation to go to her funeral. "Oh no, don't do that! It's just a funeral - enjoy your vacation!" I always saw her put others first.

We spent some time together just last month. I was supposed to teach for an Institute, but their enrollment dropped and they "unhired" me. My husband's conference was in Kerry's hometown that same week, so Kerry invited me to teach two classes for her students. I had a great time teaching her kids, then we went out for Thai food. Kerry paid me out of her pocket for the classes. She didn't tell me that, but I'm pretty sure she didn't charge her students anything extra.

Kerry was just very generous, and she was always smiling.

She was one of those special friends - we clicked from the moment we met. That doesn't happen often for me. We had a lot in common - we played the same instrument, went to school in the same area, played in some of the same orchestras in that area. We didn't see each other all that often - maybe once a month. But I was always so GLAD to see her! We would email some, but she was a lousy letter writer.

I kept waking up thinking about her last night. I'm going to give one of our friends a call this afternoon. We all travel to play in the orchestra, so we're spread out geographicallly. Our other good friend left for a seminar today.
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#8 of 10 Old 08-23-2003, 05:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I played a concert last weekend with the orchestra we played in together. It was good to see my friends, and to talk about Kerry with people who loved her.

I did find out more about how she died. I had already heard that she had a blood clot that traveled to her lungs. But I found out last weekend that she HAD been to see a doctor. The doctor diagnosed her leg pain as a strained muscle, and left it at that. If an ultrasound had been administered, they would have found the Deep Vein Thrombosis.

Kerry woke up in pain, having trouble breathing, and told her husband that he would have to walk the dog that morning. When he came back, she was gone.

Her husband is coming back to play with the orchestra this season. I'm glad. But I can't imagine how hard that will be for him.

I still miss Kerry intensely, but my daily life is starting to feel more normal.
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#9 of 10 Old 08-29-2003, 09:32 AM
 
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I'm so sorry! How sad for you, your friend, and her family.

You will be in my thoughts.
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#10 of 10 Old 08-29-2003, 01:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hilary,
I do know that the coroner found some tissue damage in the area where the clot formed. He suggested that there may have been an old sports injury there. Kerry played varsity basketball in high school.

I had wondered if her teaching schedule may have played a role. Kerry taught 60 violin students every week. She worked long hours. I know with my own teaching, with students scheduled back to back it's easy to get stuck sitting down all day.

At this point, we're just left with speculations. I had heard more about DVT in relation to long plane trips. I would like to see more awareness in relation to the workplace and symptoms.
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