Cousins 3 day old died suddenly - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 10-07-2007, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

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#2 of 18 Old 10-07-2007, 01:58 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#3 of 18 Old 10-07-2007, 03:36 PM
 
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mam, I'm so sorry. But, I just wanted you to know, that I understand your attachment to the clothing. Your cousin may be very attached to some of the items as well.

Have you considered just telling her that you would be willing to come pack up the clothing into boxes for her and she can look at them when the timing is right? Chances are there are some special pieces that you want to keep and maybe at some point, you will feel comfortable asking her for those.

Maybe even ask her if she'd like for you to come with her to choose a dress for the funeral for her sweet baby girl? Or maybe when it comes right down to it, perhaps it would be an honor to have her baby buried in such a special dress?

Steph, wife to C, mama to O :, E , and I :.
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#4 of 18 Old 10-07-2007, 03:49 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.


knit.gifMama to reading.gif  and  babygirl.gif
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#5 of 18 Old 10-07-2007, 09:58 PM
 
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Clothing is just clothing.

You need to be there for the services, if you possibly can. They will need all the support they can get now. How sad.
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#6 of 18 Old 10-07-2007, 10:07 PM
 
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I have to agree with sleeplessmommy... clothing is nothing compared to a life without your child.

My Son died at 2 months old & if someone in my family was worried about some clothes I would have kicked them to the curb forever.

I am very sorry for your families loss... my heart goes out to your cousin.

I hope you can make some peace with the clothing situation.
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#7 of 18 Old 10-08-2007, 09:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202 View Post
Maybe even ask her if she'd like for you to come with her to choose a dress for the funeral for her sweet baby girl? Or maybe when it comes right down to it, perhaps it would be an honor to have her baby buried in such a special dress?


Right now, I'd bet that your cousin wants to bury *herself* with her daughter. I know it's not easy for you, but please - don't say a word to her (or anyone who might let it get back to her) about the clothes or the burial outfit, unless it's something along the lines that peilover suggested.

Having been there myself, that mother is probably hoping to God that she'll someday have another child who can wear those clothes. Maybe she's putting them away in a closet, maybe she's thinking that she'll return them to you. She's probably not even considering giving them to strangers or a charity.

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#8 of 18 Old 10-08-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for the devastating loss your family has suffered. I think you know at this point to forget about clothing. The "clothing" occupying your mind isn't really "clothing". I think there's some primal part of you trying to protect your daughter and her clothing feels like an extension of her. You are in shock understandably and after some reflection you will be able to let go of these feelings.
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#9 of 18 Old 10-08-2007, 11:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ary99 View Post
I'm so sorry for the devastating loss your family has suffered. I think you know at this point to forget about clothing. The "clothing" occupying your mind isn't really "clothing". I think there's some primal part of you trying to protect your daughter and her clothing feels like an extension of her. You are in shock understandably and after some reflection you will be able to let go of these feelings.
I think this is so insightful.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
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#10 of 18 Old 10-09-2007, 12:46 AM
 
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I am so sorry.

I agree with Ary99 about how the worries about the clothes probably aren't REALLY about the clothes - that's just what you have to latch onto. I think I would be thinking the same thing - not because I'm so selfish that all I can think of is the clothes, but because I wouldn't be able to bring myself to thinking beyond that, because that's just too awful.

Again, I'm so sorry.
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#11 of 18 Old 10-09-2007, 12:53 AM
 
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i am so very sorry.
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#12 of 18 Old 10-09-2007, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

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#13 of 18 Old 10-09-2007, 11:44 AM
 
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Im glad the clothes thing is all ironed out... I am glad you got to spend some time with your cousin. I hope peace heals all your hearts.
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#14 of 18 Old 10-10-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for the loss of this baby. I'm glad you're feeling more at peace.
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#15 of 18 Old 10-10-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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I am so sorry. My heart goes out to everyone involved. My heart is breaking reading this. I will keep everyone in my prayers.
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#16 of 18 Old 10-10-2007, 01:34 AM
 
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Wow, I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain your cousin is feeling.


I have a close friend who has a daughter with MCADD. It can be fatal if it isn't caught very quickly. Luckily (as it were) his daughter was born via c-section and they spent an extra day in the hospital as a result. My friend was holding his daughter when she suddenly stopped breathing, just like that. She spent a few weeks in the NICU and step-down but since coming home she's done very well with a controlled diet and feedings.

SAHM to twin kindergarteners

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#17 of 18 Old 10-10-2007, 04:46 PM
 
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just wandered in here to read the NICU thread, and discovered this.

I am so sorry to hear this, I know how excited you were about this baby. Please call if you need to talk or you need to drop in.
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#18 of 18 Old 10-10-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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I am so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for the baby's mama, and for you.
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