Something is happening to me... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 10-22-2007, 10:56 PM - Thread Starter
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and I just don't understand it!

My chest is tight, painful, like the pains I felt surrounding my older brother, Scotty's, death . The pains came on while I was talking to my mother about our cell phones (Scotty had a family plan set up for us... all in his name) Sooooo... our cell phones go out and my mother calls me from a friends house, I call AT&T and all the while, I am in some intense pain. I am worried I am having a heart attack or something! Anywho... my midwife said the other day, when I told her about this pain, that when I felt it, I would *know* that it was him. I feel that feeling, loud and strong. I don't understand it. We are currently battling with AT&T over this account (I am typing this while on hold) Scotty was our caretaker... the bread winner, he always made sure we were taken care of. I am assuming that I can feel him helpless over this cause... but yet I believe that souls 'sleep' so this confuses me... is he with me or do I have a medical issue? It is so weird!!! I keep reassuring him, if he can hear my thoughts anyways, that we will handle this and that we will be ok and he can rest... I am so confused!
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#2 of 8 Old 10-22-2007, 11:11 PM
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#3 of 8 Old 10-23-2007, 12:04 AM
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It's anxiety/panic attacks and stress of some sort - I've seen a lot of it in the widow forums I go on and I see it in myself. It's been 9 months since Paul died, but I still have problems from time to time. It's good to get an EKG from your doctor just in case, if this is unusual, but usually it feels like there's something sitting on your chest and it's really uncomfortable.

"Taking care of business" for your deceased loved ones can stress you out, even if you don't realize it. Take time to breath deeply. Chamomile tea helps a lot as well as stretching.

Going out on a limb here - perhaps because your brother set up your phone accounts and he lovingly got that set up for you and your mom, if you were to lose your phone connection, you somehow, subconsciously think what shred you had left of him or any evidence of his love and care for you guys, would also go away? That's a lot to take, and would create a lot of stress.

The most common signs that we have discussed in the widow forums seem to be ones of comfort and things like smelling scents. Some people feel cold breezes or a weird feeling of calm. Some even feel like something is holding their shoulders.

The tightness of chest is common with grief and stress. There's a list that we had circulating in the forum. Let me see if I can find it:

~ Acute Grief Response ~

Grief can be defined as an adaptation response to loss through the death of or separation from an object of love, be it a person, a body part of a body function. When a person experiences a loss he/she is likely to also experience an acute grief response to that loss. These responses are normal responses that occur after experiencing a loss. The diagnosis of Acute Grief Response is likely to be made by a person's Primary Care Provider, frequently after extensive medical evaluations are conducted to rule out major physiological medical problems. Many of the symptoms experienced in acute grief are presenting symptoms of major medical emergencies. If there is any doubt as to whether the symptoms you or a loved one might be feeling in the aftermath of the tragedy are physical or psychological seek professional treatment.

Acute grief is a definite syndrome characterized by psychological and somatic symptoms:

1. Sensations of somatic distress that occur in waves lasting for 20 minutes to an hour characterized by:
Tightness in the throat
Shortness of breath
An empty feeling in the stomach
Lack of muscular strength
Intense subjective distress described as tension or pain

2. Intense preoccupation with the image of the deceased, as in waking dreams, accompanied by feelings of vagueness and unreality.
3. Guilt feelings; the survivor reviews behavior before the death for evidence of negligence and failure.
4. Emotional distancing in relationships with others, accompanied by erratic responses of irritability, hostility and anger.
5. Disoriented behavior such as restlessness, insomnia, absentmindedness and an inability to concentrate or to initiate and maintain normal daily activities.
Potential Symptoms of the Acute Grief Response
Physical Symptoms: Acute Grief Response

Trouble initiating or maintaining sleep
Chest heaviness or pain
Shortness of breath
Tightness in the throat
Nausea Diarrhea
Abdominal, stomach pain
Back pain
Lightheaded Dizziness
Change in appetite – increased or decreased
Weight change
Hair Loss
Crying, sighing

Emotional Symptoms: Acute Grief Response

Meaninglessness Apathy
Emotionally labile
Self Blame Fear

Social Symptoms: Acute Grief Response

Overly sensitive
Avoid others
Lack of initiative Lack of interest
Relationship difficulties
Lowered self esteem

Behavioral Symptoms: Acute Grief Response

Difficulty concentrating
Slowed thinking
Sense of Unreality
Wandering aimlessly
Feeling trance-like Feelings of unreality
Feelings of emptiness
Dreams of the deceased
Searching for the deceased
Sense the loved one's presence
Hallucinations of the deceased, sensing their presence (visual or auditory) Assuming mannerisms or traits of the loved one
Needing to retell the story of the loved one's death
Preoccupied with one's own death
Avoiding talking about loss so others won't feel uncomfort
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#4 of 8 Old 10-23-2007, 12:32 AM
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yes, i was going to say anxiety as well.

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#5 of 8 Old 10-23-2007, 01:03 AM
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I was coming to second the anxiety. I've had many many similar pains since Calypso's death
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#6 of 8 Old 10-23-2007, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
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Oh wow! That really sheds light on things! I have seen a homeopath today and I am on the remedy Natrum Muriaticum (ailments from grief) As well, I have Ignatia and Rescue Remedy but I left those at my mother's home the day of the memorial. Now that I know what this pain is, I feel better prepared to handle it, thank you all!
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#7 of 8 Old 10-23-2007, 11:23 PM
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I went into the hospital earlier this year with the same kind of pains... I thought I was having a heart attack or dying. It was a panic attack. I am so sorry about you Brother Scotty. Sending you peace & strength & love...

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#8 of 8 Old 10-25-2007, 02:24 AM
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I'll add my experience in there as well. I'm another anxiety sufferer since Calliope's stillbirth. I also had an ER visit. I second the stretching and deep breaths. Holding my arms together behind my back and arching my body really seems to help me. Also exercise has helped me too.

It's tough, take care of yourself.

*formerly apecaut*, Mom to A, Calliope (stillborn 40 weeks 6/22/07), A and O
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