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#1 of 4 Old 12-05-2007, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Background:
Recently, two co-workers and I had a conversation. It's been a few weeks, I guess (?). I have no idea how it started, but somewhere in there one of my coworkers mentioned she had a miscarriage, and then my other co-worker mentioned how she had an abortion.

Both expressed a lot of pain and grief about their losses (rightfully so!). I expressed my sadness at their losses and affirmed their grief. In my experience, I've found sometimes people are heartless and don't think having an abortion or a miscarriage is the same as losing a child (whatever!).

We had to go to work very soon after they mentioned the losses of their children, and the subject has not been brought up (at least around me) again.

I wanted to acknowledge their losses. Should I just not say or do anything unless they bring it up? I'm not very close to these two coworkers at all, but I have a tender heart. I don't think I've ever had a miscarriage (http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=787877), so I know it's

I'm fairly crafty, and wanted to know from mommas who've been there- would a necklace or Christmas ornament be something you'd want to receive? Perhaps a Christmas card? Or should I just let it rest on the conversation we had unless they bring it up?

What would you do?
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#2 of 4 Old 12-12-2007, 05:53 PM
 
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I misscarried my 10 yo's twin. I think an ornament or something would be lovely. For me one of the things that hurt about it was the lack of acknowledgement. At an infant loss group I went to getting something to acknowledge that childs existance was suggested. It is so hard that there is nothing to say that baby existed and was special. You might give it by saying, "I don't want this to be awkward, but your story touched me and I wanted to give you something special to honor your baby's memory." HTH.

Katie, mama to Katherine 21, Christian 19, Johannah 17, Nicholas 12, Genevieve 10, Matthew 7, Andrew 11/16/09 10#6oz home waterbirth and madly in love with my husband, Scott
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#3 of 4 Old 12-12-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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If any family or friend had acknowledged any of my losses, I would have been floored!!!

Yes, it is a wonderfully thoughtful gesture...I wish there were more people like you. These women will treasure this more than you can imagine.
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#4 of 4 Old 01-14-2008, 01:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the positive answers. It came up again last night with the coworker who had an abortion, so I'm going to be thinking about what I can make for them. I just hate thinking that they feel like their child didn't matter because they didn't get to hold them or diaper them (or whatever).
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