I HATE this - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-14-2008, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
treemom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Belgium
Posts: 3,758
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, I'm a doula and I've read everything I can get my hands on about birth, fertility, child development, breastfeeding, etc. . . Since Naiya died, no one will listen to a word I say on anything regarding children or childbirth or parenting; I just get a look. I hate it!!!! I have no credibility anymore in the subject I love to talk about and love to learn about and love to educate about. Yesterday, my DH had this happen to him too. He said he would get more of a reaction from people if he just said the opposite of what we really feel, like "Don't breastfeed, its stupid and a waste of time"--then maybe the person would look at it like, well, they don't do it so it must be okay:::::::

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

treemom2 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-14-2008, 09:10 PM
 
mlec's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow. I dont' know your story, but it sounds like ppl think your advice is worthless b/c your ideas are to blame for your daughter's death? Wow. I can see why you are really upset by that. I'm really sorry you have that hurt on top of the grief you already have to bear. And I'm very sorry for your loss. I clicked on Naiya's link...she looks so beautful.
mlec is offline  
Old 01-14-2008, 09:37 PM
 
Fiestabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,520
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine dealing with people like that in the face of such immense grief.

~Beth, mama to two amazing girls, ages 12 and 6~

Fiestabeth is offline  
Old 01-14-2008, 09:40 PM
 
pacificbliss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 1,376
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
That's awful, I'm so sorry. People can be so mean...and ignorant.
pacificbliss is offline  
Old 01-14-2008, 11:34 PM
 
ColoradoMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: mooning TAO
Posts: 9,587
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pacificbliss View Post
People can be so mean...and ignorant.
: I'm so sorry.
ColoradoMama is offline  
Old 01-15-2008, 12:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
treemom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Belgium
Posts: 3,758
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlec View Post
Wow. I dont' know your story, but it sounds like ppl think your advice is worthless b/c your ideas are to blame for your daughter's death? Wow. I can see why you are really upset by that. I'm really sorry you have that hurt on top of the grief you already have to bear. And I'm very sorry for your loss. I clicked on Naiya's link...she looks so beautful.
I lived on a military base in Japan when I was pg. I had a homebirth (on base--totally not done normally, DH almost lost his job because of this even though there were no written rules about this) with a Japanese certified midwife. Base mentality is to have a hospital birth, lots of drugs, maybe even a c-sec for no reason, no bfing, circing, vaccinating, cio, spanking, etc. . . I do not fit this mold. Naiya passed mec and it was too much. She was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed with severe mec aspiration syndrome, brain damage, muscular damage, etc. . .she died 22 hours after birth. The only people who knew what happened to her were the ambulance crew and one of the base doctors; however the next day the entire base "knew" that I had a homebirth with no attendee and because of this homebirth my baby died. Now, like I said, I have no credibility when it comes to birth, raising children, etc. . . Also, whenever I go to the base docs, they have to chat about me for a while before they will see me (last time I went, I heard one doc tell the front desk person my "story" while I was sitting in the waiting room)--UGH!! We have now moved off base, we avoid the clinic choosing to see Japanese docs instead, and avoid base as much as we can (well, except DH works on the base everyday).

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

treemom2 is offline  
Old 01-15-2008, 05:51 AM
 
NullSet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 3,767
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, I would probably just avoid them altogether. Doctors talking about you with someone else while you are right there, sheesh! That is so insensitive and goes against everything.

Just don't offer any advice to anyone. You said you get "the look". If it is that same full of pity look that I get, then I hate it. My Mom gives me that look when she thinks I'm not looking. :

And to add to the PP I think Naiya is beautiful too. I've seen her picture before but it can't hurt to say again, right? All my love to you and your family.

*formerly apecaut*, Mom to A, Calliope (stillborn 40 weeks 6/22/07), A and O
NullSet is offline  
Old 01-15-2008, 06:05 AM
 
tireesix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,257
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Good Lord, how awful.

I really have no words.

Peace momma, may you feel the warm hugs I wish I could give you.
tireesix is offline  
Old 01-15-2008, 11:37 PM
 
Peppermint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: work-in-progress
Posts: 5,288
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
Peppermint is offline  
Old 01-16-2008, 07:10 PM
 
guestmama9944's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 555
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by treemom2 View Post
The only people who knew what happened to her were the ambulance crew and one of the base doctors; however the next day the entire base "knew" that I had a homebirth with no attendee and because of this homebirth my baby died.

Also, whenever I go to the base docs, they have to chat about me for a while before they will see me (last time I went, I heard one doc tell the front desk person my "story" while I was sitting in the waiting room)--UGH!!
This is as clear of a HIPAA violation as I've ever seen. If you're up for it, you could pursue it. They're not allowed to talk about you like that. If you heard it in the waiting room, so did everyone else.

I'm soo sorry Momma.
guestmama9944 is offline  
Old 01-16-2008, 09:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
treemom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Belgium
Posts: 3,758
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendyjoe View Post
This is as clear of a HIPAA violation as I've ever seen. If you're up for it, you could pursue it. They're not allowed to talk about you like that. If you heard it in the waiting room, so did everyone else.

I'm soo sorry Momma.
I agree, this was awful! However, since DH almost lost his job because of the situation (well, not his job; but our access to base. . .which he works at, so basically his job); we've decided just to keep our heads in the sand about all the lack of confidentiality and HIPAA stuff! Sometimes I would like to move to another place, but our children are so happy here and we are so happy here! When Naiya died, my Japanese friends got together and planned everything and paid for everything. They walked me through everything, they were wonderful and I am just not ready to leave them yet

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

treemom2 is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off