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#1 of 10 Old 01-22-2008, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My friends baby girl died yesterday She was four and a half months old, she was born just 11 days before my DS. I am so sad for them, and want to support them in any way I can. I've told her that if she ever wants to talk, or if we can do anything at all for them, please let us know. What can I say or how can I support them best? I know it must be so terribly hard to lose a child.

Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
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#2 of 10 Old 01-22-2008, 10:50 PM
 
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Dont have any advice but I couldnt read and not send a

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#3 of 10 Old 01-22-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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Oh, how awful I'm so sorry.

DS:11 DD:8 DS:3 DS:13 months
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#4 of 10 Old 01-23-2008, 12:37 AM
 
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Oh no.
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#5 of 10 Old 01-23-2008, 01:27 AM
 
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So sorry. My sweet neice died in Sept. She was one day shy of 4 months.
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#6 of 10 Old 01-23-2008, 08:19 PM
 
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Take them a meal. Don't ask, just show up with it, give a hug and leave. Your friend doesn't know what she wants or needs right now, so you know that she needs to eat. That's a given and something you can provide without her asking.

Jenn
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#7 of 10 Old 01-26-2008, 11:57 AM
 
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We lost our dd when she was 2 months old. My SIL & husbands cousin both had babies within a month. At first it was VERY hard to be around them with their babies so close in age to my dd- but its been 3.5 years & I LOVE seeing those children now. so just know that being comfortable around your child might take a bit of time & please don't be upset if just the sight of your child makes your friend upset. For me I very much grieved the fact that our children would no longer grow up together.

I agree with the food suggestion- I have no idea how I survived that first month. I don't really remember much of it - lots of people brought food & if that didn't happen, I know I just would not have eaten.

I remember some of the most meaningful things were when friends & family made me something to help remember my dd- one made a scrapbook, another a video (that was made just a few weeks ago). Someone made a donation to the children's hospital where she passed in her name. The school where I worked donated a wagon to the ped. dept with a plate of her name on the side & my family donated a rocking chair to the nursery with her name on it also (that has been very special since each time I've had a baby at that hospital since then -they've brought that rocking chair into our room). Someone else gave me a locket necklace with a picture of her little face in it. So my point is that something lasting & personal is VERY special.

Just in general don't be afraid to talk about the child & use her name & use if often. I love it when people are not afraid to talk to me about my baby. Just don't be afraid to ask her how she wants to be treated since everyone grieves differently.

I hope Im some help. I feel like I am in a very good place with the loss of my daughter - it has taken the love & support of everyone around me to get me there.
Feel free to ask any ?s. I will pray for your friend.

Mama to Jocelyn 3/04-5/04, Lucy 3/05, Nate 1/07, Tessa 5/09 , due 12/2011!!!

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#8 of 10 Old 01-26-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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My best friend lost her one month old to SIDS in November. Take them food, give her a hug, tell her that you will be there for her. It is hard to know what to say, but actions speak louder than words.
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#9 of 10 Old 01-27-2008, 03:05 PM
 
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Talk about her baby. Do not avoid the "uncomfortable" situation. Remember her baby, always. Use her name. Be there.....keep going back, even if she does not reciprocate....she will one day.

Cristina - "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
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#10 of 10 Old 01-27-2008, 10:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Debstmomy View Post
Talk about her baby. Do not avoid the "uncomfortable" situation. Remember her baby, always. Use her name. Be there.....keep going back, even if she does not reciprocate....she will one day.
You are a wise woman. I can't think of better advice.
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