STBX commited suicide...I'm so angry yet so sad - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It has been 2 1/2 weeks since he died, i really feel like writing this all will help me.......

January 9th we met up halfway between his new house, and my house so we could trade the girls. He had had them for a whole week for his visitation I was so happy to get them back but was really happy because they were all so happy. He had done so much with them all these fun things not a one of the girls could keep a smile off her face. I was so excited for them feeling like maybe our deal would work out, like maybe him living away from us has really helped us, helped our family.

So later that night i went to call him to thank him because all i had heard for the past five hours was all about daddy this and daddy that and how great his new house was i was excited for my kids. So i called him and it went to voice mail which wasnt that unusual since he worked alot and then the next morning i got a call around 10 am. It was STBX's neighbor he seemed frantic and upset he told me that he had heard a gun shot and went into STBX's house and found him dead. I couldnt believe it, i always knew he was having a hard time with life, but never did i think he was suicidal... I was in utter shock as i called his parents, who live closer to him so that they could deal with all the hairy details.

Then i faced the haunting task of telling my kids it was hard because they had just seen him yesterday, they were still smiling about thier time with him, and my niece lost her father not five months ago, and now her uncle, it was so difficult, that was the hardest moment in my entire life.....

It's now been almost 3 weeks things have gotten back to normal with the occasional outburst and tears.
Some moments i'm sad most i'm angry this has just been so difficult......
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#2 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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I'm so sorry, mama. I have a friend who this happened to as well and I think that the best thing to do would be to make sure you and the girls all get some counseling. Is that possible? Please, please take care of yourself and lean on your friends and family as you need them.

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#3 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. Please get your girls into counseling. Things have not gone "back to normal" even though it may seem that way. Their father killed himself the day after they saw him. That has got to have a horrid effect on them and be making them questions did they do something to cause it, not do something, etc. That is just so terrible for everyone involved.
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#4 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 04:30 PM
 
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I'm so sorry! I agree that counseling can be very helpful to the girls. they have got to have very conflicting feelings about his passing.
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#5 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 05:02 PM
 
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I am so sorry.
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#6 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 05:35 PM
 
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Praise the Lord that he showered them with love before he left and didn't take them with him as so many fathers do when they get that low. This is so sad, but it could have been so much worse if they had been there or if you still lived together and YOU were the one who found him with the girls. Thank goodness you were all spared that. If the girls are young, play therapy would probably be better than talk therapy. And you might need some help as well.

If he can be cleaned up well at the funeral, I would suggest you not make the mistake I did of not letting them see him physically to say goodbye. My ten year olds still are upset that we never let them see and say goodbye to their younger sister after she died.
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#7 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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I'm so, so sorry. That must have been a horrible shock.

You're dealing with so many emotions right now as are your girls with more to come. Grief is a process and this is the worst kind of grief when you lose the person to suicide.

http://www.ywbb.org/forums/ubbthreads.php This site really helped my sister when she lost her husband. Please check out this forum. There is a special circumstances section/board...lots of those there who lost loved ones in this way. It doesn't matter that he was soon to be ex. Others were in similar situations. He was your hubby and the daddy of your girls. Using social security they get would be well used for counseling. So much to process. I'm sorry you are all going through this.

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#8 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 06:12 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.
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#9 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 07:12 PM
 
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I am so very sorry.
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#10 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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i am so sorry.

Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
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#11 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 07:19 PM
 
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Oh my goodness! I am so so sorry.


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#12 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 07:59 PM
 
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I am so sorry too.
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#13 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
Praise the Lord that he showered the with love before he left and didn't take them with him as so many fathers do when they get that low. This is so sad, but it could have been so much worse if they had been there or if you still loved together and YOU were the one who found him with the girls. Thank goodness you were all spared that.
I thank God everyday for that, i can't imagine life without my kids.

and yes i have the girls in conseling, it's a place for kids, so they feel welcome and the younger girls are going play therapy while the older ones are doing play and regular talk therapy.

I think through it all i'm most glad about is that he got to spend that last day with them, and while this will always be a mystery and i will never fully understand why he did this, i really do believe he knew what he was doing and that is why he made the last week so great with the girls...
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#14 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 08:33 PM
 
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Girlsmama, My heart breaks for you. It truly does.


I'm so sorry for your loss. I hurt dearly for your daughters. I know how incredibly painful this must be for you.



ETA: I didn't see post #13 when I published this post. Sounds like your doing the right things. Your girls a so lucky to have a smart mommy.
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#15 of 16 Old 01-23-2008, 11:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlsmama View Post
I thank God everyday for that, i can't imagine life without my kids.

and yes i have the girls in conseling, it's a place for kids, so they feel welcome and the younger girls are going play therapy while the older ones are doing play and regular talk therapy.

I think through it all i'm most glad about is that he got to spend that last day with them, and while this will always be a mystery and i will never fully understand why he did this, i really do believe he knew what he was doing and that is why he made the last week so great with the girls...
I thought about that too. He DID love his girls. I am so sorry he gave into despair and didn't fight for what he truly wanted in life. I am sorry you have lost your husband and they have lost their father. They are Blessed to have you.
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#16 of 16 Old 01-24-2008, 02:03 AM
 
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I'm so sorry.

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