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Old 11-06-2003, 02:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AnT on my own thread.

On DH's second tour of duty in Vietnam, he was overpaid $900.00, and the GAO had the nerve to demand repayment. If he came home in a box, would they have done that? (I have heard the answer is "yes".)

We repaid it monthly; PLUS INTEREST! The people at the GAO demanded repayment in the form of $50.00 a month 27 years ago. I negotiated it down to $30.00 after many hassels.

Anyway, Social Security Administration has a stranglehold on all of us since it is not something we can opt out of unless you live outside of society fairly completely.

Anyway, thank you all for being good listeners.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 11-30-2003, 01:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am going to check into the VA and see if there are benfits for me and DS from my DH's exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam from his tours there in 1965 and 1968. He was there a total of twenty-five months.

I know there are benefits to be had, but I am sure that they summarily deny any and all claims initially. Without any proof or tests, they would deny me.

I suspect even with tests, benefits are only on paper and are routinely denied.

Wish me luck.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 11-30-2003, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My SIL told me that DH was never the same after he returned from Vietnam.

This is customarily true of all soldiers who have been through any war, but to be sprayed and poured over with defoliant is inexcusable.

Dupont $hould be a$hamed!

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 12-01-2003, 02:31 PM
 
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Wishing you lots of luck, applejuice.

My dad tried to get some compensation from damage from Agent Orange exposure for years. He was in Viet Nam for most of '68 and some of '69.

Despite pretty good documented proof that there had been exposure and damage, they just kept denying him any kind of compensation. He eventually just gave up, too frustrated and tired of all the games.

I hope it's a different outcome for you.
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Old 12-02-2003, 07:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What I suspect is there is compensation and benefits on paper.

Collecting any of them is a completely different matter.

I have several civil judgements that have worked out to be that way.

Thank you anyway.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 12-04-2003, 08:12 PM
 
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applejuice,

I am so, so sorry that your good husband died. You have written so eloquently about it, and I do not want to detract from that, just to add my disappointment that you are having to go through this.

I am fairly new here, and mostly read these boards to learn right now, without posting as much as I wish. I stayed up until 2 a.m. this morning reading this thread and some of your posts, and am so touched by your devotion to your marriage and your children. You have a very strong spirit. I have been shocked to learn recently, firsthand, how ill-prepared and unthinking MANY people are when it comes to death. I am just so sad that you have to deal with that in addition to exquisite pain. I am grateful for your willingness to share your beautiful personality and story on these boards, you have certainly touched my and inspired me to be more loving to everyone around me, particularly dh. Thank you. You are in my thoughts right now.
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Old 12-31-2003, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you jdelilah:

I agree with what you say.

After burying my beloved, I have developed a real hatred for people who denigrate their spouses/ex-spouses within my earshot.

It all sounds so childish to me.

I loved my DH - we did have our moments in our 27 years together, but we usually worked out our differences because we loved and respected each other as persons.

Each day was a choice to be with one another, as I saw it.

I enjoyed my holiday. I took a long motor trip to see my younger brother and his beloved wife. It was a trip DH and I had talked about making many times, but never did accomplish. My youngest DS has hardly ever had a vacation in his young life since we have been dealing with DH's terminal illness for seven long years.

My youngest DS did come with DH on our 25th wedding anniversary and me on a short weekend trip to SB where DH and I were first married. It was a real treat for him.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 01-26-2004, 07:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Today is my birthday. The big 5-0.

Last year it was Super Bowl Sunday.

Dh and the younger two boys sat down and watched the game together.

He had never done this before.

I asked him why he decided to sit and watch the game, and he retorted, "I'm enjoying my sons!"

I think he knew it was his last.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 01-26-2004, 08:45 AM
 
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applejuice,

Wishing you a nice peaceful birthday.

Not all those who wander are lost 
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Old 01-26-2004, 09:00 AM
 
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Happy birthday dear Applejuice.
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Old 01-26-2004, 09:35 AM
 
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applejuice, another huge milestone on your journey through grief

Happy Birthday - I'm thinking about you.
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Old 01-26-2004, 01:12 PM
 
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Sending you birthday hugs!

Warmly~

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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Old 01-26-2004, 03:02 PM
 
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I am a little late, but I hope you had a happy birthday despite your grief. (((Hugs))).
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Old 02-08-2004, 02:02 AM
 
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Old 02-17-2004, 02:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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:

A ray of light in my grief.

G-d closes one door and opens another.

My nephew was born in a log cabin on Lincoln's Birthday; he is my DH's namesake.

This is a special day for me also because DH proposed to me on that day twenty-eight years ago.

:

Happy Birthday little one.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 02-23-2004, 01:45 AM
 
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[tears of joy!] How very cool! Congrats Great Auntie! What a lucky lucky nephew you have, to be born on such an auspicious day with his Great Uncle's name (and maybe his spirit??). Life goes on, doesn't it? Becoming more precious every minute.
Thanks for sharing your joy!
love, diana

edited to fix the relationship titles--eek!

~diana google me: hahamommy. Unschooling Supermama to Hayden :Super Cool Girlfriend to Scotty . Former wife to Mitch & former mama to Hannahbear
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Old 03-20-2004, 10:33 PM
 
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Hi Applejuice - nothing is wrong with writing him stories, or saving him a place either.

My mom's experience with bank jerks:

My brother's body was found a year after he drowned and when his pockets were emptied his wallet still had the $150 I had given him. The money was still in one piece and readable. After being under 166 feet of water for a year, who knows how that happened. My mom tried to take it to the bank and when they asked why it was wet, she told them the entire story and they said they couldn't take it because it "smelled bad." She ended up having to spend it at a gas station, where they aren't as picky, I guess.

People who are jerks should find other jobs.
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Old 03-21-2004, 04:11 AM
 
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Congrats on that new little bundle of love! It's wonderful how that date will always make you happy some people believe there are no coincidences in life, but synchronizities (spelling??) , or even lovely messages from above...
God bless and lots of s
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Old 03-21-2004, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Geaseball!

I remember reading your thread about your brother's passing. It brought tears to my eyes - it is sad that you and your family went through something like that and had little support from the police and community.

Bank clerks! UGH!:

I have kept a journal through all of this - I began it to record my DS#3's life and homeschooling adventure, but I have recorded everything of significance since my son's birth to my graduate school experiences, my work experiences, to my DH's illness and passing.

I do write and talk to him and feel he is there for me. I miss him terribly. At my brother's wedding last October 31, a place was set for my DH. My brother and his wife are practicing pagans.

I have continued to finish projects that DH and I discussed and he approved while he was alive. It helps me to have a continuity.

The other day, a co-worker told me she would miss seeing him helping me at the school academic fair. DH would bring tools and ladders and help me set up the art displays for my partner teacher and me.

It is nice to know he touched others lives and will be missed.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 04-12-2004, 10:52 PM
 
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it is a little bit late, applejuice...but happy passover...

Check out New Moon on my Astrology Site

http://tracyastrosalon.blogspot.com/

 

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Old 04-13-2004, 04:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hag Samecha

Todah

Thank you so much, Tracy!

I cannot remember what I did last year for Passover. It is a blur since DH was recovering from his heart attack. This year I was invited to a friend's house. We had a nice seder.

I took DS3 to see DS1 in Northern CA where he is stationed. He showed us around town and introduced us around to his friends. I am completing a baby carrier for my nephew, DH's namesake, so his Mother, my SIL, can wear him. And I hopefully have completed plans to place my DH's gravemarker on his resting place. I met another widow there; DH and I went to her DH's funeral nine months before DH passed. We have made plans to be together May1 & 2. Two wacky widows!

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 05-28-2004, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On a morning as this one, twenty-seven years ago, my beloved drove up to my family home in Burbank, picked me up, and drove to Santa Barbara to marry me.

I have never regretted it.

He told me he never regretted it either.

We celebrated our twenty-fifth two years ago today by staying in the same hotel with our youngest son who had just broken his left arm. We enjoyed that day of our married life as much or more as we did our first day of married life by window shopping up and down State Street.

One of the newer shops had the name of our daughter; one of the newer restaurants had the name of our oldest son. It was as if it was OUR STREET! We walked and talked and shopped and ate with our youngest dear child. It was a sheer joy to be together and I miss those times immensely.

Today I have park day with my school. I am taking my youngest who is in his first year of school attendance.

Slowly, day by day, life moves on, but I can never forget that I was
someone's wife.

:
:

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 05-28-2004, 02:01 PM
 
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Old 05-29-2004, 03:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to add...

On our wedding night, a Saturday night, we watched some television. That night was an episode on "Mary Tyler Moore" that I have not seen since that night.

It was about Ted Knight believing that he had a terminal health condition. All through the show, he suddenly took an over-absorbed interest in every little thing. He was totally interested in small flowers; he stood at the window and watched the sunset and was totally fascinated by it.

By the end of the show, Ted Knight learned that his condition was not at all terminal and that he was going to be just fine. However the fascination with all things ordinary had influenced the rest of the staff. The closing scene had Mary, Mr. Grant, and Gavin Mcleod focused on a sunset.

This may seem trite to some, but each day I was married I relished the idea of being a couple and enjoyed every moment. Really I did. I lived my life fully and simply loved the idea of building a life together. Each day was a gift and I am grateful for it. I am rather angry at not being able to spend my Golden Years with him that we both worked so hard for.

A footnote:

I am angry at people who tell tasteless marriage jokes. My own partner at work told to me a joke about marriage being like a deck of cards; you need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to hit him over the head (?), and a spade to bury him.

I just looked at her and said,"Yes, I know about all four of those personally."

Did not phase her at all.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 05-29-2004, 01:11 PM
 
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Those jokes are truly tasteless. Anyone who would tell them to you does not deserve your company.
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Old 07-22-2004, 04:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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With school out, I have been going to the Daily Minyan at our synagogue to say Kaddish with them.

Monday the 19th was the last day the Daily Minyan said Kaddish for my DH.

I took his name down myself from the board. It was very sad. His Yahrzeit will be August 19th...

I was thinking that he came into my life at exactly the right time. He left at probably the right time, if there ever is a "right time" to die thereby leaving and ending a relationship; the Book of Ecclestics does say that there is a time for all of us to be born and to die. His Yahrzeit will always be during vacation time, so I will always be able to spend time at shul dovening for/with(?) him.

One step at a time.

Life goes on.

Back to work.



:



:

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 07-22-2004, 01:39 PM
 
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Hello friend I'm glad to hear you're hanging in there ...
I'm not sure what Yahrzeit means, but if it includes prayers from the heart, include me in ~ August 19th is our would-be 9th wedding anniversary
I, too, believe in Divine Timing ~ very often does hindsight offer the perfect perspective in perfect timing. We're limited by this human body, we can't absorb the whole of the plan.
~diana

~diana google me: hahamommy. Unschooling Supermama to Hayden :Super Cool Girlfriend to Scotty . Former wife to Mitch & former mama to Hannahbear
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Old 07-23-2004, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, hahamommy!

Your birthday is our anniversary!

We are you and you are we and we are all together:LOL

"Yahrzeit", I do believe, is the German or Yiddisch word for anniversary, this being the anniversary of his death, on which, forever more, I will be lighting a Memorial Candle in his memory instead of baking a cake and putting candles on it. In this case, it is the Hebrew calendar day, which is a lunar calendar with a solar twist. So when the sun is in Virgo and the moon in Libra, that is my DH's Yahrzeit (I think) .

Thank you hahamommy for noticing.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 07-23-2004, 04:37 AM
 
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Thank you for the intimate and precious window you are opening into your life, your grief.... it is a blessing for us all to witness it. I hope that you are finding solace in sharing- your words move me, as do those of the women here who are carrying you in our hearts.

Cradling you within...


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Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
http://redspiral.blogspot.com
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Old 07-24-2004, 04:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You Dynamic Doula.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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