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#91 of 138 Old 08-09-2004, 05:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I will go to minyan the week of his Yahrzeit and pray and light the Memorial Candle.

Life goes on.

School begins in September for me and DS. DS will have his Bar Mitzvah in January.

This summer, I am making the repairs and upgrades to my life and home that I discussed with DH before he became so ill he could not talk about a future.

Life is so strange. I recall his funeral. I recall standing over his open casket and later over his open grave, shoveling dirt into the open earth. I remember looking down at his casket and thinking of the first time I met him, ... the first time he asked me out, ... the time he proposed marriage to me, ... when we found our first apartment, ... when we bought our first home, ... when we decided to have our first child, .... all of the decisions one makes when making a life together.

And then it ends.

And that is all.

Yet, I still feel as though he will walk in the front door and greet me with the kiss that I miss so much. I keep wishing I will wake up and this is all a bad dream.

You are gone from my sight, but never from my heart.

Moderators, please archive this thread. Thank you.

Good Night.
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#92 of 138 Old 08-09-2004, 04:20 PM
 
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Our connections are the most amazing therapy for me
I will spend the 19th thinking of two loving, wonderful marriages that really did change the world (our worlds alone and the world of the mommies we touch with our stories) A candle will be lit for the fathers of our children (whom we will always miss) and in the hopes of fathers, mothers and children everywhere will be a teeny bit more grateful for the precious gifts they have before them.

(I sent you an eloquent response to your questions, but alas you're too popular for your own good ~ your mailbox is full ~ I'll give it another shot!)

diana

~diana google me: hahamommy. Unschooling Supermama to Hayden :Super Cool Girlfriend to Scotty . Former wife to Mitch & former mama to Hannahbear
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#93 of 138 Old 10-30-2004, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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:
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#94 of 138 Old 10-30-2004, 09:19 PM
 
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Just wanted to send you some

Thinking of you and your dh and your family...


Alison
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#95 of 138 Old 04-10-2005, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Before we had children, DH and I would greet them as we left the house and when we returned to our home.

"Good bye, kids! We will be right back!", and then blow a kiss. :heart:

"Hey, kids, we are home!" we would announce when we returned home.

It always seemed that we were a unit.

Now with DH gone, the children and I say, "Good bye," or "We're home!" to acknowledge he is still there and still part of the unit.

Our children were part of this family unit before they were born, and we acknowledged them, and we now acknowledge DH, their Father, posthumously as a part of the family unit which surpasses this existence.

:

:

:
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#96 of 138 Old 04-10-2005, 10:18 PM
 
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What's been feeling different for me is when I call my mom and I say "Hi Mom, it's me" the way I always have but now she doesn't say "Which one?" My brother and I had similar voices.

My dad used to say "All my children..." when the four of us were together. Right after my brother's funeral I was talking with my two sisters and dad walked in and said "All my children..." and it just felt wrong.
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#97 of 138 Old 04-11-2005, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I know what you mean.

In my scenario, I think there is some kind of personal, spiritual continuum.
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#98 of 138 Old 05-05-2005, 09:07 PM
 
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Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so candid. You have really touched me.

I have a really good friend at church who's dh died of cancer one year ago on May 1st. Reading all that you are going through really gives me an insight to what she might be going through and how I can hopefully support her.

Praying for you and your family

Amber, 32~ DH, 30~ DD, 8~ DD, 6
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#99 of 138 Old 05-29-2005, 08:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Our youngest son was Bar Mitzvahed yesterday.

The Cantor mentioned my DH in his speech; not a dry eye in the Sanctuary.

Very Nice. Perfect, except for the fact that DH was not there in the flesh.

B'H,

Yesterday was also our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary.
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#100 of 138 Old 05-29-2005, 11:49 AM
 
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applejuice (((HUGS))))~

on these important events in our lives and especially in the lives of our children, it can be so painful. thank you for sharing your dh with us.

hugs~

lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#101 of 138 Old 08-31-2005, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Baruch Hashem

You are gone from my sight but never from my heart

Magnified and sanctified be His Great Name
throughout the world which He has
created and governs according to His Will
May He establish His Kingdom during your days,
and during the life of all the House of Israel,
even speedily and at a near time;
and say you, Amen.

May His great name be blessed for ever
and ever.

Exalted, glorified and honored be the name
of the Holy One, blessed be He, whose
glory is above all blessing, hymns and praises
rendered by man; and say you, Amen.

May the Father of peace grant peace to us,
to all Israel and to all mankind; and
say you, Amen.

:
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#102 of 138 Old 08-31-2005, 10:26 AM
 
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That's beautiful Applejuice Thank you for sharing it. I can only imagine how hard it is to watch your children growing and going through life without their dad. I know from you words that he is with all of you and has made a great impact on your lives.
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#103 of 138 Old 09-01-2005, 03:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you
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#104 of 138 Old 09-05-2005, 10:51 AM
 
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applejuice ... may his neshama have the highest aliyah ...
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#105 of 138 Old 09-06-2005, 06:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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B"H

Each Friday Night at sundown he read to me the
"Woman of Valor" from Proverbs 31.

The boys take turns reading that to me now.

I read the following from Psalms to my DH;
DD and I now take turns reading the following
to my sons, in addition to my blessing them as my sons.

2 Elul 5765

"What is man that we take knowledge of him;
mortal man that we take account of him?
Man is like a breath; his days are like
a fleeting shadow. In the morninig, he
flourishes and he grows. In the evening,
he is cut down and he withers. So teach
us to number our days that we many get
us a heart of wisdom. Mark well the man
of integrity and behold one who is just.
For such a man, the reward is peace."

Psalm 144:3f,
90:5f, 90:3.
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#106 of 138 Old 09-06-2005, 06:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for noticing.



:
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#107 of 138 Old 10-07-2005, 12:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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:

Every Friday Night, My DH read to me the following from the Book of Proverbs.
He read it to me as the children grew, and at the end of his life, they stood tall at the table as the juniper trees I had planted in honor of my pregnancies with them.



"A woman of valor who can find?
For her worth is far above that of gems and rubies.
Her Husband's may safely trust on her,
and he shall have no lack of gain.
For she does good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She gives food to her household...
She stretches her hand to the poor;
She reaches out her hand to the needy.
Strength and dignity are her raiment,
and her laughter may be heard even in time to come.
She opens her mouth, and there is wisdom;
and the teaching of loving kindness
is ever upon her tongue.
She looks after the welfare of her houseold,
and she will not partake fo the bread of idleness.
Her children rise to proclaim her 'blessed',
and her Husbandtoo praises her aloud:
'Many women have done valiantly,
but you excel them all'.
Charm may deceive and beauty may be empty,
but a woman who reveres the Lord is to be praised.
Let us all acknowledge the fruit of her hands,
for her own good works praise her in the gates."

: for peace

Think about the kind of impressions you had as a child. Think about how the things you do today will leave the kind of impressions on your children that you desire. This was told to me by Rabbi Tzvi Derschowitz and his wife Rebbintz Tovah when we had our third child, second son.

Wise words.

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#108 of 138 Old 10-26-2005, 03:31 PM
 
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Applejuice

: for your sweet DH
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Me & DH hug2.gif , adult DD lips.gif & 7 yo DS guitar.gif . 2 GSDs, 6 rescue kitties, 4 birds & a gerbil.
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#109 of 138 Old 10-26-2005, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, polka123!

You are very kind.
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#110 of 138 Old 11-13-2005, 01:12 AM
 
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Oh such wise words!! Thanks for sharing that Applejuice. Your husband seemed like a wise and gentle man.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been reading your posts for awhile now.

May you continue to have peace and calmness during the midst of your grief.
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#111 of 138 Old 11-18-2005, 10:54 PM
 
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May your family comfort you. :
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#112 of 138 Old 12-11-2005, 10:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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November 26, 2002 Cape May, NJ, my DS graduated from basic training.

DH and I were unable to attend. DH's health condition had deteriorated to the point where it was impossible to contemplate any kind of a trip. We could not honor our son by going to his graduation.

DH was able to pick his son up at the airport however and was proud to see his oldest son walk off the airplane in full uniform.

This week, three years later, my DS1 is a Petty Officer BM3 and graduated #1 in his class. He is assigned to keeping the Golden Gate Bridge safe and assisting law enforcement in the area with his special training and skills. I was happy to see him graduate this time and meet his teachers and classmates. It was a point of completion for me.

I do not like the military, but my son made the choice and is doing well.

I wish DH could have been there to share the joy.
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#113 of 138 Old 02-24-2006, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You are gone from my sight, but live on in my heart.

I remember when you first invited me to spend time with you. I could not have imagined that saying yes to that simple question would lead me to a life with so much joy and richness.

I stood over the gaping hole, returning your remains to Mother Earth with our four children at my side.

Life/Birth/Death. All in one. The Eternal Life Cycle.
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#114 of 138 Old 03-07-2006, 11:50 AM
 
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#115 of 138 Old 03-08-2006, 07:13 PM
 
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Sharing in your sorrow.
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#116 of 138 Old 01-13-2007, 12:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, Anuska and Gemini.

Tonight is the thirtieth anniversay of our first date.

After I got off work at the library, we went to McDonald's nearby and got coffee; he asked for a seat near the orchestra : . We talked until 11:00 p.m. when the place closed for the night.

Three days later we went to the El Cid, a fabulous Spanish restuarant on Sunset Boulevard with flamenco dancing!
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#117 of 138 Old 05-15-2007, 08:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Happy Anniversary!

The big 3-0
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#118 of 138 Old 05-15-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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#119 of 138 Old 05-15-2007, 11:20 PM
 
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I wasn't around when your DH passed on but I read through the entire thread with tears in my eyes.
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#120 of 138 Old 05-15-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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Remembering your dear husband.

Hugs,

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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