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Old 08-31-2003, 03:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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B'H

2 Elul 5763

After twenty-six years of marriage, my children and I spent the morning sharing memories of our twenty-six years with my DH through reading and looking at our photo albums.

....then...

My DH died this morning.

He died in the same bed and room in which our youngest child was conceived and born.

He died in the bed in which our four children were conceived and born.

He died at home surrounded and attended by his loving family.

My older son and daughter helped me to wash him, trim his nails, shave his beard and dress him in his wedding clothes. My younger son, by personal request, stayed at a friend's house.

He went to G-d and his reward. He will always be remembered.

A good life. A good death. He is no longer in pain. He was loved by all.

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"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 08-31-2003, 06:30 AM
 
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applejuice,
I am so sorry for your loss. But it sounds as if you and your family were able to retain and show dignity, love and respect to your husband. What a blessing to prepare and mourn in your way on your terms.
Gossamer

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you. That is the miracle of life. ~Maureen Hawkins~
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Old 08-31-2003, 08:34 AM
 
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It sounds like you honored him with dignity in life and death. I'm sorry for your loss but glad that you seem to be facing this with full awareness. (hug)

Mel
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Old 08-31-2003, 02:26 PM
 
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I so get how loved he was by everyone.

his transition was with so much dignity and it is exactly how I would want my transition.

you are loved here. my heart goes out to you and your whole family.

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Old 08-31-2003, 02:30 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss, applejuice. Please take extra special gentle care of yourself now and in the days to come.

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Old 08-31-2003, 03:08 PM
 
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I am sorry for your loss applejuice.
You told of his passing so beautifully and with such love.
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Old 08-31-2003, 04:21 PM
 
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Sad for your loss.

Happy that you were able to do it as you wished.


El
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Old 08-31-2003, 05:11 PM
 
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Applejuice~

I remember reading various posts about your journey with your dh. I am so sorry for your loss, but so thankful that his transition was one of peace and honor.

My thoughts are with you right now during your transition.

Much Love & Hugs~

Lisa

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Old 08-31-2003, 06:09 PM
 
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You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))
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Old 08-31-2003, 07:14 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss, applejuice. You and your family are in my thoughts and I am sending you love and lots and lots of
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Old 08-31-2003, 08:55 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your and your families loss. I'll be thinking of you.
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Old 08-31-2003, 09:00 PM
 
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Applejuice,

So sorry for your loss.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

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Old 09-01-2003, 11:11 AM
 
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Old 09-01-2003, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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B'H
We buried him Sunday morning with all of my four children present. He had the religious Jewish burial he requested when we did our wills and trust. I hope that is still what he desired after all he went through. I was in the process of researching how to make a shroud, but I simply did not have the time with caring for him and preparing for work and all. The Rabbi suggested that we bury him him his wedding attire. There was a private family joke about the color and style of his outfit; it lifted the gravity of the situation at the time. G-d works in wonderous ways.

My BIL came from Africa (where he works for the UN) to stay for the month of July and help settle the matters of an estate and make helpful suggestions for his brother's care. My DH seemed to have held on for his arrival, and his condition spiralled downward when my BIL left.

I want you all to know that you discover who your friends are at times like this. Always be aware and awake to people's reactions, and inactions. It is very telling of their character or lack of character. I do not mean to cruel, but some people simply do not belong in your life.

G-d Bless.

Thank you all for your kind attention.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 09-01-2003, 03:00 PM
 
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I want you all to know that you discover who your friends are at times like this. Always be aware and awake to people's reactions, and inactions. It is very telling of their character or lack of character. I do not mean to cruel, but some people simply do not belong in your life.

I think I know what you are talking about.
my mother reacted so poorly when the son of one of her friend's died. I tried to make a case for her to do the 'right' thing but she just didn't. Said, it was too emotional for her and didn't go to the funeral. I thought it was off. only now, six years later has the friend spoken to my mother. I actually thought it was generous of the friend to even fold my mother back in.

anyway, to the point, I am so sorry that people did what they did. and your are right some people don't belong in our lives.

I'm letting links dry up as we speak. Your message was helpful.

prayers and hugs.

tracy

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Old 09-01-2003, 06:24 PM
 
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Yes, how true about finding who your true friends are. When my dh past, it was heartwarming to see how even strangers could be so kindhearted and it was heartbreaking to see how your "friends" treated you.

Sending you peace~

Lisa

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Old 09-02-2003, 01:11 AM
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{{{{{HUG}}}}}
I'm very sorry for you loss, but I must say it is wonderful that he went at home surrounded by those he love and who love him.
I know this can't compare, but I held my grandmothers hand in the hospital as she passed. While it was one of the most painful moments in my life it was also one of the most peaceful are reassuring parts of my life too. I know the being there was so much more comforting than not being there when Ive lost other loved ones.
I also know what you mean about learning who your real friends are. but I've had the same person (ex friend)make a scene 2 X when I've lost someone in my family. Once she wanted to talk all about the bad things we did in high school right infront of my greiving grandmother(I learned later that she was high on crack at the time). The second time she had me on some wild goose chase at the funeral home because she had told everyone that the grandmother of a friend of ours had died too. Turned out she meant me, but had told everyone that it was another girls grandmother. Mutual friends would show up and see me and try to get me to help find the other person. I even have a fear of publishing the death of anyone else, because I'm afriad she'll show up and make a scene.
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Old 09-02-2003, 02:45 AM
 
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a'juice ...



May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem ...



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Old 09-02-2003, 04:01 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. What a blessing for him to be surrounded by his beloved ones during his transition. May God bless you all.
Also, as Sha-lyn I helded the hand of my Mom when she passed away and it was of course incredible sad, but the peace that filled up that room was really amazing. I believe that someday we will be reunited again.
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Old 09-03-2003, 03:25 AM
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Applejuice

Thanks for sharing with us all. I am so sorry for your loss. At the same time I dream of having a beloved husband like yours for 26 years and a family like yours, and tho he has passed, how blessed, how magnificent you are with your children.

I envy your family life and hope to be the woman you are someday.

He awaits you in Zion. Blessed be the incredible bond of your family.

My prayers are with you.
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Old 09-03-2003, 03:37 AM
 
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many, many hugs to you and your family.
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Old 09-03-2003, 02:21 PM
 
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i am very sorry for your loss. will be in thoughts and prayers.

l, <>< wife to my sweetie, proud mama to 3 cubs, 2 who clw & 1 that i i ep for . baby was evicted early by induction due to severe pre-e/hellp syndrome
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Old 09-04-2003, 03:15 AM
 
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Applejuice...

I don't know what to say. I hope you have some comfort in knowing there are so many of us here thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
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Old 09-04-2003, 10:46 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I remember so many of your posts mentioning your husband's illness. I am sure it has been a long and painful road and a very sad goodbye.

You are an amazingly strong person. I know well how hard it is to lose someone slowly, knowing their pain but afraid to lose them. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be with a spouse.

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is still hard even though you have had time to prepare. I am glad he was surrounded by loved ones at home when it happened. An old saying in my family "They died well." Some people find it strange when they hear it but there is so much meaning in it.



I am so sorry Applejuice.

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Old 09-04-2003, 12:24 PM
 
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Originally posted by abimommy
..... had time to prepare. I am glad he was surrounded by loved ones at home when it happened. An old saying in my family "They died well." Some people find it strange when they hear it but there is so much meaning in it.



I too have learned the meaning of "dying well" with the recent passing of my father. He also was able to stay at home and be cared for by family--and even though I wasn't there when he died (I left his home with my husband and four of my five children a mere two hours prior to his death)--there was an incredible peace and calm in the room while we sat with him in his final hours.

Being able to keep him close and care for your husband was the most beautiful parting gift you could give him. I am sorry to read of your loss and I will pray for peace and healing in your life with your children. Thank you for sharing your / his story. As sad as it is, it is also very empowering to read it. (((HUGS)))
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Old 09-06-2003, 11:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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B"H

Thank you all.

I know it is Shabos, but I wanted you all to know that my older two Dear Sons are going through his things and are assemblying a 'shrine' to him utiliziing his medals and pictures from his military campaigns. We went to Kinkos to clean some of them up.

Anyway it is truly a labor of love. I thank you for all of your kindness. My Dear Sons leave soon, one back to college and the other to wherever the USCG sends him. I still have my DD at home and my 11yr old DS who is beginning school for the first time this Monday at the school that I teach. He had been homeschooled by DH and I until now.

Love and Peace to all ...

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 09-06-2003, 07:16 PM
 
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I'm typing this with tears in my eyes. It sounds like he was truly the love of your life and for that loss I'm so sorry. The imprint he's made on his childrens lives will always be with them.

We should all be so lucky to have such a spiritual death. Surrounded by thoes who love us most.

You're a beautiful woman, thank you for sharing with us. I have a beautiful vision of you and your children caring for him.

Please lean on us for support when ever you need it
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Old 09-11-2003, 10:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am back at work, and my DS age 11 is enrolled for the first time in school. DH and I homeschooled him all this time, but he is with me.

My DS age 20 will returen to his post with the military in Ocotber, and my other Ds is back at college. My dd is working and living at home.

LIfe is an adjustment. I cry and I take one day at a time. WE had Back -to School NIght last night and I got my furniture reupholstered. It came in today; Dh and I chose it together, but he will never see it.

Anyway.life goes on. Thank you all for your help and love.

B'H

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 09-12-2003, 02:07 AM
 
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It's wonderful to hear that you are continuing with your life so good, can understand how difficult must be every day, but I'm sure that everything that you think he cannot se anymore he actually does, thorough your eyes. I believe love doesn't have frontiers and that probably he is always with you
((((hugs)))))
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Old 09-12-2003, 02:48 PM
 
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I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It was beautiful to hear how dignified and loving his end was – he was a lucky man to have such a caring and strong family. Something I heard that I found helpful at times like this was – our loved ones live on through the impact of all the good things they did, in our memories, in the consequences of their actions, through their children … the idea that their life made an impact on this world.. that their life changed the people around them. I hope you can find comfort in this. Please take care of yourself.
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