My grandfather died two years ago. He was beaten severely 14 years before his death and due to the blood transfusion he recieved he contracted Hepatitis C. He got sick two years ago and was admitted to the hospital, he had a blood infection due to the Hep. He died as a result of it.
My dad is having problems letting go of the loss of his father. Everytime and anytime he thinks of his dad he only feels pain at the loss of him. He is CONSTANTLY telling me "its unfair, he shouldn't have died so young, suffering so many tragedies in his life. My grandfather was 91 when he died. It's so unfair." His dad was 67.
I understand his feeling. Its unfair that my grandfather died when he was so strong. It's unfair that he was kind enough to pick up a hitchhiker claiming to be a stranded cop and the crack addict ended up beating him nearly to death with his pistol, then leaving him for dead in a ditch. It's not fair that such a kind and loving man would have to suffer such pain.
But he did. And he was proud everyday of his life afterward. He was proud to have survived when the doctors said he would die. He loved his family more than anything and he was proud of them. He loved gardening and working with the earth to grow food for his family, for the love of growing something. THIS is what I remember of him, and when I remember him, I am happy, his memory fills my heart with such love and warmth...
But my dad....
My dad is filled with pain every time he thinks of his father. He is constantly depressed over his loss, he is always blaming himself for his fathers death. My grandfathers body was shutting down and the doctors told my dad that his body was done, it could not take anymore. They could try to revive him, but it wouldn't do any good. So my dad decided to let him go. I worry that he will never forgive himself.
I've tried over and over, in every terminolgy I can think of to help him to let go of this pain. To remember his dad the way I do.. the way he would want to be remembered; as a strong, loving man who loved his family and his life to the fullest extent. I know in my heart that he would have died happy, but I just cannot make my dad understand this. I can't help him with his pain. I tell him that outrage in the the name of fairness is not going to help him, its useless. That to be so sad at the memory of his father is not giving his father the honor he deserves. He chooses instead to berate himself and focus on the hardships his dad endured and how unfair it was to him to have to experience such pain.
The loss of his father is really the only real pain my dad has endured. He's had one of those "happy" lives.
I cannot find a way to help him with this pain and its killing me that he's hurting so badly still... if you have any advice for me, please share!