My friend took his life - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just found out last night that a dear friend of mine has taken his own life. I am devastated. He was a close friend for 10 years and has a special place in my heart. He was always a loner, buy I never thought it would come to this.
I wish I could have done something to prevent this, but I had no idea he was feeling this bad. He sent me an email a couple of weeks before his death with a small video he had put together. Looking back I think it was his "goodbye letter" but at the time I just thought it was a poetic early-spring thing, so I wrote him back, asked if we could meet up soon and told him I liked his video. He wrote back that sure we should get together soon. And then he sent me a picture of a melting snowman with the text "I'll be dead soon". It was typical of him to send jokes like that and it never once crossed my mind that he was referring to himself.
I am devastated. He was 36 years old

He was a very special person. A unique personality, deep and with a big heart. He was always there for his friends, but in the end he felt so alone that he decided to leave us behind. He never wanted a family or kids - something that I never understood. He was always a lonesome wolf kind of person and I believe I was one of the very few people who really understood and cherished his special, deep, kind and unique personality.
The one place where his special and beautiful personality was clear for all to see was in his amazing photographs.

I will miss him always

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#2 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 09:48 AM
 
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that is all i can say. I am so sorry.
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#3 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 09:53 AM
 
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I'm so very sorry.The photographs are truly amazing.
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#4 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 11:33 AM
 
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Wow...what beautiful photos. Thank you for sharing the beauty he saw.

Please don't blame yourself. There's nothing you could have done or said that would have changed what happened. He was suffering, and it's nothing another person could fix.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#5 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 05:58 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. His work is beautiful - thanks for sharing.
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#6 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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i'm sorry
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#7 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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i'm so sorry.

it sounds like you were a good friend to him

i pray he has found his peace

proverbs 29:7 the righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.

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#8 of 20 Old 03-29-2008, 10:05 PM
 
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and praying your friend finds peace. There is a lovely practice in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition called Tonglen. The basic practice is to start with your friend. Breathe in his pain and despair, and breathe out peace. Do this until you feel truly peaceful. Then move to another person you know and do the same. Then you can embrace a group of people, like AIDS sufferers or people with cancer, and do the same for them. It generally follows this pattern until we get to the whole universe of sentient beings. It is a way to start to turn pain into peace, and is thought to benefit the person who has died because their death resulted in increasing peoples' feelings of compassion for the suffering.
may all beings be free of suffering
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#9 of 20 Old 03-30-2008, 04:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for all your responses.
All day yesterday my head was filled with all the pictures, all the memories we shared, obsessive thoughts about him jumping from his window etc.
I had a long talk with a mutual friend and found a lot of answers. My friend had been suffering for a long time with very serious issues that go back to him being a stationed soldier in a warzone. He was recently diagnosed with PTSD and learning all these things has given me a greater understanding of his reasons. I am devastated that he could suffer so much that this would be his choice.
He was a person with a special place in my heart but for complicated reasons we have not been in close contact for the past years. And now its too late

Thanks for listening..

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#10 of 20 Old 03-30-2008, 11:17 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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#11 of 20 Old 03-30-2008, 08:58 PM
 
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I'm very sorry

Kylin 10/14/2002

Aja 8/13/2004

Evie 3/11/2010

2 angels in Heaven (Alexis & Bryson)

Currently NTNP for baby #4 dust.gif

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#12 of 20 Old 03-30-2008, 10:38 PM
 
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If you need to talk, feel free to PM me. My DD1's father committed suicide.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#13 of 20 Old 03-31-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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Mama to DS (3/7/06)om.gif, DSD  hearts.gif(11/17/02), DD (1/16/08 )energy.gif ,  DS2 (5/30/10) sleepytime.gif and Baby Quinn angel.gif (R.I.P 3/22/13)

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#14 of 20 Old 04-02-2008, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry to see I'm not the only one who has lost a loved one in this way
Still going through it all over and over, blaming myself for not responding to his e-mails, for not arranging a meeting rather than keep postponing it, for not participating more in his life, for not having any idea he was feeling like this, for rejecting him when he would send me "i miss you" messages while being way too drunk, for all the things that will now forever be unsaid.
And anger that he never just told me straight up that he was feeling miserable - I keep wanting to phone him up to tell him how stupid it is to commit suicide then remember I cant ever talk with him again.
I keep wondering if he survived the fall, then slowly died on the pavement while in agony and regretting his decision, whether he had time to regret on the way down and so on and so on.
Then I see happy pics of him and think it cant be true his not around anymore. What a bummer.
My circle of really close friends is now down to two

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#15 of 20 Old 04-02-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

for everybody who's lost a loved one this way.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#16 of 20 Old 04-03-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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I'm so sorry.

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#17 of 20 Old 04-03-2008, 12:59 AM
 
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I have been there. I feel for you and his family. PM me if you want to talk.
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#18 of 20 Old 04-03-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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DP and I lost a very close friend to suicide a couple of years ago. It was one of the hardest things we've ever been through. The cycles we went through in our grief was textbook and the anger was almost too much to stand.

Please don't blame yourself. Just keep talking about him and remembering what it was about him that was so special.

It's so sad and I'm so sorry :

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#19 of 20 Old 04-03-2008, 02:02 AM
 
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I'm sorry.
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#20 of 20 Old 04-03-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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me knit.gif, he bikenew.gif, my three reading.gif, sleepytime.gif, and fairy.gif-- and the one we lost angel2.gif
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