You are a woman. Flawed and perfect, strong and weak, loved and forgiven.
When you are ready, there's an excellent organization called Exhale that is a support line for women (and their families, partners, etc.) who have experienced an abortion. I have a former colleague who works for them and they do wonderful work.
I have to say that site that someone above mentioned for life after an abortion, is quite nice. I think it'll be very helpful for me in making a decision to terminate. Everyone physically in our life is being VERY supportive of termination. However, some of my Internet friends are NOT supporting termination whether for religious reasons or just positive outlook--that it *may* not be that bad--could be they're just not informed enough on the highly likelihood of what it'll be. We have TWO small ones, so to take care of a seizuring & severely disabled child will not only be VERY financially devastating, but also emotionally & physically exhausting. Not entirely impossible, but what quality of life would this child or our other children have?? I feel like, who am I to judge? But also, I have this knowledge (the u/s, the MRI, the amnio), I should use it. DH thinks it's "a sign" that we found the CP Cyst on the first u/s which led to the follow-up u/s that found the Hydrocephalus & ACC and we were meant to have this knowledge. This is just my thought process that I have to share... hope nobody judges me negatively. If they do, I'm prepared to take it. I will not hide b/c if I were that ashamed of my decision, I just would not terminate. For what it's worth, I don't really feel with 100% certainty that it's the best decision right now, but after the Genetic Counseling & amnio, I have a feeling, I'll be with 100% certainty. I'll probably know by Friday, May 26th with 100% certainty it's the right decision.
I hope this info will help the OP & maybe some other user too shy to speak up who is maybe going through a similiar situation. :
My baby passed sometime after my amnio and my amnio came back with bad results. It is such a relief & a blessing, she is our angel in heaven now. Although, very devastating, we know she's in a better place. God bless you, OP & please try (I know it's hard) to find peace with your decision. You have a beautiful angel baby to look down on you now & you made the best decision in the situation. ;o)
And if adoption isn't for you, being an only child has many, many benefits as well. You did what was best for your family, try to remember that when it gets really hard...
mostly just hugs and healing to you mama
We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.
Hang in there. ((hugs))
Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.
You did what you had to do. Please, please know that you are not judged here, only loved. You are still alive and I hope you can find some peace somewhere... your family needed you sane and whole and you did what was necessary to accomplish that. Keep in mind they STILL need you sane and whole... and you must find a way to continue accomplishing that. Please seek some counseling or therapy in person, and find that inner core of strength we all know you have.
Above all, mama, let yourself grieve. Don't be afraid to hurt for the child lost. You acted out of love, for yourself, your family and even for the baby that was not to be.
Peace, healing and strength to you...
)O( Far-away Mama to: Pooka (16)...Alex (14)...Mickie-Lamb (13)...Solo Mama to: Punkin' Seed (8)...Tootsie Pop (6)...Lil' Man (3) and a due February 2012
My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.
. Peace to you!
. Peace to you!
I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
Mama to Sprout 4.09 and Bruises 7.11 handfasted to 9.07
I too suffer with Bipolar disorder with pronouced episodes of severe depression. While I've never terminated I've suffered losses aplenty (8 m/c's). I've lost a great deal this year and the truth is tha tthe ONLY thing that got me through it all was to find a partial inpatient hospitalization program. It sounds worse than it is. IT's a day program where you are in a group setting with others that are dealign with mental health issues - many probably far worse than your own. There isa a world of praise for how much beign in a room with others that are at the very least dealgin with similar mental health issues. It literally saved my life and my sanity, taught me some incredible coping skills and turned my life from suicidal to living fully. It CAN help immensely.
your pain is so real, so valid, and so very very deep try to find something and someone that can help.
many many hugs to you.
In other ways I also (almost) understand your situation & pain.
Yet truly, I don't know. There is so much to your story here. I feel so sad for you. I hope you are coming to terms with it all slowly.
You are not alone in this experience.
Mother to DD born Jan 2008 and DS born Nov 2011.
many, many hugs to you and your little angel.