So sad (pregnancy term. mentioned) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 57 Old 05-20-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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Peace mama. Peace.

Nessa, DD1 (5) DD2 (3) & expecting again in late February/early March!
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#32 of 57 Old 05-20-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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I'm scared for you, mama. Please get help. I know you feel bleak and hopeless. It isn't always going to feel as dreadful as it feels right now. Don't sacrifice your life to this feeling. You've been through a trauma, and you need help to heal, but you CAN heal. You can. You have within you an amazing strength. nehug
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#33 of 57 Old 05-25-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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So sorry. Allow yourself to greive, unashamed. No judgment here, only love. And respect for your ability to act, to have spared your son & husband the pain of losing you, in the midst of so much frantic pain.

You are a woman. Flawed and perfect, strong and weak, loved and forgiven.
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#34 of 57 Old 05-25-2008, 04:32 AM
 
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, Mama...

When you are ready, there's an excellent organization called Exhale that is a support line for women (and their families, partners, etc.) who have experienced an abortion. I have a former colleague who works for them and they do wonderful work.
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#35 of 57 Old 05-25-2008, 11:34 PM
 
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I'm sorry that you had to make such a tough choice. Be gentle with yourself.
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#36 of 57 Old 05-26-2008, 11:12 AM
 
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Wow, this is a HEAVY subject. So sorry you had to go through this... don't know how it'd feel, but I am right now going through being counselled on "the option" to terminate. We have a baby with Hydrocephalus, ACC (Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum), and a Choroid Plexus Cyst. These conditions *may* be caused by Trisomy 18, T13 or T8. One or two of those are fatal genetic disorders. If the baby has a fatal genetic disorder, we will terminate. I'm 25 weeks pregnant now & am 1 week passed our state's termination limitation, so we'll have to travel. This is a VERY horrible decision to have to make... our pregnancy is VERY much wanted & uneventful otherwise, we're very excited to have a new baby, but just don't think we could deal with a baby that *may* live up to a year or a pregnancy that'll fail close to term. We've had a Fetal MRI to "confirm diagnosis" and next week, we're having an amnio to check for the genetic defects. We would've had the amnio earlier, but my bloodwork came back farely low risk for genetic defects--doesn't mean we aren't that 1:6,000 that could have it.

I have to say that site that someone above mentioned for life after an abortion, is quite nice. I think it'll be very helpful for me in making a decision to terminate. Everyone physically in our life is being VERY supportive of termination. However, some of my Internet friends are NOT supporting termination whether for religious reasons or just positive outlook--that it *may* not be that bad--could be they're just not informed enough on the highly likelihood of what it'll be. We have TWO small ones, so to take care of a seizuring & severely disabled child will not only be VERY financially devastating, but also emotionally & physically exhausting. Not entirely impossible, but what quality of life would this child or our other children have?? I feel like, who am I to judge? But also, I have this knowledge (the u/s, the MRI, the amnio), I should use it. DH thinks it's "a sign" that we found the CP Cyst on the first u/s which led to the follow-up u/s that found the Hydrocephalus & ACC and we were meant to have this knowledge. This is just my thought process that I have to share... hope nobody judges me negatively. If they do, I'm prepared to take it. I will not hide b/c if I were that ashamed of my decision, I just would not terminate. For what it's worth, I don't really feel with 100% certainty that it's the best decision right now, but after the Genetic Counseling & amnio, I have a feeling, I'll be with 100% certainty. I'll probably know by Friday, May 26th with 100% certainty it's the right decision.

I hope this info will help the OP & maybe some other user too shy to speak up who is maybe going through a similiar situation. :

***Update***
My baby passed sometime after my amnio and my amnio came back with bad results. It is such a relief & a blessing, she is our angel in heaven now. Although, very devastating, we know she's in a better place. God bless you, OP & please try (I know it's hard) to find peace with your decision. You have a beautiful angel baby to look down on you now & you made the best decision in the situation. ;o)
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#37 of 57 Old 05-26-2008, 11:17 AM
 
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You made the best decision that you could at the time.

May time bring you peace and healing.
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#38 of 57 Old 05-26-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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May you find peace and healing.
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#39 of 57 Old 05-26-2008, 07:40 PM
 
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(((HUGS))) Mama - Sending you healing thoughts for your body, mind & soul.
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#40 of 57 Old 05-26-2008, 07:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doctormom View Post
You did what you believed was best for you and your family. You made the best choice you could at the time.

I am so sorry for the grief and pain you are feeling now. I hope that in time, your heart will heal.
Yes, exactly. Whoever you are, know that you are supported and not alone.
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#41 of 57 Old 05-26-2008, 08:36 PM
 
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hugs, mama. and I know it's too soon to be thinking of this right now, but I wanted to second the adoption suggestion -- adoption isn't for everyone, but if you really want your little guy to have a sibling, there is no reason why he can't.

And if adoption isn't for you, being an only child has many, many benefits as well. You did what was best for your family, try to remember that when it gets really hard...

mostly just hugs and healing to you mama

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

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#42 of 57 Old 05-27-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss of everything you grieve for now. One thing I have found to help me move on from my losses (m/c) is to talk to the babies I lost and tell them I am sorry. To imagine holding them and telling them I loved them. This also helped me get past a large part of my grief over my first C-section and what my babies went through as a result.
Hang in there. ((hugs))

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#43 of 57 Old 05-30-2008, 03:30 PM
 
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Oh, mama....

You did what you had to do. Please, please know that you are not judged here, only loved. You are still alive and I hope you can find some peace somewhere... your family needed you sane and whole and you did what was necessary to accomplish that. Keep in mind they STILL need you sane and whole... and you must find a way to continue accomplishing that. Please seek some counseling or therapy in person, and find that inner core of strength we all know you have.

Above all, mama, let yourself grieve. Don't be afraid to hurt for the child lost. You acted out of love, for yourself, your family and even for the baby that was not to be.

Peace, healing and strength to you...

)O(   Far-away Mama to: Pooka (16)...Alex (14)...Mickie-Lamb (13)...Solo Mama to: Punkin' Seed (8)...Tootsie Pop (6)...Lil' Man (3) and a yikes2.gif due February 2012

~~~~ribbonpurple.gifDV Survivor/Fibroribbonpurple.gif~~~~ 

4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32**heartbeat.gif36***40

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#44 of 57 Old 05-31-2008, 03:16 PM
 
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That is so hard. I'm sorry. Please find someone to talk to in real life.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#45 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 12:54 AM
 
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Oh mama. I am so so sorry for what you've been through. I suffer from depression, so I know a portion of what you have been dealing with. I really don't have any answers for you... I'm only 5 months into this journey myself....and it kind of feels like everyone finds their own ways to heal. I hope you find something. Your story just breaks my heart for you. What an aweful decision to have to make, but you did what you had to for yourself. I really fear what would have happened to you had you continued without your meds. I'm so sorry, mama. So sorry.

Natalie, mama to Katherine (5/22/10), missing Devin (stillborn 3/6/08)
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#46 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 01:48 AM
 
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OP, your username says speaks to the amount of grief you are experiencing. Please give yourself and your family time and space to heal! As women and mothers, we are sometimes faced with impossibly difficult decisions that still need to be made. You and your DH made the best decision you could at the time and place you were in when you made it. Mourn, process, heal, but don't second-guess yourselves.

. Peace to you!

Growing babies, fruits, veges, and chickens on our little urban homestead in the frozen north
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#47 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 02:02 AM
 
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OP, your username says speaks to the amount of grief you are experiencing. Please give yourself and your family time and space to heal! As women and mothers, we are sometimes faced with impossibly difficult decisions that still need to be made. You and your DH made the best decision you could at the time and place you were in when you made it. Mourn, process, heal, but don't second-guess yourselves.

. Peace to you!

Growing babies, fruits, veges, and chickens on our little urban homestead in the frozen north
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#48 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 03:13 AM
 
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I wish I could give you words of comfort. But whoever you are, we love you here and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
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#49 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 03:24 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your pain . . .

Please find someone in real life (a counselor?) you can talk to face to face. This is too much grief to hold inside.
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#50 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 01:28 PM
 
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#51 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 09:36 PM
 
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no one judges here, especially when you come with an open heart. s You will find peace. Enjoy your daughter and your DH.

I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
Mama to Sprout jog.gif 4.09 and Bruises babyboy.gif 7.11 handfasted to superhero.gif 9.07

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#52 of 57 Old 08-02-2008, 11:14 PM
 
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You did the best you were able to at the time. With your illness, your life was in danger and you must be a momma to your dd. She needs you

hugs to you
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#53 of 57 Old 08-04-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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((hugs))
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#54 of 57 Old 08-04-2008, 04:23 PM
 
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Erika, wife to Eric, Mom to Son's, Mathias, Colin and Bonus Baby Girl Salem ::
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#55 of 57 Old 08-07-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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Oh mama. I'm so sad for you right now

I too suffer with Bipolar disorder with pronouced episodes of severe depression. While I've never terminated I've suffered losses aplenty (8 m/c's). I've lost a great deal this year and the truth is tha tthe ONLY thing that got me through it all was to find a partial inpatient hospitalization program. It sounds worse than it is. IT's a day program where you are in a group setting with others that are dealign with mental health issues - many probably far worse than your own. There isa a world of praise for how much beign in a room with others that are at the very least dealgin with similar mental health issues. It literally saved my life and my sanity, taught me some incredible coping skills and turned my life from suicidal to living fully. It CAN help immensely.

your pain is so real, so valid, and so very very deep try to find something and someone that can help.

many many hugs to you.
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#56 of 57 Old 10-07-2008, 06:13 AM
 
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I have a dear friend who recently described her BP to me... and by that, I have some understanding of your decision.

In other ways I also (almost) understand your situation & pain.

Yet truly, I don't know. There is so much to your story here. I feel so sad for you. I hope you are coming to terms with it all slowly.

You are not alone in this experience.

Mother caffix.gif to DD born Jan 2008 and DS born Nov 2011. 

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#57 of 57 Old 10-07-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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you know, usually i'm pro-life... but all that comes to mind right now is you did the best you knew how to do and my heart truely holds no judgement, only sorrow. i'm so sorry mama, i'm sorry for your loss, i'm sorry for your pain, i'm sorry for your battle with depression. i've had severe PPD in the past and i've also dealt with chronic depression and anxiety (it's been years now).. and in the process, i've done some things i'm not proud of, but i also need to remind myself that i wasn't in the right state of mind. you need to remind yourself too. i wish you a gentle healing..
many, many hugs to you and your little angel.
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