Fears of a five year old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 04-09-2002, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Tonight, while going through bedtime routine my dd hugged me and asked me - if she was to be born again - if she could choose the same mama. Then she said that she would be so terrible sad if I would die. I reassured her that I would always be there for her.
Has anybody else dealt with such issues? Might these sad feelings of separateness even be a sign for a first difficult step towards more independence? Thank you for your input!
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#2 of 10 Old 04-09-2002, 06:20 PM
 
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My dd had a fear of me dying when she was 5. (She's now just turned 6.) I thought it was because I was sick for most of the summer, but maybe this is typical of 5 year olds. How we handled it: at our church there's a "milagros" which is a board on which people post their prayers and the prayers are remembered at each mass. So dd posted a note that said "Please don't let Mommy die." This did seem to help her. I don't feel right promising that I won't die, because you just never know. My own mom had a rather unexpected death. I do tell her that I feel fine and that I'm not sick any more and that the dr. says I'm healthy.

My ds went through an intense obsession with death when he was 4.
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#3 of 10 Old 04-09-2002, 11:42 PM
 
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How very strange! my five yr old son was crying at the table the the other day, just sitting there on his own. we had had words earlier and then he had gone to eat his cereal there and suddenly he was crying. he told me he was afraid i would die. i read that kids often have elaborate fantasies when they are angry in which people they are mad at die....then they feel guilty and remorseful for having thought it.
i talked to him about how we can sometimes be angry and think about bad things because of it, but that most ppl do (hehe road rage) handle it by realizing their thoughts cant harm that someone and that they wouldnt REALLY wish such awful things to actually happen. he seemed relieved. he is generally a fearful kid...things bother him that i wouldnt even think of so i was glad he shared this with me so we could discuss it.
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#4 of 10 Old 04-10-2002, 12:06 PM
 
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It must be the age! My almost 5 yr. old DD has been talking about death lately. She is afraid her Daddy will die because he's old. (he has lots of gray hair) The other day she said she doesn't want to die when she is old either. It must be a difficult concept for them...every human must go through it..knowing they will die..but even for many grown-ups the idea is terrifying.
We try to be reassuring and try to treat it as matter of factly as possible.

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#5 of 10 Old 04-21-2002, 04:31 AM
 
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Peggy,

That reminds me of a dreamI had when I was little.

My dad worked as a "bread man," & I would dream that he would come home from work, take off his hat, & HIS HAIR HAD TURNED GREY!! And this just freaked me out. I can't remember how often I dreamed it but I know it was more than once.

Now I am noticing grey strands in my own hair... sigh!

Love, Jenny
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#6 of 10 Old 04-21-2002, 12:33 PM
 
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My ds has been sort of obsessing about death recently - but by I contribute it to the nearness of Easter. He knows the story and has a child's video about Jesus. He even leans up against large crosses like the crucified Christ and hangs his head in an overly dramatized sad face (anyone know a good agent?:LOL ). And when something does die, or he talks about death, he just assumes Jesus/God will bring them back to life. So he isn't nec. sad, but it is a repeated theme. I assume where you live, Ostara, there are a lot of those "Wegkreuze" - those little mini field chapels - I sometimes wonder how the crucifixtion, Lent and Easter register in little one's minds . . I guess I went off on that chain, because being "born again" was said, which sent me off spinning in theological circles . . .
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#7 of 10 Old 04-23-2002, 12:59 PM
 
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We're going through the same thing with our nearly-5-year-old ds. He talks about death constantly, mostly saying things like, "I wish I didn't have to ever die. I like being this person. I don't want to be someone else." (Ok, so the reincarnation thing has come up -- when he asked what happens when you die, I told him that no one really knows for sure but some people think you go to heaven and some people think your spirit is reborn into a new baby, etc....).

The most disturbing thing he's been doing is pretending to be dead. Every day now he says, "Mommy, pretend like I'm dead." And I tell him that I don't want to pretend something like that and he replies, "Ok. I'll pretend like I'm dead and you just cry." He also has funerals for his babies (his stuffed animals). I'm sure all of this is normal at this age, especially after reading the other posts on this thread. But it's still sometimes difficult to deal with. Especially because by ds bringing it up all the time, I'm forced to face my own fears about death!

Thanks to all you other moms who are posting here. It's nice to know that others are dealing with this issue too.
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#8 of 10 Old 05-07-2002, 04:26 AM
 
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My five year old is going thru thesew fears as well.EVERYTHING is all of a sudden scaring him so were not getting to bed toll 2 am sometimes.He freaks me out sometimes cuz hes aways talking about blood and dead bodies and cut off heads.He saw something somewhere i guess.......Come to think of it though,when i was 5 i asked my Mom if id live forever and was afraid of dying but living forever seemed so long!!!
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#9 of 10 Old 05-07-2002, 07:55 AM
 
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These fears are intensifying as well.He creeates Monsters in his head,when i tell him to erase them (visualization)It doesnt help!Neither does telling him that i can protect agains trobbers or anything else...........hmmmmmmmmm.wha tto do...(sigh)
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#10 of 10 Old 05-07-2002, 06:07 PM
 
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you know, it's such a comfort sometimes to come to this board and find put that your kid isn't really ill or scary in some way. DD has been really having a tough week. We are in a very definite monster phase here. We need to keep her away from scary content, because she is now afraid of windows at night.
But she has been expressing her fear of dying herself, and what would happen to her, and would she be lonely without us...she gets very upset, and can't let go of it. then she thinks she is dying, that she might forget to breathe. Then she gets a little panicky, and soon she is SURE that she HAS forgotten how to breathe. We've had some quite dramatic nights here lately.
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