NOVEMBER '05 Mamas' and Babies' December 08 thread - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-16-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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Spughy, go seam your knitting, huh? I'm waiting for the pictures...

Fern It's always good to hear from you, but I'm so sorry about your Xmas box. I can't imagine being without mine: not so much the tree, but my nutcrackers and stuff.

I want snow. I hate global warming, hate climate change, hate that I get to say "I told you so." I just want a covering of snow big enough to make a snowman with my kids, and I want it here in the southwest and not to have to drive to Durham for it. So sniff. I wish to be all cold and frozen and snowmanny.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 12-16-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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Helen, I'll go outside and have a talk with the snow about heading over your way. I'm usually a snow-hater, but having Neela makes me a little more understanding of it's joys. But I much prefer to look up at the mountains and think that it looks beautiful and I could head up there if I wanted.

We have "bum-trumpets" here. As in "mum, are you playing your bum-trumpet again?". Special thanks to my husband for that one

Hi Fern! Wishing you a happy holiday in your cozy home! Brrrrrr :

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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Old 12-16-2008, 03:15 PM
 
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I have to report some Ella hilarity. The other day, she's walking around talking on her cell phone, having a very involved conversation. (I have an old cell that was replaced and long out of service, and so I took the battery out and she plays with it sometimes.) I was working in the kitchen and she comes over to me and says something like, "Mommy, say something. Shhhh!" So I said, "Shhhh!" and she got very upset and said, "No, you talk, and *I* say "shhhhh"!!" I'm like, "you want me to talk so you can tell me to shush?" and she says, "yes!" So that's the new game--she wants me to talk loudly when she's on the phone and then she puts her finger to her lips and tells me, "shhhh, I'm on the phone." Me: "oh, I'm sorry, was I talking too loud and interrupting when you were on the phone?" Her: "Yes." Me: "oh, I'm sorry, I'll be quieter. I guess I must shush her on the phone more than I realize!!!

I'm having a bit of a down day here. I should really go grocery shopping and pick up a few items but I'm tired and I don't feel very motivated and I have a headache that I've had all night since bedtime. Ella and I both have somewhat stuffy noses, and her eye is a little runny/sticky and she's been pooping a ton and it's been a weird day-glow green color. She isn't acting like it's bothering her except for wiping her eye and asking for help blowing her nose, but I hope she's not actually getting sick. I swear, winter plus preschool is just killing us. We've been sick more than not these days.

I've been working a lot on our finances here lately, so that's a major preoccupation here. I've mostly taken over keeping the checkbook and recording expenses, doing the budget, etc. I'm glad because we're getting (back) on the right track, but it's very much a hot button issue around here for me and DH and it's hard to communicate effectively about money together. I swear that sometimes it's like we speak different languages--which might be in fact because we do have different native languages, even though he's spoken English from an early age too. Sigh.

I'd better get going, Ella is here requesting cheese. Although she really wants "num-nums" but that's not happening until naptime so she's settling for another food. She is driving me crazy with pinching and grabbing my breasts a lot, I am seriously just wanting to be done with nursing and get some sort of suit of armor so she leaves my nipples the heck alone! I'm trying to cut down on times and situations she nurses and help her develop some other ways of dealing besides wanting to nurse. She really is attached to it, though, so it's hard for me to just cut her off.
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Old 12-16-2008, 09:04 PM
 
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Kavita, if it makes you feel any better, I'm now wishing Rowan *hadn't* weaned because there've been several times in the past couple of weeks when there have been screaming irrationality episodes and I've wanted to be able to just pick her up and smuck her on a boob. However, I do need to report that she slept for more than 12 hours last night, solidly, and this morning was a completely different child - cooperative, happy, cuddly - so Grandma has instructions today to avoid the nap if possible... we'll see how it goes. Maybe her body just needs a long stretch of sleep instead of two shorter ones?

Helen - :. Sorry ma'am. I'll get right on that. :

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Old 12-16-2008, 11:35 PM
 
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Hey mamas. Just wanted to say Hi! Everyone sounds so happy and healthy, I hope you guys all have a wonderful holiday season.

DID and Helen, thank you so much for all you've done and continue to do along with the MDC community for HH.

treehugger.gif Bex -- Single, hardworking mama to reading.gif DS (11), love.gif DD (7), & flowerkitty.gif Lars (13)
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Old 12-17-2008, 12:49 PM
 
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Hee hee, these kids are so clever, aren't they? I swear, Brynn cracks me up at least once a day.

I had some wack-o dreams last night, but one of them had an appearance by our very own Kavita. I dreamt that we were picking up clothes from a dry-cleaner and as we walked out, she said, "I can't find the keys to my Porsche!" Apparently, she had an older-model Porsche parked out in the backyard of her house that they never drove, but she kept the key on her keychain. So she called her DH to tell him, and then they realized that the car was stolen. The worst part, though, was that her MIL had been storing $150,000 (!!!) in the glove compartment of the car, so that money was gone because it hadn't been insured. Needless to say, Kavita was pretty stressed out. The dream faded into something else at that point, so I never did find out if the car & money were recoverd. So Kavita, keep an eye on your keys and money, Honey!!

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 12-17-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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Hi Bex! Wishing you a wonderful holiday, too!

Kavita, I'll help you find your Porshe and your money if there's a finder's fee!

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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Old 12-17-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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DID and Helen, thank you so much for all you've done and continue to do along with the MDC community for HH.
: After reading the thank you that you sent to Helen I had to go cry for 20 minutes. I'm so honored to be part of HH. :
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I mean, it felt nice to get the compliment, but I was also thinking, I must look pretty rough without make-up!
Speaking of high school, this is the EXACT reason I told myself at the time that I NEVER wore makeup. I was so worried that people would get used to me looking "pretty" that when I looked like my "real" self, I'd be ugly in comparison. This evolved to my sister and I developing a complicated classification system of "pretty" that included a category of "make-up pretty," as in, she's not REALLY pretty except when she wears make-up. Ah, to be a teenager again...

And dog-mamas, this is so crazy I had to share. So, my Doberman lost something like eight pounds in a week. I just knew he had a tapeworm, so we brought him in. Turns out yes, he did have one, but the vet said that there was something more going on. Turns out some dogs go through periodic metabolic changes that you have to kind of "correct" with volume of food. He recommended that we just let the dog eat until he was full at every meal. I know y'all know how much some dogs can eat. I can't believe I am opening the food bin and letting my big boy stick his head in to just munch until he can munch no more. But, it's working. He is gaining weight. I'm supposed to bring him in again in two weeks to reassess, but this is going to drive me broke if we have to keep it up. And the weirdest thing? This dog is NINE. That's the end of the line for some Dobermans. And mine is chowing like a puppy. Again, !!!
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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HoneyTree - I can't imagine letting my dog eat until she's full. Well, I can. She would just keep eating. Labs have no satiety indicator, they just keep going. When she was just young we went to a "pumpkin bowling" thing at my friend Dave's farm, where there were pumpkins in various stages of smashage, and our silly dog went around hoovering up the guts and any bits she could find. Within 20 minutes her waist was completely gone, her stomach was so distended she was having trouble walking. We put her in the car for the rest of the afternoon and she pooped and barfed pumpkin seeds for the next 2 days. Fun. Your dog actually stops when full? Amazing. But I can sympathize with the food bills! I hope your hound recovers fully and is bouncing around like normal again soon!

Postpartum doula & certified breastfeeding educator, mama to an amazing girl (11/05) and a wee little boy (3/13).

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Old 12-18-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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Look, spughy, you can't start a knitting blog and declare that you're going to do something "tomorrow" and have nobody mention it... that would be rude

My daughter is just something else. Normally when we ask what she wants Santa to bring for Christmas, she says "my granje"- because we've told her granje (my mum) is coming for Christmas. We were doing some makebelieve at the Christmas party today (Fi from Dramababes did the entertainment) and they went to look for santa, and he gave them presents early, and she opened up a really big box and declared that her brother was inside So sweet

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sarah, the picture of you on your knitting blog profile is really cute! I'm pretty good about updating my Ravelry, but haven't been able to get a good blog going in quite some time--almost exactly three years, to think of it...
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:31 PM
 
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Aw thanks Theresa! (There is a new post up Helen. And just so you know, the Christmas dress I'm making Rowan is going more slowly than I'd like - mostly just due to not having any time to knit since we decided naps were a bad idea - so it looks like it'll be a New Year's dress. Or a Chinese New Year's dress. )

We still have a winter wonderland here. I'm kinda done with it. It's pretty, but I hate the snow that gets tracked into the house, the constant forays for firewood, the people who can't drive...

ETA: Skye is so sweet. Rowan wants a bird for Christmas. A bird who can poo in his cage. . She's getting fairies. I hope they work too. They don't poo at all.

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Old 12-18-2008, 11:40 PM
 
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we have nothing near snow here. it's even been warm. i am living here in (and not on a tropical island) in hopes of cold weather to fire up the woodstove. so, bring the coldness!!! i guess our woodstove being broken is a sign that i am actually not ready for winter, perhaps.

i have been horrible about making gifts. i am making some for my mama friends but the kids in our life are getting mainly stuff that i have picked up over the year for them. ez is getting some house stuff like a broom and a mop in her tiny size! and, a real, working stethoscope! bux is getting a ball, as she dives for those at friends houses.

spughy- where do you all get firewood?

helen- skye is funny...and awesome!

more later, babies on me needing to go to bed now!

doula mama to my nov 05 and my feb 08 babes who wrap me in love.
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Old 12-19-2008, 09:39 AM
 
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Fairies, Spughy? What kind of fairies? Skye is reading Chelsea Morning at least once a day at the minute, and I'd kind of like a break.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 12-19-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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I'll take fairies; Brynn is *obsessed* with dragons these days. : We did get her a really pretty one for christmas though, I will say.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 12-19-2008, 03:14 PM
 
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spughy- where do you all get firewood?
At the moment the firewood is the remains of the huge rowan tree in our backyard that came down in the spring. It's not *thoroughly* seasoned but it does burn well. Also we have some scrap lumber DH got from helping a friend demolish a kids' playhouse. Usually though we scavenge - anytime a tree comes down on municipal property (roadsides, parks etc.) the city cuts it up into firewood lengths and leaves it. If we spot some, one of us (me, DH, or our landlord) grabs the truck and takes it. It's a good system because the city gets wood cleared away much faster than if they tried to do it themselves! We did have to pay for some firewood last year but in the 6 years we've lived here, heating solely with wood, we've paid maybe a total of $300 for firewood.

The fairies are little cloth/wool/felt creations from a craft market here - Rowan saw them in the fall and fell in love, so I made a point of searching out the fairy lady and buying a girl fairy, a boy fairy and a baby fairy for her. They've got wired legs and arms so they're poseable and have the sweetest faces, and little acorn hats. They're stashed away right now, but I'll take a picture and post it after she opens them.

Postpartum doula & certified breastfeeding educator, mama to an amazing girl (11/05) and a wee little boy (3/13).

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Old 12-19-2008, 04:45 PM
 
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hey everyone.. yes, a big thanks to thoe mamas being hh organisers..ect.. i wish i could, but honestly, my life isnt doing so well. im feeling the stress of the holidays..we are poor. like really. i signed up for a christmas hamper this christmas from our local food bank, whom ive been visiting once a month. its okay though..its just for now. rue is nearly old enough for me to work..if i can find any..and get there.. being still without a drivers liscence.
im hoping i can get my etsy shop filled up and start selling stuff, but time is sooo hard to find these days. i clean and clean and my house is a mess always. i need someone to come help me declutter/de-pet or something! and rue is screaming at me every moment i dont hold her, which means ngaio is feeling extremely neglected..she is watching far too much tv..and just creating mass chaos in our home as a result. i was hoping for the kids to go to their dads this weekend, but elwynn cried himself to sleep saying how he doesnt want to go..and i cant mke him..it just doesnt feel right.. so my hope for a quiet house to get christmas set up here is gone.. maybe i should just call off the whole thing all together. it just sucks.i usyually love this time of year..but doing it with 3 kids..alone..sigh.

 

 

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Old 12-19-2008, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Usually though we scavenge - anytime a tree comes down on municipal property (roadsides, parks etc.) the city cuts it up into firewood lengths and leaves it.
See, this is just good planning, the kind that they don't do here in Florida. I know that there is far less need for firewood here, but you wouldn't believe what people pay for tiny 3-log bundles!! And of course, the recycling element is nice.

Gunter, I'm with you--70-some-odd degrees here today. For tomorrow, my 31st birthday, we're going to the beach. It's nice, but one does like a little change of seasons when the time is nigh.

So, I'm in the mood for a good Gothic novel. Anyone have any ideas? I've never read Frankenstein, so I'm tempted to start there, but I'm up for any good modern ones...

Today was my last day at school! (Notice above post asking for suggestions for pleasure reading!) My kids were so sweet about my leaving. A few parents and teachers are putting together a shower for me on January 4, but after that it will be a couple of months before I go back. One of my graduating students and her family got me a volume of Mary Oliver poetry as a holiday present . And the cookies! May everyone be surrounded by such good bakers this time of year. I feel finally like it's winter; I needed a little nudge into the holiday spirit.

Oh! Speaking of which...has anyone tried the Celestial Seasonings holiday tea Candy Cane Lane? Probably my favorite tea EVER. This year I'm buying several boxes before they let it go out in January.
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Old 12-20-2008, 05:17 AM
 
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HoneyTree, what does the tea taste like? Should I get a box? One sweet, desserty tea that I really like is Hervey's (?) chocolate mint--it really does taste just like a chocolate mint, and is very yummy with some milk and sugar in it!

Well, I am up sort of decompressing after a long day, amped up on caffeine!

Celebrating birthdays and holidays is turning into a part time job around here!! Amy and I were talking about doing something small and low-key for Hanukkah/solstice/whatever . . . HAHAHA!! It turns out I am really, really bad at low-key! : As of this morning it has morphed into a potluck at my house on Sunday evening and we're inviting some other people too! This turned into a bit of craziness because I got the idea that I'd get some dreidl and menorah cookie cutters and use them to make some sort of salt dough ornaments with Ella and paint them, and that it would be a fun Hanukkah craft for us to do together and use to decorate the house a bit. Then it occured to me that it would be really nice and cute to make a little gift bag for each of the kids with an ornament, a little dreidel, some hanukkah gelt (gold-foil-wrapped chocolate coins). The next four hours or so are a bit of a blur--I called the Jewish Federation, two Bed Bath and Beyond locations, a Hallmark store, and a party shop trying to find dreidels and nobody had any!!!! Either they didn't carry them, or they were sold out. Finally I ended up calling the Jewish Community Center and the lady who answered the phone there couldn't tell me where to buy them, but said that they had a few out as decorations but she was letting kids have one if they wanted one, and if I only needed a couple and could get there by seven she'd give me a couple!! So we ended up flying out the door to go pilfer dreidels from the JCC!!! Followed by going to Bed Bath & Beyond, Michael's, and Target in a search for some Hanukkah stuff. I ended up going off the rails somewhat by the time I got to Target, just buying a bunch of stuff and figuring that I'd look it over at home and return as necessary tomorrow, rather than end up not having anything. Needless to say the gift bags are a total wash--I got a couple of dreidels for Ella and her little cohorts to play with, but no gelt, no cookies cutters, nothing! I did get a few things to do a couple of craftsy projects, so hopefully those will turn out well, and I got a few winter/Hanukkah-esque decorative items and so the living room and dining room are looking a bit more festive. I also have an itunes gift card sitting around gathering dust, so if I can get my ipod and my newly reformatted computer to play nicely together I might be able to put together a nice playlist too.
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Old 12-20-2008, 05:42 AM
 
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Kavita, you are certifiably insane. In an entirely good, strangely motivating sort of way.

I feel sick because we went to a dessert party tonight that I just couldn't pass up - it's an annual thing at my neighbours' - and I haven't eaten starch or sugar for 2 months nearly and my insides are sooooo not happy with me. But it was fun, nice to see everyone - we have such a lovely little neighbourhood community, I feel very blessed. And sick from too many sweets. But mostly blessed.

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Old 12-20-2008, 06:47 AM
 
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I just finished wrapping the last of my gifts for the kiddos and I am so satisfied. Although it has been a lean year for us with DH being out of work for the last 6 months, it gave me an opportunity to *really* listen to what my kids wanted, take the time to make solid decisions instead of impulse buying, and at the same time spending about 1/4 of what I would normally spend on gifts. While the pile of gifts is much smaller than it has been in years past, I feel good about what I'm giving them because it all came from a place of love and thought, instead of just checking a name off a list.
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Old 12-20-2008, 09:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Kavita, the tea is a decaf green with flavors of peppermint, orange, vanilla, and cinnamon with some blackberry leaves, milk thistle, and chicory in there, too. I don't steep it for a long time (chicory gets slimy or something, I don't know what, but it works best for me for like, three minutes). I'm definitely trying the chocolate mint tea--I've had far too much of the real stuff lately! And the party sounds FABULOUS! What fun!

Spughy, I can relate to the dessert overload, though I think if it had been two months for me--and I don't think it's even been two hours between my desserty bites these last few weeks--my head would be spinning and stomach turning, too!

DiD, we're doing a really low-key holiday, too. My big gift for our family is a membership to a museum up here.
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Old 12-20-2008, 11:51 AM
 
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We're doing a pretty low-key Christmas, too, as far as store bought presents go. Lots of home-baked yummies for family. Tonight we're doing Christmas with my uncle, Christmas Eve with my parents, Christmas morning for just us, then Christmas afternoon with my in-laws and then over to my grandmother's house, and the day after we're going down to TN for the weekend to see extended family. I'm hoping to focus more on the time spent together with everyone than the gifts. Except my MIL has gone way overboard as usual, according to warnings from my FIL. I'm struggling SO much with de-cluttering and keeping the house clean, and its going to be really hard to pair down with a million more toys coming into the house this week. I'm thinking that after the kids are asleep one night this week, I'm going to do a major purge of what we have in the playroom right now, so there will be plenty more room to put in Christmas toys.

Sadly, this time of year is always tough for DH and I. Anyone else have this problem? I always get annoyed because I'm running around doing 20x more work than usual getting Christmas presents ready and wrapped and fixing food for get-togethers and everything, and he holes up in his office to try to get ahead so he can take a little time off for the holidays so he's even less help than usual right when I'm totally overworked and overwhelmed. And then after Christmas when there's a million things to clean up and put away, he's got to hole up again and work extra to make up for taking a few days off for the holiday. Plus, he's not very attentive to the kids during reunions and stuff, so I end up doing all the parenting while he sits and talks to family members so I don't even get to enjoy spending time with family and he in totally incapable of telling time, so I'm always the one who has to say, "Honey, its 2 hours past the kids bedtime, shouldn't we start heading home?" "Honey, we told my grandmother we'd stop by at 3pm and its now after 4, shouldn't we get going?" "Honey, the Candlelight service at church starts in 20 minutes - were you going to get dressed and/or help dress the kids?" I'm trying to figure out how to approach this from a more Zen point of view, and its so dumb that we have these same fights every freaking year. But how hard would it be for him to put a d@mn watch on his wrist and notice when the kids start throwing food at his mom's house and correct them instead of ignoring them and figuring I'll take care of it?! Does this happen to anyone else?

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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Old 12-20-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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spughy--I think the final nail in the festive coffin was the holiday party at preschool yesterday. One of the parents did cute little gift bags, with some santa mittens and a little snowflake ornament, and the bag was tied up with a ribbon and a mini holiday cookie cutter. Then the kids had made like four different ornaments over the course of the last few weeks--stars and trees. One was made from sugar and glitter, and the other was from dough and was painted. We had a big discussion about the ornament--"Mommy, can I put this on our Christmas tree?" "Honey, we don't have a Christmas tree." "Mommy, can we buy a Christmas tree?" AAAGGGGHHHHH!!! We're really not doing presents, except for our neighbors because they give her/us something, and for them I'm doing some chocolate covered pretzels rolled in various treaty substances (per Awaken's idea!). I did get Ella a purple feather boa that was something like $2 at Big Lots, to add to her dressup trunk. And I might get a few more little gifts (stuff like stickers or things like that) if needed as Hanukkah goes on. But right now, I don't even think that Ella has any or much idea yet that there is a gift component to Christmas--for her, she sees the trees and the decorations and the treats. She thinks that Santa brings candy canes, and somehow she has the idea that rice crispie treats are "Christmas cookies". (I think because I made them once last year and she confused the "crispie" with "Christmas.") I just realized that I need to do a little more to compete with Christmas in terms of making Hanukkah special and celebrating the season with some more activities and decoration and symbols and songs, etc. Since she's learning all this Christmas stuff outside. Sigh. Now I remember partly why I wanted to homeschool . . . .

Q of C--I don't have this issue seasonally with DH because we don't get too caught up in Chrismas (before we had kids we sort of had a tradition of taking that time off to do some painting in our house!) but I have had similar issues around other high-stress periods where our goals and actions seem to be conflicting. My thought on this is that you are both seem to really have more or less the same goal--having a nice Christmas and spending time with your families--but you each get caught up in the "smaller stuff" that you see as your part of the preliminaries to accomplish that goal-ie, you are baking and wrapping and managing the schedule and choreographing all the activities, and he is working more hours to be able to take time off to spend with all of you and the extended family (and perhaps because of financial reasons too). Sometimes I find that if we talk about it in advance and can really agree and state a shared goal/intention--even maybe writing it down like a mission statement--and then look at all our activities through the lens of that goal, it makes it easier. As in, maybe he's already told you that he will need to work X many more hours to be able to take time off, so you are aware that he won't be available in the evenings to help out with stuff. Or maybe you've already told him that you are going to have to go shopping for Xmas gifts (or bake cookies, or whatever) two nights this week and you want him to watch the kids while you do . . . . Basically, just clarifying what each of you have/want to do to meet your shared goal, what is reasonable or practical to do, and what if anything you may need to drop/let go of to really meet your goal of having a relaxed and enjoyable time, with each other, with the kids, and with the whole family. And keeping your eyes on the bigger goal. I think frequent and clear communication can really help with this kind of situation, and trying to stay somewhat attuned and connected to each other amidst the stress and checking in with each other frequently, and keeping the feeling of "we're in this together" even when it appears that you are at odds, because you know that you're in agreement and you're both working for the good of each other and your family and your goals, just in different ways. (Making time for sex helps with that too!) It also sounds like you have some desires or expectations in some of these circumstances (like you expect that he should be keeping track of the time, or you want him to keep an eye on the kids so you can relax) but you are having trouble communicating that to him in a direct way but then feeling annoyed that he doesn't "get it". In phrasing things like a question, you're trying to sort of hint or be gentle, but sometimes I find it's better to just either state things outright, either as a statement or as a request. Ie, "we need to leave here in 20 minutes to make it to Aunt Zelda's house in time" or "Could you get the kids dressed and ready to leave by noon today?" or, "Honey, will you be in charge of watching the kids today at my parent's house so that I can relax and have a drink and catch up with my cousins?" Partly too, I think you're sort of a perfectionistic and high-achieving in-control type and have a deep sense of responsibility for these things and for maintaining things for the family socially and emotionally (with the flip side of anxiety or guilt if it *doesn't* get done) and so he may not see the need or have a desire to step in because you're already sort of on a mission and appear to have things under control, so he can just sort of try to keep out of your way, sit back and enjoy himself and let you handle everything, especially if he can't really even hope to do things the way you'd want them to be done anyway. I know that I'm like that too, and that this is the result with *my* DH when I'm like that, anyway!! We had a bit of a fight about writing the thank-you notes for Ella's birthday--I was annoyed because the thank you note job always falls to me, it never even occurs to him that it needs to be done. I told him I wanted him to think about some of these things too--and he was like, "But you like doing the thank you notes!" I was shocked that he even thought that at all--I was like, "WTH are you talking about--I *LOATHE* writing thank-you notes--I just do it because it needs to get done and if I don't do it nobody will!" There are a lot of little things like that, and a ton of things like that around the holidays.
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Old 12-20-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HoneyTree!! Enjoy every moment, mama!! (PS: that tea sounds amazing!)

So yeah, totally what Kavita said, Jen. I had the same thoughts - basically, set expectations/goals ahead of time, and be clear in the moment when you need help. We just had a talk about "situational awareness" this morning in fact, but it had less to do with the holidays and more with day-to-day life stuff. Jason's usually quite attentitive and equal in sharing the child-minding responsibilities when we're in groups, so that doesn't bother me so much, but when we're at home, he's in a constant state of day-dream, so he does things like give her a spoon to eat a chicken breast that he didn't cut up for her. But, the thing is, when I am talking to him about and it's NOT in the heat of the moment and when I'm not feeling resentful about it, he's totally willing to accept responsibility and see my side. So, I think that's why Kavita's point about talking through these things *before* you go somewhere is important. If you are already feeling resentful, he'll feel blamed and may get defensive or be all like, "What is *her* deal!?" and think you just have a stick up your arse. But overall, I think dads are just FAAAAR less tuned-in to what's going on with the kids, and they need to be nudged gently to get with the program!

Kavita, um, I don't even know what to say about the party. Except I was thinking about making Rice Krispie treats so Ella should be happy about that. I thought the whole point of doing pot-luck was so you wouldn't have to cook a lot (or do a lot) and/or spend a lot of money! OK so I have to figure what I'm going to do now - I was thinking of bringing a little potted tree (kind of like that pretty Rosemary bush you bought for us last year) and we could use it for a Solstice ceremony kind of thing. I'll just surprise you.

Apropos of nothing, I'm currently addicted to hot chocolate.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 12-20-2008, 07:05 PM
 
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That's ironic, I just bought a very cool mug that says hot chocolate from the Salvation Army for 20p.

Kavita, I think you're great, but slightly nutty.

Jen When you figure it out, can you let me know?

We've had a hard week here, and all the fighting is getting me down and knocking my confidence. If someone could please reassure me that the amount of love my husband has for me is not in any way related to the date that he started shopping for my Christmas present, I'd be grateful I actually suggested we went gift-free this year, he refused- and now he's telling me he hasn't bought me anything and I have no idea what Miss Manners would say. Is there actually correct etiquette for a situation like this?

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 12-20-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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Helen, your husband loves you very much indeed and the reason he hasn't bought your present yet is that he is so completely awestruck by your amazingness that he has no clue WHAT he could possibly get that would adequately reflect the depth of his feelings for you. Plus the shops are hell.

My DH and I are going present-free this year, we are buying "each other" a fun day of dogsled rides when we go to Whitehorse and that's it. Unfortunately his birthday is a few days before Christmas so I still have to buy him a present. This is SO not fair.

Gotta get back to my baking - on to the white chocolate-cranberry brownies. Mmmmmmmmm.

(Oh, and possible proof that the weather gods are not terribly impressed with my attempts to honour them and all their deific buddies - it's supposed to snow 30 cm tonight (that's a foot, for my american friends) and the city will certainly not break out the expensive snow-removal equipment on a Sunday so I'm betting a bunch of people won't show. Fortunately I have several friends within walking distance, but there may be party leftovers.)

Postpartum doula & certified breastfeeding educator, mama to an amazing girl (11/05) and a wee little boy (3/13).

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Old 12-20-2008, 10:12 PM
 
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Neela and I just finished papier-mache-ing our lanterns for the "secret lantern festival" tomorrow. Though Neela insists that they're Christmas lanterns

Kavita, I'm also awestruck by both your awesomeness and insanity. You should be a professional party planner

We're suffering crappy-relationship-itis right now, too. Matt's mood not particularly good in the winter in general and combined with pregnancy hormones (read: tearful if spoken to anything but kindly) we're not the best communicating pair right now. I started a conversation about counseling today; though I think a trip to Italy would be better for us. We should also know better than to have serious relationship conversations mostly: in the middle of the night, while intoxicated, during lunch breaks and at other ridiculous times for serious conversation.

Helen, maybe he's waiting until the last minute so you don't super-sleuth what your gift is in advance. Or he's just pretending that he didn't get anything yet, so that you can be worked up about it and extra surprised by the very thoughtful gift on Christmas day. Either way, Miss Manners would say that he should keep his mouth shut about not having bought anything yet.

I manage to discover gifts or serious hints every year for Christmas, birthdays, etc. Matt needs to learn to pay with cash or not on joint accounts; and to not leave receipts around. Unlike him, I DO look at our bank statements and I DO look at and tidy up random pieces of clutter around the house.

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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Old 12-20-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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Okay, I have tamed my inner Martha Steward and am mellowing out here again! I was just mostly shocked that I would not be able to find a dreidel anywhere and went into panic Hanukkah stuff scarcity mode!!! I really thought it was going to be as simple as running out to a store quickly and getting a couple of cheap dreidels, usually they're about 20 cents each or so. I wanted to get Ella one for our own family celebrating over the 8 days, and thought that the other kiddies might enjoy them too. Alas, it's not to be!! The bit of decorating isn't party related per se, it's more generally holiday related and seasonal and has been a bit of an ongoing project. Honestly, I just want my child to grow up being at least as comfortable and familiar with our own religious traditions and celebrations, as she obviously already is with Christianity from being saturated with *its* holiday traditions. This whole Santa/Christmas thing is really freaking me out. I know it may sound weird, but even though I am not super-duper-religious and am in an interfaith marriage, I feel a pull to maintain some loyalty to the religion, even if it's sometimes more along the lines of resistance to the dominant religion. Sigh. This is obviously a recurring theme, I'll try not to bore you too much any more with all my Judaic angst!!
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