My 4 year old is a control freak! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 3 Old 12-03-2003, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
french*girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
HELP! My 4 year old dd has become so completely controlling I'm beginning to wonder if its beyond normal!! She is extremely bright but is so stubborn about wanting to do EVERYTHING by herself I would consider her "underdeveloped" in that area!

She is very capable and we let her do pretty much anything she can do - dress herself, open doors, flush her own stuff down, etc. BUT if we open the door because we were'nt thinking she completely loses it! She will either have a complete hitting, kicking meltdown or will run back, open the door again and shut it herself.

What really gets me annoyed is when she has asked for help and then when we help her she throws a huge a fit saying she wanted to do it by herself. Will this ever end? How do I approach it? How can I teach her that she can't always do EVERYTHING by herself?
french*girl is offline  
#2 of 3 Old 12-03-2003, 05:57 PM
 
mamaduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, perfectly normal for her age! It will pass. Here are some strategies I've used with varying success:


Matter of fact tone of voice, "Oh, I'm sorry, had you wanted to open the door by yourself? I didn't know that. Next time I'll try to remember that it is your turn."

Or

"You wanted to open the door yourself. I hear that you are dissapointed. You sound very frustrated."

With those 2 strategies, I might give him a chance to go back and do it over. But generally I just keep walking as if the situation has been resolved. He might wimper a little, but if I succeed in sounding unfrazled and matter of fact -- he usually concedes.

On the other hand -- I don't see it as a big deal if he wants to go back and open and close the door over again. Its only a minute out of our day, you know?


"Feel free to open the door for yourself. I would like to open it for myself this time."

Or

"Thank you for trying to be a big helper. I usually love having help. But today I would like a turn to do it *my*self! Even though I am big, sometimes I like to do things myself too! Remind me next time that it is your turn."


I also work hard on teaching my kids that its okay to ask for help. I do this by giving positive feedback when they do. "Great problem solving! You asked for help, which is a great way to get something done."
mamaduck is offline  
#3 of 3 Old 12-05-2003, 03:24 AM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
She sounds very normal!!!!!!!!!!!!

This phase only changes with the age. But it does get better, they can be reasoned with a lot more the older they get.
Marsupialmom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off