Has anyone got any insight on this one?
She has had a boyfriend in the past, but not since this started happening. He does stay with his dad and dad's girlfriend every other weekend. I'm not sure what that situation is like for him, his dad isn't a very good role model and often leaves the kids with his girlfriend while he works.
I don't think you are out of line at all, peacemama. I just don't know what to do since he's not my kid and his mom seems to be avoiding talking to him about it. I don't know when I will see him again, much less get time alone with him to talk about this. I guess I will just have to try to make it happen.
I hope this isn't a bad question to ask you all, it's just that I don't know anyone else to ask about this behavior, and you all have such good perspectives.
We tried talking to the parents, but nothing changed and 6 months later he told us his mom burned him with her ciggarrette. We took photos and called CPS.
Not that your nephew is in that bad of a situation exactly, but CPS (and the family law attorney we met with prior to calling them) told us that a child of that age having bowel movements and making messes with them (our nephew would smear it on the walls) was a sign of severe stress or abuse in the home. You might document things and suggest to the mom that he could use someone to talk to about stuff in his life (therapist?). If you can't do that I would seriously cpnsider talking to a family law attorney, therapist, or CPS for advice.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
Go for the simple obvious solution first. Perhaps he waited too long?
Talk to him though, and make sure he understandes thet you are not angry or disgusted.
Why only at our house? Maybe he gets nervous and tries to hurry out, but personally I'm not sure I buy this explanation. If it happens again I will just take him to another room and see if we can't talk about it. I hope she's right, but she's never been very open with her kids about how they are feeling. I don't even know that she actually talked to him.
Thanks for the concern, I'll go with my gut, which still isn't settled.
Just this last month we had a family party at my home and I found a small plop of poop on the toilet seat. My seven year old nephew was the last to use the toilet. My sister and her husband wondered to each other if it could have been their son (implying to me that it wasn't out of the question that he had done it.). They gently asked him if he'd had an accident using the toilet, did he need help cleaning it up? He denied it of course. We left it at that and I haven't thought anything of it till now.
Nephew isn't abused, by any means, but their home is kind of stressful, in that his parents both have demanding jobs and high expectations for their kids. They've got a packed scheduel of sports and music and dance and everything. Nephew is the youngest of three kids and he's had to be tough in order to "survive" and keep up with his agressive older sister and brother. This is the same nephew who bit my dd twice when they were toddlers, one time making it bleed. He got in trouble several times in day care for biting and fighting. It really seems clear to me that he needs a slower paced, less demanding life. (I don't know if all these aspects of his life are related, but it seems logical. )
Sahara, I'd be curious to know more about why your sister won't talk to her son.
Yammer's probably right. We're over analyzing this...
Her son has hydrocephalis (sp?), and has been told he has to have the shunt replaced, so I have let the issue drop for now. If it happens again I'm just not going to be shy about it, even though he's not my kid.
Not to say that you aren't right, Yammer