is hiting a sibling ever acceptible? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 123 Old 01-14-2009, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Aubergine, EvansandAnna'smom, schools are not historically good arbiters of morality. Sometimes they get things wrong. I don't think I would ever in a million years use the school environment to justify why something is right or wrong- I'd look at the grownup situation instead.
I'm not advocating letting the schools decide what is right and wrong. But as a practical matter, I am not going to encourage my school-aged children to engage in behavior that would get them suspended from their school if they do exactly the same thing there.

And shame on your school for not responding appropriately to sexual harrassment. I suspect the details and long and painful, but in general I would say that a legal approach was better than if you had hurt your harrasser and/or school administrators.

I'm not sure extrapolating to a grownup situation works either though. We make rules for 4 YOs that will not apply to grownups all the time. "You must sit in your carseat" is a simplistic example. Later that might morph into "booster seat in my car, regular seat in Dad's car" (because fit/safety considerations are different), to "back seat in my car, front seat OK in grandpa's truck" and finally to "wear a seatbelt". Things change as children grow older. I am comfortable saying "no hitting in our house" to children who are 4 and 6 without implying that I am also telling an adult not to defend themselves in the case of an attack.
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#122 of 123 Old 01-14-2009, 04:20 PM
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#123 of 123 Old 01-14-2009, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by *Erin* View Post
.... the times in my life that i have felt the MOST threatened and afraid, my voice has GONE, completely. my scream "breaks" when i need it.

and since when does it fall on the child being victimized to behave a certain way or something's Not Right with the parents or something?

Originally Posted by cicatrix View Post

Since there are jerks in this world who will intimidate, scare and lie to children? Since no-one is there every moment of every day and hearing every word and understanding every nuance.

Children should have the tools to protect themselves from harm. Teaching that you don't hit, no matter how scary your brother is being, does nothing to teach a child how to protect themselves. Not when most assaults are by people who have gained a child's trust already.

And I have to agree with the voice giving out thing - mine didn't, but it's happened under other circumstances. And there are a dozen ways to stop someone yelling - like I said before, if the kid had already been told to stop yelling, or the brother had threatened her, or any of a number of situations, yelling might not have been an option, not given the child's age.

And we're talking about a 4 year old - if she's not able to understand the nuance of when violence is necessary for self-protection, you expect her to parse that she isn't allowed to defend herself because 'play nice' doesn't apply to her brother right now and her brother isn't actually protecting her or being nice to her? That she's supposed to be the better person because she's being hurt? That she's supposed to behave even though her brother's misbehaviour is harming her?

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