Sept 04 Mamas: New Thread for a New Year! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 136 Old 01-10-2009, 06:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thought I would start this thread for us... I don't get a lot of time to write, but I do read a lot.

Thor is such a sweet, sensitive soul. He's very emotionally perceptive, and he's very sensitive to touch. Has anyone read "Love Languages"? Thor's love language is defintely touch. I have to be careful not to touch him too roughly... it very much upsets him, even if I just grab his arm to make sure he doesn't run away, whereas Anna is pretty nonchalant about it. Thor also loves to dress up and would much rather wear Anna's dresses than his own clothes. He loves anything sparkly, shiny etc. He's very much the aesthetician! He also loves having stories told to him, and we read several of the Little House on the Prarie books together.

Eve is kind of a fussy baby right now and is such a finicky nurser!! So strange after my two easy nursers!

Hope you all are well!

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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#2 of 136 Old 01-11-2009, 12:34 AM
 
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subscribing!
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: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#3 of 136 Old 01-11-2009, 01:54 AM
 
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I read a lot also even though I don't post a lot.

Jaden is out of preschool now since we moved and I'm not going to put her back in. We're trying to save money. And since we moved to a different state she'll have to wait until 2010 to go to kindergarten. I could challenge the school and let her take a test which I'm positive she would be in the needed percentile but I don't know....

We also have the option for a Waldorf-inspired charter school but she would definitely have to wait until 2010 for that and then there is no guarantee since it is a lottery.

Ah well...either way I think we're going to hold out but I still can't believe that my little girl is going to be going to school so soon.

She is so tall now and is doing some of the biggest things! It's so exciting.
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#4 of 136 Old 01-11-2009, 02:45 PM
 
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We're done in with a gnarly cough in our house. So it seems like our new year get up and go has been put on hold. I was really hoping that we could swing into the new year with gusto... well I guess there's gusto coming from our lungs!

I received the book, Letter to My Daughters by Maya Angelou for Christmas. It is a wonderful book with lessons that she has learned along the way. I don't agree with all of her conclusions, but overall I admire her strength and courage to live her life. I always found her life story an inspiration when I was going through tough times. Anyways, here's a chapter called Condolences:

"For a too brief moment in the universe the veil was lifted. The mystery became known. Questions met answers somewhere behind the stars. Furrowed brows were smoothed and eyelids closed over long unblinking stares."

"Your beloved occupied the cosmos. You awoke to sunrays and nestled down to sleep in moonlight. All life was a gift open to you and burgeoning for you. Choirs sang to harps and your feet moved to ancestral drumbeats. For you were sustaining and being sustained by the arms of your beloved."

"Now the days stretch before you with the dryness and sameness of desert dunes. And in this season of grief we who love you have become invisible to you. Our words worry the empty air around you and you can sense no meaning in our speech."

"Yet we are here. We are still here. Our hearts ache to support you. We are always loving you. You are not alone"


Best Wishes,
Heidi
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#5 of 136 Old 01-11-2009, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Heidi, I love Maya Angelou and her writing.

Carrie, Thor also won't go to Kindergarten until 2010. I'm fine with that. I honestly cannot imagine him going this fall. Seems way too soon. He is just now barely getting into the two half days a week of preschool he has. In the fall I think both him and Anna will go to a coop preschool 3 half days a week and they'll be in the same class. Or if we happen upon a bunch of money maybe I'll send him to the waldorf one, or the one he's in now, only 4 days a week. Not sure. He really is starting to get into the one he's going to now.

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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#6 of 136 Old 01-11-2009, 11:31 PM
 
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Heidi, I love Maya Angelou and her writing.

Carrie, Thor also won't go to Kindergarten until 2010. I'm fine with that. I honestly cannot imagine him going this fall. Seems way too soon. He is just now barely getting into the two half days a week of preschool he has.

Even twice a week at the sweetest waldorf school ever was too much for Ceci! Dh asked about kindergarten next year; I said sure- as long as I didn't have to deal with her after she came home!! She just melts and really takes it out on the rest of us after working so hard with her peers. I'm in no hurry. I still don't know if I have the gumption or even the desire to home school, but I probably won't particpate in any 'round up' stuff.

So happy to find you all in 2009!! : Love ya, mamas.

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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#7 of 136 Old 01-13-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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Having trouble getting posts through... lets see if this works!

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#8 of 136 Old 01-13-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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Mielle is loving her school time. She cries when we keep her home (sick or bad weather) and begs us to take her. Her teachers are very gentle and very consistent. I think the independent time is really good for her. She's so smart and so perceptive she gets more out of the experience than simply new skills. The program is a Montessori program but it is publicly financed as a charter school. She does a lot of painting at the easel, watering plants and a fair amount of observing others. Her teacher was telling me that she gently and politely corrects the other students when they forget to get a mat or whatever. I was surprised to hear that it was polite, not unbearably bossy, cause that's what she does at home! Her teacher said she was looking forward to having Mielle be a leader next year when she is a second year student and will be there the full day. It seems to me that Mielle thrives on being given a chance to actually do things herself and explore the world.

I must admit that I struggle to slow down and let her do things herself. And I have not been the most positive calm role model in her life over the last few months. While I was pregnant I was too ill to go above and beyond the basics of food, clothes and love. And since I have lost Orion... well I've been very withdrawn and self centered... in a good way. (I think) It's just that right now I am focused on processing these big feelings and figuring out what Anna wants to do next with her life. I am considering going back to school and getting a BFA... most of my college credits are in art classes and it's the idea of art classes that most excite me. Actually there is an incredibly expensive art School in Mpls that makes me drool.... But, did I mention it is incredibly expensive? And I am still pondering the big question of "Do we want more children?" and "Do I want to be pregnant again, ever?" I must admit that part of me longs to fill the gaping hole in my heart with another baby, but it seems unhealthy for me to make that leap without being certain that's what I want. When I was pregnant I found myself resentful and longing to pursue my other desires as well as feeling like I wasn't contributing to our family's financial health.
Speaking of financial health, Jerome has been unemployed for about 3 weeks, which has been a mixed blessing. I am incredibly grateful that he has been home with me during the time that my body was actively miscarrying our child. He has been an incredible companion to me, sharing in my grief and care taking my bodily needs. His presence has allowed me to focus on myself and on my needs. However, not having any income coming in is pretty terrifying. I have managed to pay all the bills for January, but that leaves us with about 50 dollars in our checking and a couple hundred in savings... gulp! Thankfully he was just hired back at a former employer The Eau Claire Academy, which is a rehabilitation program for trouble teenagers. He seems to be excited to get back into that environment, helping make a difference in the lives of young people. It can be a tough job and people get burnt out there pretty easily. But my dear husband has a big heart and a lot to give to others... I admire that about him. It's not a job I would be comfortable in, but neither is police work... which is his long term aspiration.

Jasper has been having a tough time lately as well. Firstly, Mama decided quite spontaneously to wean him... poor guy. He was gone 2 nights in a row at his Grandma's house and when he came home, well Mama just avoided nursing him while she made a decision... and once the decision was made, well it was made. As you can tell I feel pretty guilty about ending his nursing time, but I also feel it was the right decision for me. During the last few months I have found nursing painful and annoying, I was planning on weaning him before delivering the new baby, but when I lost Orion... well nursing Jasper became a very emotionally laden situation. I found myself thinking about Orion and how he/ she would never get to taste my breast milk... and I would weep. So, it seemed somehow appropriate to have aching swollen breasts in the week following the passage of Orion's body. It seemed like a natural part of the postpartum experience. Mostly Jasper has handled the change well, but has cried when he asks for "Bobo's" and I apologize and redirect him. He has struck me in the face a few times and turned his back on me crying... heartbreaking stuff, poor guy.
Jasper's second misfortune has me more concerned, last week his penis swelled up and turned red.. yikes! I brought him in to my family doctor and we thought he had likely damaged himself during a fall or something. My family doc sent us to a urologist for further care.. Well the urologist discovered that the swolleness was due to infection, with pus under his foreskin. Yeah, pus.. lots of nasty pus. I had to assist in holding him down while the urologist collected a sample and then squeezed the rest out! Totally stomach turning... Then the urologist sits me down and explains that about 5 % of "uncircumcised people" (does he mean "intact males"?) have problems with infections under their foreskin that require circumcision as a solution... He is recommending to me that we schedule the procedure for Jasper. This makes me heartsick and angry. I take pride in my son's intact foreskin and feel like it is worthwhile to keep it intact.. So here at home we have to gently squeeze his penis a couple times a day to remove any collected pus... urgh! Jasper cries and says very clearly "That's my penis, don't touch it.. ouchie!" which breaks our hearts... we strive to teach our children to take ownership of their bodies and to stand up to any unwanted touches.. but here we are squeezing his sore member! Thankfully he has responded really well to the antibiotics and seems to be nearly normal again. I haven't seen any pus in days. But the question remains, do we take action to get him circumcised? Or do we wait and see if he gets another infection?

So, that's what has been filled my heart and time.. What's in store in our family's future? I am not sure...

Heidi~ thank you for sharing that poem, it touched my heart.

We are planning a goodbye gathering for Orion this weekend, I am collecting pregnancy photos and other special stuff to share with the family and friends who join us. I am hoping to either bury or burn Orion's body, I think it may help me feel more closure. It is getting to be time for me to move forward.

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#9 of 136 Old 01-13-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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Anna I just tried you at the number you gave me in facebook but it was a wrong number -

I want to post this here, too, for everyone: keep that doctor the heck away from Jasper's penis. He is full of BS. Our very foreskin-knowledgeable doctor (also the mom of 2 intact boys) told us that infections such as this are very common in boys with their foreskins intact. They happen when natural behavior (tugging, playing with foreskin) causes capillaries to break on the inside of the foreskin or the glans (where they were attached) and a small infection occurs - usually staph because it occurs naturally on the skin. It is as normal as a girl or a woman getting a yeast infection. Antibiotics will clear it up BUT there is a homeopathic remedy - arsenicum album - that also clears it up quickly. T gets these a couple of times a year and they continue until the foreskin is fully detached from the glans and retractable. I put rescue remedy cream on the tip, massaging it in as much as I can (or now I have him do it), and then give him the arsenicum and it is usually gone in a few hours. It is pussy but it heals.

The first time this happens we ended up at the emergency room because it was a Friday night and, while they respected our wishes to not retract his foreskin, they sort of threw their hands up and gave us antibiotics. The second time I tried the homeopathic and it cleared up faster than with the antibiotics.

Must feed baby before chiro appt, so can't write more, but I just wanted to say keep that man far, far away from your baby. You don't make something healthy again by cutting it off.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#10 of 136 Old 01-15-2009, 04:22 AM
 
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Hello! We just returned from our two week "vacation" tonight. It was not much of a vacation, though, because we were staying with my BIL and SIL who have a three month old baby that she says she wants to breastfeed, but then refuses to actually feed or take anywhere with her. Like, whenever her husband is home she basically drops the boy into his arms and avoids nursing him until he is starving, refuses to cluster feed him in the evenings when he's super hungry, "I just fed him, he can't be hungry again", or she feeds him for about 5 min. and declares him done and wonders why he's still hungry, and then wonders why he's up nursing all night. OR she'll just leave the baby with her husband for three or four hour stretches and the poor lad will be so hungry, and BIL waits too long to give him formula until he gets an upset tummy after eating it because he gulps it so fast. Oh, it was driving me crazy. I was trying to gently mention things like cluster feeding and that babies usually take a growth spurt around three months and that if she got a sling she could carry him at the grocery store and so she wouldn't have to leave him behind so much, or maybe she would feel more comfortable with NIP and not make him wait two hours while she's shopping, but it didn't seem to be getting through.

So it wasn't much of a holiday because that was stressing me out and my SIL decided that she needed to do EVERYTHING I was doing, which meant waiting for everyone to get up and organized and together, and then for her to go and pick up her coffee on the way and take her kid to the merry go round and to see the skating rink in the mall and stop to get ice cream. . . and I have two weeks to do all my shopping for the next 3 or 4 months! It was seriously annoying. We also thought dh's parents would be eager to take the boys out on a lot of excursions and give us a break and spend time with their grandchildren, but mostly they just wanted to try to incorporate the kids into doing all the things they used to do as a family with their teenage and adult sons, like go to resteraunts 30 - 40 min. drive away with four children under the age of 5 in tow. It was great for the boys to get to know their family, but not so great for us to get a break. Oh, and dh had to fly home in the middle of it to do a funeral, and found out on Sat. that he would have another one this Sat. So not much of a break for him, either. Sigh.

Okay, thank you for listening to my rant -- my dh doesn't want to hear about it, and I had to complain somewhere so I could stop being grumpy about it.

Also, funny thing, I realized that we are a lot more counter-cultural than I thought we were when I realized the amount of take out and candy and processed stuff my niece (Andrew's 2 yr old cousin) eats, and went to visit dh's old friends and all they did was show us their stuff for three hours -- HD tv, wii, big computer monitor, DS game systems for their 8 and 6 year old, and every commercialized piece of plastic garbage toy you can imagine . . . craziness. Andrew has now started complaining that everyone has cooler toys than him and that his are all boring. And, um, wasn't it just Christmas two weeks ago?

Jill , mom to Andrew (09/04), Aaron(01/07), and Emma (11/09)
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#11 of 136 Old 01-17-2009, 03:49 PM
 
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Hey All,

I just got caught up - Sounds like everyone is in some state of transition. Same for us here. We had basically a rough and crazy fall - me adjusting tobeing ins chool inthe evenings 3 nights a week and seeing so much less of the kids, clint adjusting to being "single dad" on those nights, the kids missing me, etc. It was hard on all of us, and showed in me and clint feeling too distant, Robin having various behavior problems, etc. Eli, actually, is so fine and adaptable, and doesn't know any different than the nightly mom-to-dad hand handoff. But Robin knows, and misses me a bit.

So, I'm working on changing how I/we do things so that she is feeling less stress. I think all our "busy-ness" was rushing her and making her stressed out, so she resisted as best she could by acting out. And I, needing more than anything her cooperation, resisted right back, and got more frustrated and stressed out myself. This semester, i have an additional night at school, and the more homework that comes with it. However, I'm committed to she and I having real quality time together everyday where she gets my full attention, and she gets to decide what we do. I'm committing to getting my schoolwork all done after bedtime and one weekend day - and the other weekend day to be spent as a family. Clint and I are working together to get lunches made, clothes picked out, etc. the night before so we have more peaceful mornings... Just trying to shield the kids from the hecticness of our lives.

At the same time, i feel so guilty for how tough her few months have been, and everytime she begs me to stay home when it's time for me to go to school. I really wish i could quit work next year, but we can't afford it. It's only 3 days/wk, but it's another thing on the calendar.

Okay, more to say, and want to respond to everyone's post...but this is my day for homework. (that's part of why I'm here less, too - I miss you ladies, but trying to focus on getting things done, and being with the kids).

ps - Eli's still low verbal, but we added fish oil to his diet last week, and in nearly 2 weeks, his vocab has increased and he's saying 2 and 3 word combos for the first time. Hooray!
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#12 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 02:28 AM
 
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Kinda gloomy here at Anna Banana's crib. I've been feeling pretty low lately, apathetic and frustrated. This grieving thing stinks. It keeps hurting and we are all stressed out. I feel unhealthy and unhappy, but yet I keep not doing anything about it... not taking action to change anything. Orion's body is still in the fridge for Pete's sake! Had a ring dinger of a fight with Jerome about the differences in how we are grieving, which the kids overheard... as we were yelling. Mielle's response was to tell Jasper, in my hearing... that it is "Mama's fault that baby Orion died" After my head spun around a few times she and I had a talk about things that led to her weeping about how she never got to hug and kiss Orion. Seriously weeping, like a real person with real grief... it sucked. Poor kid having to face the reality of death at age 4.

The good news, Jerome has a job... he's starting again next Friday, so money will be coming in to our lives again.. that's good. Also, I have booked a flight to Georgia to visit my older sister, the motivated chiropractor mentor big sister, who I expect will take me in hand and feed me healthy food, drag me along on healthy exercise events, like Taekwondo class, and ask me all sorts of perceptive questions about my hopes for the future.... and hopefully I will return home with a sense of purpose and renewed hope for the future.

Jen~ thanks for sharing your experiences with T's infections, it helps me to know I have choices... Jerome keeps saying we need to do some research about the ramifications of blah, blah, blah.. in case of urethral scarring blah, blah, blah. I realize he has a point, but I'm just not all that motivated to find out more information. I just know that I don't want to have him circumsized. I am opposed.

Becca~ Sorry to hear that it is so hard to keep the balance of family and school... I am considering going back to school for an undergraduate degree, and in order to get the financial aid, I need, I'll have to go full-time. I vaguely recall that it was hard work, all that homework and stuff... and this time around I may have to take math classes and other such unsavory things. Maybe I'll get to see your face when I'm in Atlanta, too bad Mielle and Robin won't get to play together, that would be mighty interesting.

Jilly~ Sorry to hear that your vacation was so frustrating. People suck sometimes don't they? It must really be hard to watch a mother making choices you don't agree with... when your heart is hurting with the loss of a child. I imagine it's got to be tough. A friend of mine was over today with her 6 month old... when he was born I had raging baby fever. He was so tiny and weak and sweet... my period was even late, I got so hormonal from being there with him and her, during the first week of his life. Today he's plump and wiggly and trying to sit up and grab stuff. It made my heart hurt.

It's late, and I'm tired... sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Say a little prayer for me, will you?

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#13 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 03:33 AM
 
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Oh Anna,

My heart goes out to you and your family. May you all grow in strength and grace.
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#14 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 08:39 AM
 
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Anna!

Samantha, Mama to Elizabeth, September 24, 2004
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#15 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 04:20 PM
 
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Thanks for the hugs, I seem to need a lot of those lately...

Later today Jerome and I are taking some time together to go out to my dad's farm house. We are gonna build a big fire and release Orion's body back to mother nature's arms. I hope this will give us a good opportunity to grieve together and to get some sort of closure... We stayed up late talking about feeling unhealthy and unhappy and wanting things to be better, different... healthier. I think this means I need to start leaving the house more often and getting some exercise. I'm also gonna have to spend less time skulking about in the basement watching Buffy the vampire slayer, and avoiding my kids.... sigh.

Jerome and the kids are engaged in a great battle, swords, captured princess, growls and laughter. It's rather loud. Later.

Love to all

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#16 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 04:55 PM
 
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Robin and I went to church today at the UU church where we visit - there was a woman there, a mom, who looked *just* like Anna, but with a super-short pixie haircut. She had a son named Cloud who was Robin's age. Anna, I was thinking about you during the meditation time. hugs. Sounds like you are dealing with depression, or at least a serious funk - avoiding interactions, not taking care of yourself, feeling stagnant, not knowing how to move forward. It's a hard place to be. Realizing that you want to move forward, and taking the first step makes a big difference. I'm rooting for you, Anna. I hope we get a chance to see each other while you're in town!

Jilly - that sounds like a stressful trip. Glad you made it back, sanity intact
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#17 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 05:10 PM
 
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Becca - What is your UU church like? I just put a thread in Spirituality asking what they are like.

We just moved to an area that has a UU church and I'm a bit apprehensive to look just because I feel like it's the unknown. I definitely love Jesus and I know they vary widely.

Does yours read from the Bible? If they don't, what do they use as a reference? Is Jesus excluded from the UU church? I feel like that's what everyone says about UU churches but I've never gone. Fill me in.
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#18 of 136 Old 01-18-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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: Anna-I can relate to what you said about being sick and tired of being sick and tired. In different ways--we are just feeling recuperated after having a silly cold since New Years! I know it's different, but I've said the same thing to myself lately. But I've also had my fair share of stress and financial stress. For me, sometimes when there's a lot of pressure I am compelled to DO something or solve the problem... And then I'm frustrated when my mind and body aren't cooperating. I think it's at the pinnacle of these phases that I realize that probably what I need most is to take it easy. Things like remembering to laugh (which is why when things are tough I only watch movies/shows that will make me laugh... Or if I need to cry I watch the tear-jerker ones). A friend of mine said when she was in JR. High she was having a bad day, and her mom told her to go stand in front of the mirror and smile at herself. She did, and eventually broke out laughing at how ridiculous she looked smiling at herself in the mirror. I am no expert, and each of us has to find our own way through things... yet I have learned that it's the down time that revives us for what's next. AND it sounds like going to your sister's might be the perfect revival. :

Our son is NOT circumcised, and I hadn't ever really read much about it. I am aware that many docs are NOT familiar with taking care of intact males... So I wonder if it's just a default... Like, "well we don't really know how to manage that, so let's cut it off."

I think UU Churches do include Jesus, and I don't know about biblical text. I think they would use a bible. I looked at the origins of the church--and the 2 core groups were essentially Christian. I'm sure you're right that each group is likely to make it their own. Good luck finding a place that fits with you.

To everyone else, I wanted to share something I heard on PBS... They are doing fundraising again. And once again Wayne Dyer was on promoting a new book. Anyways, in watching it he shared something about Serotonin (the chemical that makes us happy, or gives us a sense of well being). He said that a recent study showed that just by doing an act of kindness, the level of serotonin rose in the recipient of the kindness, in anyone watching the act of kindness, and in the person giving the kindness). So I know some of you are grieving a loss, and others are just having stressful times... I think this is something that you can aim for each day... Just add 1 kind act to the day and see if things feel better. Who knows, but I'm wiling to try it.

And since I'm on a fixed budget all I can do is :::
and send you :::


and for what it's worth...a rousing rendition of a horse stood around with his feet on the ground... de dum dee dee de dum... Second verse same as the first... de dum dee dee de dum... Third verse same as the first... de dum dee dee de dum. Last verse (all together now, sing out loud) same as the first... de dum dee dee de dum.
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#19 of 136 Old 01-19-2009, 02:58 AM
 
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I think this means I need to start leaving the house more often and getting some exercise. I'm also gonna have to spend less time skulking about in the basement watching Buffy the vampire slayer, and avoiding my kids.... sigh.
Ah, this is classic!! But you know Anna (and I know you are really hurting) the way you write about it all shows that your humor is still pretty much intact, so I know you can pull yourself out of the hole. I often identify with what you write- we have all been there, I think. Jerome has a job... that's good news!! You are in my thoughts.

Greg's job that has always been so great now sucks- they want him to drive his own vehicle with a toolbox to Oregon for .15 cents a mile. Yeah right. I told him I'd use my savings for the bills before we watched him drive on wintery roads through two mountain ranges for the opportunity to work for three weeks. Oh and he took a $5 to $8 an hour pay cut. And no travel reimbursements now.

So just when I started getting serious about 'okay, it's my turn to put bread on the table' yep, my period went missing. So I'm excited 'cause I have wanted to be pregnant for awhile but now all flipped out b/c I know what I should really be doing is getting a job so Greg doesn't have to work so hard.

Both my kids sleep in their own beds, though the night, Carl is weaned and Greg and I have really been coming together as a couple. I guess that's how it all happened.... and now I'm nervous- I know how much stress a new baby is, but I know how much I have been looking forward to one more and then I feel very sensitive about Jilly's tiny babe and Orion. Yeah so I'm kind of a hormonal wreck.

And the winter blahs.... we didn't even leave the house (not even to play outside) on saturday!! I had a big pity party- all alone on the weekend with no dh and crappy weather and no IRL friends. Wah. Parenting can be lonely.

So I am loving the updates from everyone, hugs Becca, it sounds like you guys have a plan. I am off to read the updates on Jen's blog, if there are any. I want to know how they are doing! Jilly, that is so sad reading about your SIL's baby!! You are a trooper, I imagine you as a fortress of calm and strength.

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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#20 of 136 Old 01-19-2009, 06:06 AM
 
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Dang, you guys are so sweet... I really appreciate feeling like I can share these feelings here. It gives me warm fuzzy's to think of women across the continent thinking of me and connecting with what I share here.
I hope you all managed to connect with the magic we tapped into tonight, Jerome and I. We went out to the Farm and said goodbye to Orion. Together we shoveled snow leading to the bonfire circle, we built a fire together and spontaneously created a sacred space and time. We sang, we cried, we burned objects of significance to us and eventually added Orion's body to the blaze. It was amazing to me that by time we put his body in the fire, it didn't hurt. All the things we had said and done before that had somehow prepared me to feel entirely calm at that moment. It was full dark by then and we could see the constellation Orion in the sky... we sang "Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star", while holding hands and laughing and crying simultaneously. We were entirely in the moment and it was good.

Meg~ Please let me be the first to offer you heartfelt congratulations on your pregnancy. Your body is a vessel of life and within you lies a miracle.... a new sweet silly special little friend. Allow yourself joy whenever it is offered to you. Blessings to you, Mama.

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#21 of 136 Old 01-19-2009, 06:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by janasmama View Post
Does yours read from the Bible? If they don't, what do they use as a reference? Is Jesus excluded from the UU church? I feel like that's what everyone says about UU churches but I've never gone. Fill me in.
We attend a UU congregation from time to time and I must admit I haven't heard Jesus's name mentioned much... if at all. humm. However, my experience has been incredibly postive, in that they don't exclude any viewpoint. I suspect some scholarly types, might roll their eyes at you, if yammered on about Jesus a lot, but my impression is that they tend to honor him as an important and influential person who did good. Maybe that's just my take on things.
Since they don't use the Bible as a primary reference, you could expect to hear about modern day activists, or a ministers reflections on Parenting, Grief or Charity. Or perhaps a discussion of censorship and it's influence on society. I've seen college professors speak about topics you might expect in a classroom as well as individual congregation members share their convictions during "This I Believe" speeches, which included on man's views on the value of junk... reusing or repairing that which had been discarded. I've particularly enjoyed altered traditions, such as "Flower Communion" at Easter, where everyone brings flowers and eventually leaves with different flowers, showing that we give and take from one another... fun and pretty and not full of Crucifixion images to freak my kids out...
I haven't heard anyone badmouth Jesus, but I get a sense they scoff at magical thinking and well, he's pretty magical, if you know what I mean. I'd be surprised if anyone made an issue out of it though... Unitarians accept others, that's kinda the point.

hope that helps

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#22 of 136 Old 01-19-2009, 10:49 AM
 
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Anna, you and your family are always so good at creating magical, memorable moments. Glad you had some catharsis and I hope that it helps you to begin really healing.

I have a friend who is a UU minister, I can ask her about the whole Bible/Jesus thing.

updates on my blog, hm, my blog has been lacking lately. Something about the whole baby-being-awake-while-the-older-is-at-school thing. Yesterday I wanted a cup of coffee and to sit down with the newspaper - it being Sunday and all, I know, I have very high expectations - and before I managed to get around to making that cup of coffee about 90 minutes later I swapped a load of laundry, hung up the clean stuff to dry, cleaned up in the kitchen a bit (a really wee tiny bit though), tended to my filmjölk, and then realized that I was going to make coffee about an hour ago. And it still took me another 1/2 hour to get to it. So I'm not getting around to much of anything nowadays, it seems.

My task for the day today is to hash out a personal statement in both English and German about professional goals and such as I am applying for a fellowship to a program for teachers which includes 2 seminars at the U of MN and a 3-week stay in Germany. I initially balked at the 3 weeks in Germany and said to Jo "gosh, it's too bad that I can't do this..." and she told me to apply! The big being that it will most certainly give me enough credit for my teaching license which expires this June, and it is vastly, vastly subsidized. So cross your fingers for me. The thought of going to Germany by myself is thrilling, but the thought of leaving my babies at home for nearly a month is agonizing...

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#23 of 136 Old 01-19-2009, 10:31 PM
 
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Heidi - Thanks, that gave me a chuckle! I think there is something to putting positive vibes out there.

Jnanasmama: My understanding (and we haven't joined the church, but when you do, there are more in-depth classes) is that the UU church is a congrgation of people seeking a path of faith and spirituality, welcoming each other whereever they are on that path, and working outwardly to create justice in the world. The readings we have heard have been drawn from many faiths and sources, including scholarly works, writings from various faiths, etc. We've heard scripture from the Bible and from Jewish holy texts and hindu poems as well. yesterday, the sermon was about MLK, about taking leadership even when you don't think you are a leader, and about the support of others that helps you take leadership, and the reading was actually a passage from Barrack Obama's book (a reading about how he felt like a failure and wasn't going to step up to lead again). Before thanksgiving, the reading was a short story about what it means to be rich, read in three parts by an elementary student. The UU church accepts science, but isn't completely without "magic," I'd say. The songs include many familiar hymns, although some of the words are changed to make them open to wider interpretation - including taking out references to Jesus. In that respect, you may not find it a good fit. It's such that you can sing the song and it be about Jesus, but the next person could sing the sond and have a different meaning in mind. Our UU church seems to have a strong population that came from a Jewish tradition, and that is discussed at times. There is a time of meditation each service - with like a prayer before it, then a time for personal meditation. They also have a great RE (religious education) program, which Robin loves, but also very much welcome children into the service. I want Robin to have a tradition of worship and the ritual of religion, but I don't want to feel like a hypocrite, and I feel that the UU church allows me to be where I am in my religious beliefs, and Clint as well. Clint calls it a "crazy hippy church" - he was raised Catholic, but is very much a non-believer in Catholicism. I appreciate the outward focus as well - that part of the mission of the church is not just service, but social justice.

Meg - Congrats. the thing to remember is, there's never the perfect time to have a baby. But you have an open heart and an open home, and the baby will be a perfect fit for your family.

Jen - wishing you so much clarity and purpose as you sum up in a page your life's purpose! That's always a challenge!
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#24 of 136 Old 01-20-2009, 03:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Congrats, Meg! Yay!! I kept expecting to read that news from you sometime soon. I have another friend who just found out she's pregnant, due at the end of August, with her third baby. They are also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia, so now they're wondering what to do!

Anna -- Ouchies, poor Jasper. I agree with Jen about not doing anything drastic, but I can see how you'd be wary if it kept happening over and over. Hopefully this will be an isolated case and clear up and go away! Also, the ceremony that you and jerome did sounded really awesome. I could picture it the way you described it. Amazing, really.

Evelyn is almost 3 months old now and I can't really believe it. It's so strange to think that she'll be crawling in another 3 months or so. I can't picture her growing up and actually moving around. She's so sweet and so "talkative" it's amazing. She'll chatter on and on and make the most interesting noises. I don't remember Thor and Anna doing this. She's getting less crabby, too, which is soooo nice.

So far I am enjoying the mother challenge of having 3 kids, but it is definitely a challenge. I think the hardest thing is that Tony and I get so little time together. It's a strain on a relationship, definitely. We are stuck together like glue, so there's no worries, but it is hard. Part of it too is just that our kids are close together in age, so they are still fairly needy, and that I'm sure makes it harder. Also, Tony commutes a long way and is gone at 5am and home about 5pm, so he's really exhausted.... never a good thing when you're trying to parent little kids.

But lately I've been good at maintaining a huge amount of patience and I think I've become more skilled as a mother. I feel like I know what to say to my kids when there are disagreements, or when they are having a hard time. I feel like I've hit a stride, so to speak, where I can multitask like a pro and I can go with the flow when things get hard (like when all three woke up from a nap today at the same time, and all were crying!). Maybe also my kids are all at cute, fairly easy stages... that's probably more likely!!

ETA: Jen, the Germany op sounds awesome. Go, go!

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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#25 of 136 Old 01-20-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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Thanks everyone. Becca, you are so right about the 'now is never a perfect time...' That's the truth!!

I think when the last one is two (which will probably be this one, unless I decide I can handle being pg again right away.... ugh...) I will enroll in the accelerated RN program, I think it would take me two years and then after that Greg would be able to back off work and we could all 'share' parenting. A lot of the nurses in our area work 3 12 hour shifts- that would be awesome.

I have opened my thinking to realize that Greg, my mom and my MIL are every bit the caregiver I am, and that between all of us we can make it work. I guess in my head, I always wanted to be the busy, happy SAHM (and we have SO much to do around her on a regular basis), but the reality is if you give me an open schedule I'll just stay in my pj's for two days. So, I'm focusing on living in the moment and just 'being' and then looking forward to the challenges ahead.

Although Greg was home all day today with the kids and when I asked him 'so, could you do this on a regular basis?!' and he said 'this is a little harder than it looks!' Yep, reality check!!

Jen- you and go and it will be okay. My experience is that everyone will rise to the challenge if you let them. I don't like being away from my kids.... but half of my issue is that I also feel I am *the best* with my kids and um, even if Greg dresses them funny and mom over-indulges them, they are loved and they all figure out how to make it work.

So lots of you are attending UU ?! I have always liked the UU standpoint- that focus on justice and acceptance is but Greg (also the catholic) calls it 'hippie church' too! We don't do a lot with any church, but Greg is a born and raised Catholic.

Ashley, you sound so GOOD!! Wow, it's great when you've hit your stride. Good for you mama.

This is a special group. It's been a real outlet for me as a mom, to have another group of moms that I can really talk to, but that I don't (well, probably won't) see at the grocery store. Writing it down and becoming connected with other women who I would never meet otherwise has been so wonderful. I express my feelings and get feedback, without judgement and always with support. Through the new babies and big kids, it has been so great to have this group. :

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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#26 of 136 Old 01-21-2009, 12:17 AM
 
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I'm back. I don't know if I can handle a MDC DDC this time around.... these are the threads:
1. how many appointments do you have this month?
2. what foods are you avoiding?
3. ultrasound threads
4. exercise threads
5. 'I'm so nervous' threads

okay- all of these topics are valid, except, dude, the most anyone is pg at this point is 6 weeks! I didn't even KNOW you could start ultrasounding this soon, but it seems many of the moms are already on their second visit this month/next month to see someone! Crazy. I *thought* parents here were more on the 'natural' end of things?! Then the food threads- avoid eggs, cheese, processed meat, even homeopathic remedies that might have alcohol in them... sheesh!

I guess I'm just surprised at how over the top cautious so many of these women are. MDC has really grown to a big world to have these sort of topics be the norm, I think? Some women have pre-exisiting conditions and I'm not ANTI dr/us but I was really surprised by the amount of routine or 'we want to know the sex' answers. I was equally surprised by the food freak outs. It doesn't take much research to find that the benefits of good foods outweigh the risks... Jen, Ashley what was your experience with your last DDC? I don't know that I am going to have a lot in common with a bunch of worryworts. Pretty sure UC'ers might have been directed to other DDC's already- they may not be letting them in.

I might not be helping the situation by saying that I am TOTALLY eating sushi this pregnancy, I'm exercising my heart out, I don't do ANY us's and I won't even call my mw until March.

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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#27 of 136 Old 01-21-2009, 10:47 AM
 
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First, I have to laugh. With all the UU talk, the banner ad at the bottom of this thread is "Learn Biblical Hebrew".

Jen -- go for the schooling. It sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity. I think that anything you would later regret not trying, should always be tried. Go for it. And remember, E. will get bigger and less needy eventually.

Meg -- congrats on the new life! Hope all goes well. I found that the DDC's were super huge. There were still a lot of crunchy people around, but also a lot of more mainstream people as well. I found that when things settle down a bit and someone starts a "chat" thread, that was the one worth visiting.

I'm also one of those people who needs a job and a schedule to keep me in line. I am way more together when I am teaching than when I'm just a mom. I don't think I"m long term SAHM material -- theres just not enough immediate accountability.

Anna -- glad your parting ceremony went so well. Let the healing begin!

I really have to start weaning Aaron. I am just too lazy. Andrew was already weaned by this point -- of course I was 6 months pregnant by this point, too. But I just find that two years is my wearing out point. It just takes so much energy. Sigh.

Jill , mom to Andrew (09/04), Aaron(01/07), and Emma (11/09)
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#28 of 136 Old 01-21-2009, 11:02 AM
 
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Meg I abandoned my DDC except for the 'kitchen table' chat thread. When the whole DDC was up to 6 pages by the end of the first week it got too big for me. Plus we were up to 200 women or something ridiculous like that. The chat thread had the feel of the Sept 04 DDC which was always so small and mellow.

And still is

I got my app for the fellowship in, had to go to my mom's house and let her play with T for a little bit (and feed and change E) so I could finish the statement in German but I felt it was a very strong application. The only thing I worry about is that I am not currently in a classroom teaching. Cross fingers for me? :

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#29 of 136 Old 01-22-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestmeg View Post
I'm back. I don't know if I can handle a MDC DDC this time around.... these are the threads:
1. how many appointments do you have this month?
2. what foods are you avoiding?
3. ultrasound threads
4. exercise threads
5. 'I'm so nervous' threads
I hear you sister! so many threads, but so superficial.... I struggled with that myself. I seem to recall that once upon a time the Sept 04 DDC was pretty huge. I actually had a cheat sheet where I would write down user names, first names, # of children etc. It was hard to keep track of who was who... but it settled out. We found our places in the mess. I remember being frustrated with all the superfluous threads... I stuck with the weekly, yes weekly chat thread and also the homebirth thread. and I found some amazing women like blueviolet who were planning unassisted births who influenced my thinking. You could take on an experienced mama role within the DDC community, it seems like those worry worts could stand a dose of brave, strong Mama courage. Or you could just post here all the time, pregnant lurking Mamas are the best!



Jen~ my fingers are crossed for you, glad to hear you are reconnecting with your pre-mama skills and dreams. You are such an amazing woman and I'm glad you are giving the woman a chance to shine.

Jilly~ I choose to wean Jasper following the loss of Orion, it felt like it was time. He cried a bit and struck me in the face a few times, but now he's accepted it and is actually easier to put to sleep at night. I feel a bit guilty that the 2nd child got cut off so much sooner than the first, but it was my decision to make, and I made it.

gotta go, i am trying to finish some baby shoes before going to the monthly gathering at the Birth Center where my midwife practices. A dear friend of mine had a son a few days before Christmas and I want to have a gift for them. I'm also hoping that i might manage to sell a few pair, for spending cash in Georgia next week. I must post photos in my blog some time, I'm making newborn slippers/ soft shoes out of fleece... so cute!

Love to all

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#30 of 136 Old 01-23-2009, 11:14 AM
 
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Hi ladies,
I too found my ddc suffocating the second time around. I think that DDC's are often just perfect for the first time pregnancies ... where it is all so new and you have so many unknowns. By the second preg ... you are all so worn out and jaded ... hell, you could practically lean back w/a martini and a smoke!

Jen.... caught your post on the german program.... I think it's great. It'll be wonderful for Jo to to have that "trial by fire" bonding. I had to leave my two with Don this fall because my mom was having surgery. It was for a week, then for two four day periods overall. Everyone did great. I think he was tired by the end, but the girls were great. The first week they barely mentioned my name!

Liz

Kids. I got two of 'em.
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