3 yo and sharing vs not sharing - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 04-13-2002, 07:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Basically it comes down to - how far do I push the sharing issue.

He will be 3 next month and in the past few months has really not wanted to share. Ex. wanted to bring the frisbee to the park (we were meeting friends) but he announced he would not share. I told him if he did not want to share it, then it had to stay in the car. He happily agreed to leave it in the car. No more issues about this.

We were running errands one day and bought a cookie. He did not want to share with me. I explained all sorts of reasons why he should share the cookie... it took him a *very* long time to decide he would let me have a bite.

I do not want to MAKE him share -- I think that could backfire. But I don't want him to remain steadfast in not sharing... Is this really an issue? or am I worrying over a phase that will not last if I don't make a big deal of it?

Peace Jen
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#2 of 7 Old 04-13-2002, 11:50 AM
 
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I'm thinking it isnt so much an issue.It was HIS frisbee and I think you handled it well.It also was HIS cookie (I'm assuming you gave it to him),and up to him whether he wanted to share it or not.(I personally dont like sharing my cookies either ).I think we have to respect the fact that they do like their things.I never used to think of it that way until someone asked me-How would I like it if a stranger came to my house and started handling and pawing through all my things? Not very much.What I do in our house is this-If Saige is having a friend over,I ask her to put away the things that she doesnt want to share with her friends.So that leaves the stuff she doesnt mind sharing and everyone's happy!!!!
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#3 of 7 Old 04-13-2002, 12:34 PM
 
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We always had the rule that if you didn't want to share a toy it had to stay in the closet while friends were over (or in the car if we were going somewhere). It was fine if she didn't want to lrt others share her toys but she couldn't play with them while friends were over. Any toys left out had to be shared. The only toy I forced sharing with was a ball because it is more fun when you share than when you hold onto it for dear life.

I expect my children to share food with me and with each other. I simply (even at 3) reminded her that if mommy hadn't shared her money she wouldn't have the food. Cookies on the other hand, usually every one gets on (get real its a cookie, who wants to share that) or I say befoe I buy it. We will share this. Doesn't want to share? I buy the cookie fr myself. If there willbe sharing I usually split the food before hand to avoid te equal bites thing.

So I guess a little forethought goes a long way to helping kids get into the habit of sharing andpointing out when other people share is helpful too (remember how josee shared her toys with you. that was fun wasn't it. When josee comes over today I would like for you to share. Can you promise to share?). While I don't force my child to share (usually), if they insist on being selfish thier may be consequences such as leaving a friends house or sending a friend home, or not getting a cookie, or having a toy put away.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#4 of 7 Old 04-13-2002, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks ladies!

that does help.

I just want to add that the cookie was as big as his head! I knew he would not be able to eat the whole thing, but was surprised by his actions of not sharing.

peace
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#5 of 7 Old 04-14-2002, 08:43 AM
 
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WOW!!! I wish I had a cookie as big as my head.....
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#6 of 7 Old 06-07-2002, 12:25 AM
 
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Just wanted to add my two cents. I do not believe in forcing or even nudging a child toward sharing. For me it is the same with manners. I believe it is my role to model sharing (and manners) and my son (almost 3) will learn when he is ready. Whenever he asks for what I have I (usually) say I would love to share that with you (and sometimes sing the Raffi song that goes "if I share it with you, you'll have some too"). Now, all of a sudden, he often asks me if I want to share our dinners and we both get to take bites off each others plates. It isn't nearly so easy with his playmates but I know he'll get there when he is ready. I try not to have any expectations of him and trust he will learn these important skills by the time he is an adult . best wishes, christine
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#7 of 7 Old 06-07-2002, 03:14 AM
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I agree with youngyoga. I don't think a child should be forced into sharing or manners. I dislike how other moms keep telling their kids "say thankyou" or "say please". I also agree that parents should be the role model, and when you are with your child sometimes you have to emphazise how YOU are sharing, saying thankyou everytime the child does something you ask for, and they'll most likely follow the lider!! DS who will be 3 soon learned the word "mine" and had a couple weeks in which he wouldn't share and he would be very upset if I suggested he did. One day he was about to BF and I told him, no, milk is MINE and he turned to me with his sweetest face and said "mom, shaaare, pleeeeease" and somehow he learned that sharing is good and sometimes necessary.
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