4 yo cannot talk without yelling and absolutely cannot be still-driving me crazy! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is this normal? I mean I know a lot of it is personality but sometimes I wonder about his absolute inability to stop moving. He is a smart boy, very curious, he never, ever stops moving and talking. I can't take it anymore, how do I handle this. I love him, but I want to jump out of a window Does anybody have any insight to what makes a 4yo boy constantly jump and pace and move and on top of it talk, talk, talk?!?!

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#2 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 08:38 PM
 
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No. But, I can relate. I know kids like this, and you just want ONE HOUR of silence.

I have times when I just want to go sit in my car all alone, and listen to the radio. I always get to the point where I absolutley can't even stand to hear my own name/mom. Don't you cringe just a little when you hear that adorable voice say "hey mom....."?

Can't help you, but I can comisserate.
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#3 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 08:43 PM
 
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Um... being a 4 year old extrovert?

If your title is correct, you might want to have his hearing checked. If his hearing is OK, work on inside voices and outside voices. (My dd is loud too - I'll be bending over to buckle her in her car seat and she'll boom out something 2 inches from my ear.)

One fun way to practice indoor and outdoor voices is to stand in the door way to outside. Step outside with your child and be loud. Step in and be soft. Then have them do it. Repeat. Your neighbors will think you're crazy, but it works!

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#4 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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I asked my four year old why she yells so much and she said "MOM! THAT'S JUST HOW MY VOICE IS!!!"

Her hearing is fine, they tested it at school. The volume is enough to drive a person batty.
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#5 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 09:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ani'smommy View Post
I asked my four year old why she yells so much and she said "MOM! THAT'S JUST HOW MY VOICE IS!!!"
.

Bahahaha!!!! That just amused the heck out of me.
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#6 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 11:37 PM
 
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Have you looked into sensory integration issues? Some kids are "undersensitive" - it takes a lot to stimulate their systems, so they don't really register sensory input unless it's more than most people could stand. It can manifest as talking loud, not noticing (hearing, but not noticing) quiet sounds, fidgeting, constant movement, thrill-seeking behavior, not really noticing when they bump into things or people, low sensitivity to cold or heat , etc. They are often perceived as loud, aggressive (don't really notice that their touch is rough), rude (the bumping into people bit) or attention-deficit (constant stimulation-seeking, wiggling, noise making).

It may not be a big enough issue to really impact the child's life in a serious way, but if it is an SI issue, knowing what it is and helping the child develop coping mechanisms can make their life and yours easier. There are some great occupational therapy strategies for undersensitive kids to help them work out energy, develop greater awareness of their body, etc. NOT trying to "diagnose" your kid based on this brief snapshot, but just putting it out there for consideration!
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#7 of 23 Old 03-11-2009, 11:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you looked into sensory integration issues? Some kids are "undersensitive" - it takes a lot to stimulate their systems, so they don't really register sensory input unless it's more than most people could stand. It can manifest as talking loud, not noticing (hearing, but not noticing) quiet sounds, fidgeting, constant movement, thrill-seeking behavior, not really noticing when they bump into things or people, low sensitivity to cold or heat , etc. They are often perceived as loud, aggressive (don't really notice that their touch is rough), rude (the bumping into people bit) or attention-deficit (constant stimulation-seeking, wiggling, noise making).

It may not be a big enough issue to really impact the child's life in a serious way, but if it is an SI issue, knowing what it is and helping the child develop coping mechanisms can make their life and yours easier. There are some great occupational therapy strategies for undersensitive kids to help them work out energy, develop greater awareness of their body, etc. NOT trying to "diagnose" your kid based on this brief snapshot, but just putting it out there for consideration!
Yo-becca, a lot of what you have mentioned sounds a lot like my son, which makes me want to cry and cry a lot! I am definately going to look into the SI issue and see what I can find out. Who do I talk to about that. Is our general pediatrician the right place to start? I can look it up online too.

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#8 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 01:13 AM
 
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ARG! Just wrote 2 screens and lost it!

Bear in mind that if you google sensory integration, you'll find lots of seemingly scary information. Sensory integration disorder is often found overlapping with autism and serious learning or developmental issues. HOWEVER, LOTS of kids who are well with the range of normal development have sensory integration issues - not a "disorder" that needs serious intervention, but some issues that need patience and help developing coping strategies. Sensory integration is the process by which your brain takes in all the information it receives through the five senses and figures out what to pay attention to and how to respond to it. For most people, this is all automatic and unconscious - it's how we know how loud to speak, how hard to push a car door to close it, how to pick up a coffee mug without throwing it, how to walk down stairs without looking. Through trial and error, our bodies figured this stuff out, and we dont' even have to think about it anymore. We tune out stuff that doesn't need our attention, and tune into what we should pay attention to. Oversensitive kids can't tune things out, so they can feel overwhelmed and easily bothered. undersensitive kids tune out a lot, so they seek stimulation and aren't easily bothered. But this system is growing and developing rapidly until like age 8-9, so there's lots of time to help a kid struggling in either direction to develop copoing skills.

Generally, a sensory issue is diagnosed by an occupational therapist and treated through occupational therapy (OT). Some kids aren't so severe that they warrant a "diagnosis" but can still benefit from OT. This is "play therapy" - things like hiding materials in a bin where kids can't see them and having them find them by touch (so they distinguish textures), games where they have to reach up high then down low (building balance and sense of body position), lifting or moving heavy items (like classroom furniture), excercises that help them develop a sense of their own body, speaking in soft voices, etc. Massage and gentle pressure to the body is often used (like a hand on the shoulder when talking). I know it seems weird, but these kinds of things help the children get lots of information to the brain about their bodies, and they kickstart the sensory integration process. A lot of it is stuff that can be made into a game, and can be done at home. I do some of it in my class of 3 year olds with all the kids, b/c they like it (we are hopping like frogs to the bathroom today)

I have a few students with SI issues (both ways) and I tell their parents that what i think is most important is that they help the child see what they need and ask for it so the kids can advocate for themselves (like my oversensitive kid asking for his space and using a napkin, so he doesn't freak out when someone touches him or his hand are dirty), and that the parent advocate for their child - b/c a lot of these kids get labeled as "behavior problems" when sometimes it's really about the kid having a hard time in the environment. It's better to understand it so you can help them cope. I hate the thought of a child being labeled as a "problem" in school when really it's because the particular environment sets them up to struggle and just a few changes make a world of difference.

Don't get discouraged - even if you think your child may have an SI issue, really that's just a label to help understand what's going on in a child's head and how to help them cope with the world so they can be successful. It doesn't mean they will be any less successful or happy than the next child, but may mean they need to be understood for who they are and help developing coping strategies. And again, i'm not trying to label your child based on just a few clues, just putting this out as an option to investigate. he may just be a super-extroverted chatterbox!
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#9 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 03:56 AM
 
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#10 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 10:31 AM
 
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Did you happen to read the article in Mothering this month entitled "Jumping Off Cliffs" about a little energetic, constantly moving, little boy? It could be the story of many a young boy that I know. I think that a lot of kids really fall into the category because they are full of energy and life and it is mistaken as an issue instead of a normal part of development. I would work on the volume of the voice in a gentle way and give him lots of outlets for all that energy. Put it to work in fun ways if you can!

The volume of talking is enough to drive you a little batty though sometimes. DD1 is LOUD in just talking, and she LOVES to tell us what she thinks about life, all the time. I have learned to enjoy her enthusiasm. Just sometimes wish it had a volume button for sure!
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#11 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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OP, you just described my 3.5 yo! I'm beginning to look into SPD. In addition to the constant movement and talking (this kid does not sit still, and I almost never see him walking - it's always running and jumping), he craves tons of sensory stimulation. I just got The Out-of-Sync Child from the library, and I haven't started reading it yet but I've heard it's a great resource.

I know having such an intensely "more" kid is frustrating and draining. My DS goes above and beyond the activity level of any child I've ever seen. I worry about his social life as he gets older - even now, when he's with other kids, he's so excited and overwhelmed that he has trouble playing with them (unless it's a game of tag!). He's like a little rubber ball bouncing off the walls. I try to give him as much outdoors time as possible and provide him with lots of opportunities for sensory stimulation, which helps quite a bit. And I treasure every single quiet, peaceful moment I can get!

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#12 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 12:39 PM
 
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LOTS of kids who are well with the range of normal development have sensory integration issues - not a "disorder" that needs serious intervention, but some issues that need patience and help developing coping strategies.
Worth repeating.

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#13 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 01:09 PM
 
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This describes my 3yo daughter also, the only difference is that only she is allowed to be loud. She cannot tolerate loud noises, she complains about the radio, the vacuum, the truck, etc...

The constantly moving, constantly chattering, driving you bonkers kind of behaviour... That's her...

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#14 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all and especially Yo-becca for posting, I am so glad I made the OP. I forget what a wonderful resource MDC is. I am starting to feel a bit more confident about this, and I definately do not want to lable him! As his mom I naturally want life to go smoothly and easily for him, I will do my best to facilitate it.

btw I did read the Mothering article "jumping off cliffs", I enjoyed it very much, It too was encouraging. I just hope I have the patience and endurance to know how to respond and what to encourage the way the mother in the article did.

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#15 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 02:11 PM
 
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Just want to post this link. There is a bit about a dancer that seems very relevant to you.

HTH's
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#16 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 05:19 PM
 
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Herbmama3-7

What you describes sounds a lot like my 3.5yo dd. When she was 2 ( and spoke very well), I'd get so many comments from other adults about how "softspoken" she was, what a nice, sweet, quiet speaking voice she has. I'll just say that now I receive no such compliments . I feel as though she is always screaming--often to get attention, now that I think about it.

And talk about always moving--I mean ALWAYS! When she wears a tank top it looks crazy; her body is so muscular and cut from all her climbing, swinging, flipping, acrobatic perpetual motion. It's crazy. She still cannot just sit through a meal, and we had her at The Little Gym, but we're going to put her in a more serious gymnastics program to really challenge her and teach her how to do all the acrobatics safely. I'm looking for a gym with a half-day five day a week program. .

Getting a swingset has helped. Although now that she has mastered all of the equipment she keeps trying to up the ante and do daredevil stunts

I'm reading this book right now: http://www.amazon.com/Living-Active-...6888574&sr=8-1
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#17 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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naismama, thanks for posting the book rec. I just ordered it from my library - looks good!

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#18 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 10:00 PM
 
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Wow. I am also just looking into SPD for my 4 year old DS who is loud as heck. I have been struggling with him over the last few months, with his anger and I've been feeling like a terrible parent...like I ruined my perfect little boy somehow. I know that sounds dramatic but I couldn't understand why he had been repeatedly lashing out, until another mother who observed him in a little class that we go to asked if maybe he had sensory issues. She said that he reminded her of her own son who has them.
So I started reading and sure enough, I was stunned at all the things I was discovering. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes!
I did a search over in Special Needs Parenting on SPD and had tears in my eyes as I read thread after thread that seemed as if I could have written them.
He's very loud and no amount of me asking him to lower his voice helps. He also has personal space issues and that will cause him to lash out. I could go on but I don't want to hijack your thread I just couldn't read without posting!
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Oh my. This is my son exactly. There is not a quiet moment in our house. He has a hard time with his indoor voice (so does my husband though, so i think in our case it just might be genes/environment) but he cannot sit still. He is an extreme extrovert and while it drives me (an introvert) absolutely batty, i just think its part of his personality and we just try and teach him ways to live with it, he is getting better at that as he gets older.

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#20 of 23 Old 03-12-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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I suggest checking hearing as well. My son is HOH and he is ssssssssssssoooooooooooooo loud, b/c he can hear it.
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#21 of 23 Old 03-13-2009, 12:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yo Becca View Post
ARG! Just wrote 2 screens and lost it!

Bear in mind that if you google sensory integration, you'll find lots of seemingly scary information. Sensory integration disorder is often found overlapping with autism and serious learning or developmental issues. HOWEVER, LOTS of kids who are well with the range of normal development have sensory integration issues - not a "disorder" that needs serious intervention, but some issues that need patience and help developing coping strategies. Sensory integration is the process by which your brain takes in all the information it receives through the five senses and figures out what to pay attention to and how to respond to it. For most people, this is all automatic and unconscious - it's how we know how loud to speak, how hard to push a car door to close it, how to pick up a coffee mug without throwing it, how to walk down stairs without looking. Through trial and error, our bodies figured this stuff out, and we dont' even have to think about it anymore. We tune out stuff that doesn't need our attention, and tune into what we should pay attention to. Oversensitive kids can't tune things out, so they can feel overwhelmed and easily bothered. undersensitive kids tune out a lot, so they seek stimulation and aren't easily bothered. But this system is growing and developing rapidly until like age 8-9, so there's lots of time to help a kid struggling in either direction to develop copoing skills.

Generally, a sensory issue is diagnosed by an occupational therapist and treated through occupational therapy (OT). Some kids aren't so severe that they warrant a "diagnosis" but can still benefit from OT. This is "play therapy" - things like hiding materials in a bin where kids can't see them and having them find them by touch (so they distinguish textures), games where they have to reach up high then down low (building balance and sense of body position), lifting or moving heavy items (like classroom furniture), excercises that help them develop a sense of their own body, speaking in soft voices, etc. Massage and gentle pressure to the body is often used (like a hand on the shoulder when talking). I know it seems weird, but these kinds of things help the children get lots of information to the brain about their bodies, and they kickstart the sensory integration process. A lot of it is stuff that can be made into a game, and can be done at home. I do some of it in my class of 3 year olds with all the kids, b/c they like it (we are hopping like frogs to the bathroom today)

I have a few students with SI issues (both ways) and I tell their parents that what i think is most important is that they help the child see what they need and ask for it so the kids can advocate for themselves (like my oversensitive kid asking for his space and using a napkin, so he doesn't freak out when someone touches him or his hand are dirty), and that the parent advocate for their child - b/c a lot of these kids get labeled as "behavior problems" when sometimes it's really about the kid having a hard time in the environment. It's better to understand it so you can help them cope. I hate the thought of a child being labeled as a "problem" in school when really it's because the particular environment sets them up to struggle and just a few changes make a world of difference.

Don't get discouraged - even if you think your child may have an SI issue, really that's just a label to help understand what's going on in a child's head and how to help them cope with the world so they can be successful. It doesn't mean they will be any less successful or happy than the next child, but may mean they need to be understood for who they are and help developing coping strategies. And again, i'm not trying to label your child based on just a few clues, just putting this out as an option to investigate. he may just be a super-extroverted chatterbox!
Sorry for quoting this huge post, but I think it is so well written. My own ds is in OT for SPD, and I was so scared at first. He's fine though. He just needs some help learning to better navigate his word. I have learned so much from having him in OT, and finding a therapist who specialized in SPD has helped immensely . Good luck!
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#22 of 23 Old 03-15-2009, 12:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Yo Becca View Post
Have you looked into sensory integration issues? Some kids are "undersensitive" - it takes a lot to stimulate their systems, so they don't really register sensory input unless it's more than most people could stand. It can manifest as talking loud, not noticing (hearing, but not noticing) quiet sounds, fidgeting, constant movement, thrill-seeking behavior, not really noticing when they bump into things or people, low sensitivity to cold or heat , etc. They are often perceived as loud, aggressive (don't really notice that their touch is rough), rude (the bumping into people bit) or attention-deficit (constant stimulation-seeking, wiggling, noise making).
OMG!! You just described my 3 year old dd to a freakin' t. An OT confirmed SI issues for her - definitely an input seeker. She will bump into things about 50 times a day. Another thing that she does is trip over things. For example, the other day I was on my knees with my 2 year old and she walked behind me and tripped right over my legs. And get this - SHE WEARS GLASSES for being significantly far sighted!!! When she was a baby I would still have to swaddle her at night at 8 months old because she was so fidgety. My other dd's will lay in bed and be asleep in 10 minutes, but she will still be up at 10pm, 11pm, sometimes even at midnight wanting to jump on the bed. Some nights are worse than others. If she naps during the day, it's usually a rough bedtime. She has no problem with concentration (which is odd to me) and has been putting together 24 pc. puzzles since she was just barely 2 years old. When she starts something, if you do not let her finish it she gets really mad. She is extremely independent. She has been buckling herself in and out of her carseat since she was 2 1/2, but my almost 4 1/2 year old still won't do it by herself!! The sensitivity thing has always concerned me. She can run into something, fall down, bang her head, etc. and just jump right up like nothing ever happened. When she was a baby, I would wait for that scream after getting hurt and it was RARE!! That was our first sign that we thought she had SI issues.

There are a lot of great books out there. I'm currently reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "The Out of Synch Child Has Fun"

An incredibly thankful SAH Mommy to 3 fiendishly enchanting girls 11/04,10/05, & 12/06. 
 
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#23 of 23 Old 03-15-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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And talk about always moving--I mean ALWAYS! When she wears a tank top it looks crazy; her body is so muscular and cut from all her climbing, swinging, flipping, acrobatic perpetual motion. It's crazy.
Ok, this is too strange!! People have commented about dd's "six pack abs". If you are holding her, she will fling herself backwards so that she is upside down, legs still wrapped around your waist, and she can do a sit up and get herself back into position of being held on your hip - with no help!! She is solid/muscular and already ripped at 3.5!! And her name is very close to your username, which makes it even stranger!!!!!

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