would you let a 3 year old play alone in a securely fenced back yard? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 92 Old 03-25-2009, 05:49 PM
 
churndash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, I wouldn't. Not because I'd worry about kidnapping but just because I'd think there was no way to make a backyard completely safe without it being totally empty!

There are things in my yard that could hurt a little one - fertilizer, my gardening equipment, the woodpile....my kids also would not have been happy alone in the yard. They would have wanted me or a sibling there.
churndash is offline  
#62 of 92 Old 03-25-2009, 05:52 PM
 
~PurityLake~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anchorage, Alaska, US
Posts: 6,148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wish I had a yard.

Katreena, peace.gif 39 year old Alaskan treehugger.gif Mama to 1 hearts.gif and 1 lady.gif gd.gif
 
 
 
 

~PurityLake~ is offline  
#63 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 08:43 AM
 
louloubean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Old Chatham NY
Posts: 487
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
absolutely yes! i would.
but it's what you feel comfortable with that counts most!

louloubean in love with bryan, mom of boo squeak and nor nor: and 7 chickens
louloubean is offline  
#64 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 11:41 AM
 
ryansma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Where people yell O-H-I-O
Posts: 2,775
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes I would. I let ds play on our deck in his sand and water table while I am inside. I can see him out a back window.

April thankful mommy to my boys Big Red 3/06 Little Z 9/08 and happily awaiting the arrival of 10/10 :
ryansma is offline  
#65 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 12:05 PM
 
BoringTales's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 679
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When we had a fenced yard I let both my older boys out to play. I could see them though from almost anywhere in the house, and I always had windows/doors open. It was hard for me to do that. I'm a worrier, so I did worry about animals jumping the fence or some random stranger coming by. It was ridiculous...lol....but thankfully I got over it.

At our current house they aren't allowed to step foot out the door without an adult. We live on a lake.

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
BoringTales is offline  
#66 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 12:12 PM
 
Robyn79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 73
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When the boys were younger and we had a fenced yard I let them play out there all the time on their own. I could see most of the yard from the kitchen windown and would still check on them every 5 minutes or so. They were always so proud of getting to play "on their own" and had no idea I was checking on them. We did have one instance of a boy being covered in mud by his brother...but honestly that was more funny than anything else!: Now that they are a bit older (7, 6 & 4.5) and we are in a different house with no fenced yard they are still allowed to play out there on their own (I still check on them) but they are VERY clear of the rules and know they will have to come inside if they don't follow them.

Mom to :...and maybe thinking about one more...
Robyn79 is offline  
#67 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 03:22 PM
 
~PurityLake~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anchorage, Alaska, US
Posts: 6,148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn79 View Post
Now that they are a bit older (7, 6 & 4.5) and we are in a different house with no fenced yard they are still allowed to play out there on their own (I still check on them) but they are VERY clear of the rules and know they will have to come inside if they don't follow them.
Well, that is why I answered no. My daughters would NOT stay in the yard. They would NOT follow the rules and would run out into the street. No matter how secure and locked I would think the gate was, they'd find a way out! I must be cursed.

Katreena, peace.gif 39 year old Alaskan treehugger.gif Mama to 1 hearts.gif and 1 lady.gif gd.gif
 
 
 
 

~PurityLake~ is offline  
#68 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 05:19 PM
 
monkeysmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 557
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Since my dd talks non-stop, I definitely would if I could hear her playing, even if I couldn't see her. If she was quiet, I would check on her.
monkeysmommy is offline  
#69 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 05:19 PM
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 9,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've noticed that a lot of the "Yes, we do" answering people specify that they can see their child from window/patio doors/open doorways from inside the house. However, the OP said that she can not see a large portion of her yard from the house.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
#70 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 05:24 PM
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We do not have a fence. Last summer when he was 3 I let him play in our tiny backyard and I would keep the back door open so I could hear and look out at him every few minutes. The moment I could not hear him I would go and locate him.

Now that he is 4 he knows the "safe zone" and he can go out. We check every 10 minutes or so.
flowers is offline  
#71 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 05:25 PM
 
super mamabug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do and I can't see much either. I keep the door/window open and listen actively. If it gets too quiet I peek outside. Usually they are in and out so I am aware of them. They always want to show me something.
super mamabug is offline  
#72 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 05:50 PM
 
riverscout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: back where I belong
Posts: 2,434
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
I've noticed that a lot of the "Yes, we do" answering people specify that they can see their child from window/patio doors/open doorways from inside the house. However, the OP said that she can not see a large portion of her yard from the house.
She said only a small part was visible form the kitchen/living room, not that a large portion couldn't be seen from the house at all. Anyway, I think it is hard to say exactly what you would do in a house you have never seen so people are just giving their experience.

I mentioned I can see my daughter if she is on the patio which is as far as she can go until we get a fence. However, once the yard is fenced and she has free reign of the yard, it will be much more difficult if not impossible to see her in certain parts of the yard particularly from any given window. But I'm comfortable with that. The child talks, yells, screams, and sings non stop when she is outside, so I know I could always hear her.

coolshine.gif

riverscout is offline  
#73 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 05:55 PM
 
eclipse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Mexico
Posts: 7,862
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
I've noticed that a lot of the "Yes, we do" answering people specify that they can see their child from window/patio doors/open doorways from inside the house. However, the OP said that she can not see a large portion of her yard from the house.
I can't see my back yard at all from the livingroom.
eclipse is offline  
#74 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 07:14 PM
 
ruthsher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
only if I could see at all times, and if my back were turned - I'd need to be able to hear voices... call me a nervous nellie...
ruthsher is offline  
#75 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
caedmyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,255
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
She said only a small part was visible form the kitchen/living room, not that a large portion couldn't be seen from the house at all. Anyway, I think it is hard to say exactly what you would do in a house you have never seen so people are just giving their experience.
I'm the OP. The only windows I can see the backyard from are in the kitchen, and I can't see much from them. I can go out on the back deck (which is off the kitchen) and see most of the yard. I don't know how much I'll be able to hear in the back yard even with a window open (it's still winter here) since the house is on a daylight basement and so the kitchen is basically on the second story...plus the neighbors' kids behind us jump on their trampoline all day when they're not in school and they are VERY loud.
caedmyn is offline  
#76 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 08:20 PM
 
riverscout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: back where I belong
Posts: 2,434
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by caedmyn View Post
I'm the OP. The only windows I can see the backyard from are in the kitchen, and I can't see much from them. I can go out on the back deck (which is off the kitchen) and see most of the yard. I don't know how much I'll be able to hear in the back yard even with a window open (it's still winter here) since the house is on a daylight basement and so the kitchen is basically on the second story...plus the neighbors' kids behind us jump on their trampoline all day when they're not in school and they are VERY loud.
I was just daydreaming about my soon-to-be-fence and thought of something that might work for you. My daughter is almost the exact same age as yours and she has been really good about staying on the patio at her sand table. She has never wandered off and it's not like I had to be harsh about or anything but just asked her to stay there.

I know all kids are different, so this might not work for your daughter, but maybe you could just let her play in a certain designated part of the yard and set up some kind of visual boundary she would know not to go past like row of pavers or a couple of flower pots...maybe some of that yellow caution tape . You could put her toys in that area so she wouldn't feel the need to wander.

Just a thought. If you aren't comfortable, by all means listen to that. I'm not trying to pressure you. But my son is almost the same age as yours too, so I know it can be tough sometimes to get everyones needs met and giving the bigger kid a little freedom outside while you nurse the baby or do the dishes or whatever can be really nice.

coolshine.gif

riverscout is offline  
#77 of 92 Old 03-26-2009, 09:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
caedmyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,255
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
I was just daydreaming about my soon-to-be-fence and thought of something that might work for you. My daughter is almost the exact same age as yours and she has been really good about staying on the patio at her sand table. She has never wandered off and it's not like I had to be harsh about or anything but just asked her to stay there.

I know all kids are different, so this might not work for your daughter, but maybe you could just let her play in a certain designated part of the yard and set up some kind of visual boundary she would know not to go past like row of pavers or a couple of flower pots...maybe some of that yellow caution tape . You could put her toys in that area so she wouldn't feel the need to wander.
Yeah that's a good idea. She loves to play on the front deck but it's a second story deck & I don't really feel comfortable letting her run around on it without direct supervision. Maybe I'll see if she'll stay on the area around the back deck which has wood chips (supposed to be a rose garden but I think the roses all died). I can't see that from the kitchen window but would just have to go out on the deck and look down to see her. I'll have to try that...thanks for the idea!
Just a thought. If you aren't comfortable, by all means listen to that. I'm not trying to pressure you. But my son is almost the same age as yours too, so I know it can be tough sometimes to get everyones needs met and giving the bigger kid a little freedom outside while you nurse the baby or do the dishes or whatever can be really nice.
caedmyn is offline  
#78 of 92 Old 03-27-2009, 12:58 AM
 
Murph12334's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In my yard, no. But it's not fenced in and totally different. In a different yard, yes

: Mother (4/11/06) to Josephine and (4/23/09) to Oliver and baby (due June 1st)

Babies: Angel (6/29/02), Tiberius (3/8/11), Lillianna (12/27/11)

Murph12334 is offline  
#79 of 92 Old 03-27-2009, 09:15 AM
 
mistymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,964
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
At age 3 I would only do it if you could see most of the yard from your window, which it sounds like you can't.

When ds was 3 we had a small fenced backyard and a big window in the kitchen, I could see and hear everything. It was so nice to be able to let him run around and play while I cooked dinner, etc.

Now that he's 6, he's allowed to go outside byhimself and play with friends. He knows the limits on where he is supposed to go. It wont be long before you can relax a little, but at 3, I'd keep the kiddo within sight/earshot.

Candacepeace.gif, Married to dh   guitar.gif, Mom to ds (8) biggrinbounce.gif , Gavin candle.gif (9/30/10 - 12/19/10) and cautiously expecting our rainbow1284.gif 4-29-12

mistymama is offline  
#80 of 92 Old 03-27-2009, 09:22 AM
 
mazajo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 772
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, I would let a 3yo play outside alone in the yard described by the OP. I would try to cluster most of the toys in the area that can been seen from the house, keep windows open, and check frequently.
mazajo is offline  
#81 of 92 Old 03-27-2009, 03:00 PM
 
veganf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Framingham, MA
Posts: 8,077
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, we have let our kids play in our fenced yard by themselves by 18mo, as soon as they can navigate the porch steps. I can see the gate from the office & kitchen so I just keep an eye out and check them regularly.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
veganf is offline  
#82 of 92 Old 03-27-2009, 09:49 PM
 
schoolmom07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Maiden, NC
Posts: 308
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My daughter is almost 7 (in two weeks) and I am very paranoid about letting her out to play alone at her age. Have you checked www.familywatchdog.us to see where the child offenders are? We moved to our new house and that was one of the first things I did. Unfortunately, we have one that lives 2 doors down from us. Child snatching can happen faster than you think. I saw a program that teaches children (yes, children) that if someone tries to grab you lay down, wrap your arms around one leg and legs around the other leg. You can't very well run if you are struggling to even get the child to become upright. Child snatching is a crime most dependant on speed. The main thing that I would be concerned about it would be bugs, snakes, or poisonous plants. Any of these things could be deadly to a young one.

Wife to DH who worshipsbow.gif me (code for tolerates me) (2001), mom of one DDsleepytime.gif (April 2002) and one DDfly-by-nursing1.gif who arrived forcefully (Sept 2009) Caretaker of Boogie the cat and fish/reef hobbyist. Just tryin' to maintain...banghead.gifteapot2.GIF In major need of...grouphug.gif

schoolmom07 is offline  
#83 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 01:01 AM
 
lamairs81's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 53
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Our yard is currently only fenced on 2 sides, but I'm perfectly fine with letting my 7yo DS & my 4yo DD play outside on their own. Whenever their sister is walking, I'll let her at least go out on our deck that has gates at both sets of steps without me outside. The only reason I plan to fence my yard is so my dogs can have a bit more freedom. I don't think we'll ever be able to trust our malamute mix to stay in the yard...his breeding alone makes him way too independent...and our akita mix, though she listens better when called, gets too distracted by all the other dogs in our nighborhood (last count in our fairly small block was about 20). We recently had a couple move in across the street with 4 dogs & I am so jealous that they stay put. I have however seen that our dog tends to stay where she belongs when the kids are outside, although I haven't tested this theory for extended periods of time.
lamairs81 is offline  
#84 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 01:13 AM
 
OGirlieMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 2,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by caedmyn View Post
I'm the OP. The only windows I can see the backyard from are in the kitchen, and I can't see much from them. I can go out on the back deck (which is off the kitchen) and see most of the yard. I don't know how much I'll be able to hear in the back yard even with a window open (it's still winter here) since the house is on a daylight basement and so the kitchen is basically on the second story...plus the neighbors' kids behind us jump on their trampoline all day when they're not in school and they are VERY loud.
I don't think I could do it in general, but definitely not in the situation you described. I think you (rightfully, IMO) feel uncomfortable about it and that's why you made this post.

I do not have a fenced yard, and sometimes I let my girls play on my patio (right outside the back door in the kitchen) while I prepare dinner (like, nuke something or boil water for mac & cheese - not a 4-course-meal) or run in to grab something, but anything beyond that would make me too tense if I couldn't see them.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
OGirlieMama is offline  
#85 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 01:50 AM
 
octobermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Yuma AZ
Posts: 5,559
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
YEs and no... First if it was a young three VS near four would make a big diffrence to me. I don't think i could just alow totally free outdoor play if I didn't have a better view but I could set him up outside with various activities and leave him be and check up frequently so if there say with a sand box or a water table (Assuming comfort with water) I could for small spurts but I'd defiently check often.
That was a hard age for me because we lived in apartments so now secured priviate place outside.
Deanna

Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
octobermom is offline  
#86 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 02:07 AM
 
leximom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: merced
Posts: 3,072
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I let my 2 and 3 year old play outside while I'm busy. I stay on the first floor, have both french doors open plus the kitchen window. I don't really need to peek out often since they are both running in and out the whole time. When it quiets down I definitely make a trip out to see what they are doing...usually involving a snail
leximom is offline  
#87 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 02:20 AM
 
lovbeingamommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,919
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DS is three and DH and I have agreed it's still too young for an only child. I think if he had a 4 or 5 yr old sibling it would be a different story, but there's just too many things he could get into that just wouldn't be good. We do go out every evening to talk and relax and he does what he wants outside, but we keep a pretty close eye on him.

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

lovbeingamommy is offline  
#88 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 10:34 AM
 
zeldamomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,226
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't feel comfortable with a 3 year old playing outside essentially unsupervised (which is how I would interpret your set-up, where you can't see or hear him).

I would try to find things to do outside in the yard while he plays.

ZM
zeldamomma is offline  
#89 of 92 Old 03-31-2009, 11:35 AM
 
Lizafava's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do. DS is 3.5 and it feels okay now. It definitely didn't when he was closer to 2. We have caribeaners on the gates that he can't open, and in any case he is very good about boundaries and won't leave the yard. I can't see much of the backyard, so with windows open and frequent peeking and chatting through the open windows, I feel okay.

The thing that causes us trouble most often is digging in the raised beds, but that's not a safety issue!
Lizafava is offline  
#90 of 92 Old 02-21-2012, 08:31 AM
 
motherof3babes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I thought my girls were safe in my locked back yard. I'm still praying for Justice! If anyone can get any kind of access to your kids and they want them..they can take them.  A fence can be false security!! Someone can take them and put them back. I was lucky that mine were put back! Molestation only takes a matter of minutes!  Please pray and send your hopes to my family. We need all the strength we can get.  This is an article of what we are going thru because I made the wrong decision of thinking my secluded locked back yard was safe!

http://www.10news.com/news/30376159/detail.html

motherof3babes is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off