Are all 3 yr olds possessed? - Mothering Forums

 
Thread Tools
#1 of 21 Old 12-31-2003, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
Satori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Earth, I think, kids say Cybertron
Posts: 7,814
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 21 Post(s)
Becasue i'm sure mine is! I don't know what to do with her anymore... : She's hitting, kicking, spitting, screaming, biting, being a general nightmare. This morning she gave me the most loving look after having a horrid night with her and then she slapped me in the face! It took everything I had to remain calm and explain that hitting hurts and we don't hit and I doubt she heard me becasue she was to busy laughing! Any advice? Explaining and time outs sure don't work. I'm ready to buy an Ezzo book for advice cause Sears isn't working and I hate that guy but i'm getting despite here

Seriously?
Satori is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 21 Old 12-31-2003, 06:59 PM
 
TiredX2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: it appears to be a handbasket
Posts: 19,789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Short answer:
Yes, all 3 year olds are possessed.

Sorry you are having such a hard time, no real advice though

Kay

 

 

TiredX2 is offline  
#3 of 21 Old 12-31-2003, 09:25 PM
 
doulamomvicki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: in a pile of dirty socks
Posts: 909
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am sure I am going to get slammed for this answer but here it goes. Whe our 5 yr old was 3 yrs I was about to call a priest for an exorcism. He would get so mad and have tantrum after tantrum. He would be so angry and talking to him did no good because he wasn't processing what we said. Dh and I began to pick him up, hold him in a tight hug and be very quite. The first few weeks of doing this it took maybe 2-3 minutes to calm him. After that he would calm really quickly. Then we would talk to him in a very quite voice and give him a chance to talk - verbalize what was wrong, say he was sorry or whatever.

Good luck!
doulamomvicki is offline  
 
#4 of 21 Old 12-31-2003, 10:30 PM
 
PurplePixiePooh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Emerging....
Posts: 462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, sweetie ALL three year olds are posessed. Mine is too!

This information has really helped us through it though...
*Be sure that she is eating many small meals throughout the day
*Closely monitor all sugar, red dye and preservatives she ingests
(that sneaky stuff is hidden in things, I tell ya!)
*Provide a place where she can lash out, be obnoxious and get it out of her system (we let her jump on our bed till she is tired and sweaty)

This is a system called the five steps and it is the best by far that we have ever seen or tried:

The Five Steps


The Five Steps are a technique developed by Lisa Kuzara-Seibold, Minister of Early Childhood Education at Word of Grace Church in Mesa, Arizona. I had the amazing opportunity to mentor under her while employed by the Department of Early Childhood Education as a Sunday School Teacher. This example of The Five Steps is an adaptation of what is taught in her training manual.

Step 1: State your request and offer a reason.

Example: "You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up. It is time to leave."

Step 2: Restate your request.

Example: "You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up."

It is helpful to get down on the child's level and touch your child while looking in his eyes to make sure you have his attention.

Step 3: Offer help.

Example: "You are having a hard time stopping your play. Can you stop playing and clean up or do you need my help?"

Whether your child requests help or not respect their wishes. Help is not a punishment, it is help.

Step 4: Help.

Example: "You are not stopping your play. Here, let me help you."

Again, help is not a punishment. It is an acknowledgment that your child is unable to stop on their own. This may be due to a lack of maturity, being tired or hungry, or simply not wanting to stop.

Step 5: The Bear Hug.

Stand behind your child and wrap your arms over her shoulders and across her chest. Hold her arms with your hands if you are concerned about her striking out. Squat down to her level and speak gently in her ear that you are helping her stop herself and that you will let her go when she can stop herself. Gentle pressure on her shoulders can keep her from kicking or attempting to run from you. This is not a punishment. It is providing outside boundaries for a child who lacks internal boundaries.

It takes some time to master, but it does work wonderfully!

What we have been doing with the hitting is I hold her arms at ehr sides and tell her "No hitting it hurts" I am about blue in the face from saying it, but it is finally sinking in!!!

The best book on discipline i have ever read is Biblical Parenting. Even if you are not a Christian there is so much great information in this book, the five steps come from there and there is sooo much more. Look for it on amazon.com or visit the web site http://www.aolff.org/ there is lots there as well.
PurplePixiePooh is offline  
#5 of 21 Old 12-31-2003, 11:00 PM
 
EFmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,800
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, all three year olds suffer from demonic possession. At least mine does.

Of course, sometimes she's positively angelic.

It's no wonder my head spins.
EFmom is offline  
#6 of 21 Old 01-01-2004, 12:32 AM
 
serenetabbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Somewhere with my hands in the dirt
Posts: 4,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I dunno about all 3 y.o's but mine certainly were/are.
I did the same thing as doulamomvicki with DS! It worked so well with him, and I felt better because I was not freaking out. Some people I knew made fun of me for this, but it worked so on them :LOL I am not so confident this will work with my little DS (3 in just a few weeks!)....the girl has some stamina *sigh*

The Tabbie Family; DH , DS , DD , a few :, a couple : and me.
serenetabbie is offline  
#7 of 21 Old 01-01-2004, 02:24 PM
 
KylaKay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Illinois 2 hours south of Chicago
Posts: 68
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
dd will be 3 at the end of March, and I swear the closer we get, the more I sometimes look at her in disbelief, is this the same child? What happened? Her latest thing is not wanting to go anywhere, even places she loves "No I want to stay HERE, right HERE". I don't know why people complained about the "terrible twos", I enjoyed that time, my neighbor told me how much fun 3 would be, now I am living it.
KylaKay is offline  
#8 of 21 Old 01-01-2004, 06:48 PM
 
Nickarolaberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Running away...
Posts: 4,475
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh God, oh God, thank you thank you for posting this issue. I am sitting here at my computer crying because I have been having such a hard time with my 3 year old dd. I feel like we have lost that connection that we had until the summer! We definitely had a hard year last year -- a miscarriage, a twin pregnancy that we lost one twin so the rest of the pregnancy was hard, a move out of state, her grandpa (my dad) being in a bad accident, then the birth of her sister. I have not been as patient as I used to be. And she has been driving me NUTS I TELL YA!

She doesn't want to go anywhere, even places she loves also. Add this to general whiny and dare I say, sometimes downright bratty behavior and it;s enough to make me wonder if somehow I have not done my job? I set firm limits, I try to be empathetic and patient, we try not to yell, never ever hit, she was breastfed forever, still co-sleeps sometimes, etc. etc.

She needs to be worn more than her baby sister! But, and this is what scares me, I get so angry with her. The baby is as easy going as first dd was high need, she waits patiently, rarely fusses, and would be easily ignored if we weren't careful. Gabriella is still so high need and I get so mad at her for it sometimes, especially when she has sapped my every energy and the baby just waits for me to be done, what guilt!

Jeesh, just venting here. We had a doozer of a tantrum this afternoon (she's sleeping now). She wanted me to carry her in; I had the baby and couldn't manage it. I walked down the hall to our apt., opened the door, put the baby down and went back into the hall to get her. She's standing there sobbing and shaking, saying to herself, "now I don't have anybody, what should I do?" God it was heartbraking.

I try to remember "this too shall pass." But it is so trying! And they can be so incredibly wonderful and amazing and fun too, it's like the bad moments just hit you right between the eyes...

 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

Nickarolaberry is offline  
#9 of 21 Old 01-01-2004, 07:32 PM
Liz
 
Liz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,346
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by KylaKay
Her latest thing is not wanting to go anywhere, even places she loves "No I want to stay HERE, right HERE".
Oh my goodness, this is my son! He doesn't want to leave the house EVER! I am so glad to hear others mention this (GabysIma too!). My son is 3.5 and is still possessed at times but just this last weekend dh and I couldn't help noticing that he seemed to be possessed by an incredibly cheerful demon. He was over the top happy and helpful and polite - it was weird but wonderful!
Liz is offline  
#10 of 21 Old 01-01-2004, 09:57 PM
 
doulamomvicki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: in a pile of dirty socks
Posts: 909
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hmmm. Maybe 3yr olds are not possessed but are all slightly bipolar?:LOL
doulamomvicki is offline  
#11 of 21 Old 01-02-2004, 05:37 AM
 
TiredX2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: it appears to be a handbasket
Posts: 19,789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
slightly
:LOL

 

 

TiredX2 is offline  
#12 of 21 Old 01-02-2004, 11:31 PM
 
Victorian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 2,715
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have a saying around here "we need an old priest and a young priest"

:LOL

Victorian
Victorian is offline  
#13 of 21 Old 01-03-2004, 02:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
Satori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Earth, I think, kids say Cybertron
Posts: 7,814
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 21 Post(s)
Thank you everyone! Its so nice to know i'm not the only one going though this. At least now I dont feel like the worlds worst mother. Yesterday we had a really great day, today.... lets just say i'm glad she's sleeping now

Seriously?
Satori is offline  
#14 of 21 Old 01-05-2004, 04:31 PM
 
jannan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: san francisco
Posts: 2,285
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
3 year olds are a pain in the you - know -where. dd was. one year i vacationed in Nicaragua with her , my mom , my 1 year old niece and my sister. she was a royal brat. i remember one incident in Managua. it was hot and dusty and my mom,dd and i were in a cab and in the middle of the ride dd insists on changing spots with my mom because she wanted to. this nagging and insisting went on until we got to where we were going... and that was about 45 minutes away.do you believe it?i think a lot of the difficult behavior is really age appropriate. In fact, i know very few pleasant 3 year olds. also their bodies are going through transitions both cognitive and intellectual. they are leaving the toddler stage and going to the pre-school age.
jannan is offline  
#15 of 21 Old 01-23-2004, 07:30 AM
 
lula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: currently you mean?
Posts: 1,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh thank God more kids are like this! I seriously thought I was going completely insane. (I know for sure my daughter is ) She will be 3 the begining of April but the last month I do not even know where my daughter is. She is spirited but has taken it up a notch and added irrational spurts of screaming, tantruming, hitting, blatant disregard for anything I say even if it is merely a pleasant comment, and frankly utter chaos. Maybe she is hitting three early as she has kind of been early on a lot of the so called "stages." It seems more intense then the "terrible twos" people speak of the getting into stuff, no's etc. This does end right?
lula is offline  
#16 of 21 Old 01-23-2004, 05:54 PM
 
shantimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 11,379
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 83 Post(s)
Yes! Yes! Yes!

I birthed three beautiful, delightful babies, had three charming toddlers and now have three wonderful children - but when each of them was three I spent a lot of my time pulling out my hair and saying "How much longer until bedtime?"

It is so hard, and it does pass, but it may break your heart a little in the process. It seemed to me like 3's need to break the connection to mama somewhat (and at the same time are terrified of that) and then they reconnect when they are 4 in a strong beautiful way.

I wonder if three's are any easier for non-AP parents? Do we feel it so keenly because we are so attached and have usually had such a good first 3 years? Do other parents experience their little ones this way from birth onwards? I don't know, I'm just wondering.
shantimama is offline  
#17 of 21 Old 01-23-2004, 11:51 PM
 
Embee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 2,086
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Two was a breeze. I spent the whole time waiting for the "terrible" to happen only to realize I enjoyed 99% of the whole darned year. More and more, I hear parents saying that two was not the big bad people make it out to be, but that three is the rough one. DS turned three a couple of weeks ago and I can already feel something bubbling under the surface... can't put my finger on it, but it's there. Waiting. This intensity has risen in him like none I've seen before. And frankly, after reading this thread, I'm starting to feel a little nervous!

I read some developmental information on 3 year olds before DS turned 3 (can't recommend the book for advice, but the developmental information was helpful). It did indeed indicate that there is a HUGE developmental leap to be made at this age--moving on from babyhood, and a huge increase in the cognitive functions, often times at the temporary expense of the motor funtions. DS has been having so many more accidents lately and he was always steady as a rock. Also, the accidents really upset him whereas before, he'd barely notice and just move on. In particular, they mentioned that the mom / child relationship at this age can be extremely tough. Child needing to break away some, but also needing to stay close, a constant inner battle.

So, I'm trying to keep all this in mind. Also, reread (for the umteenth time), the Empathy and Stressed Out Kids chapters of Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles. Breathe in, breathe out... stay calm. Not always easy.

Shantimama - I've wondered the very same thing. Also, as to why the "terrible twos" ever came into being? I've mused that the terrible twos came to fame through mainstream parents who were expecting way to much of their two years olds. I'm wondering if 3 on the other hand is the more accurate "difficult" age... mainstream kids were "broken" by then so 3 was actually easier than 2. I admit, some of this thinking comes from my own background.

Em 43 - Wife to hubby Mom to DS born: Jan. '01
Embee is offline  
#18 of 21 Old 01-24-2004, 12:37 AM
 
gossamer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Houston
Posts: 3,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yup!
Gossamer

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you. That is the miracle of life. ~Maureen Hawkins~
gossamer is offline  
#19 of 21 Old 01-24-2004, 10:26 PM
 
zvillemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Indiana
Posts: 61
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We are vigilent about diet here... little to no sugar. It amazes me the difference in DDs behavior when she has too much sweet stuff. It truly is like she has been possessed. We have also added a part to the end of our day that seems to give her another opportunity to articulate her feelings. I ask her what made her sad and what made her happy. She is blowing my socks off with the depth and thoughtfulness of her responses. Then she asks me the same question. I try to be honest and answer her with the same fullness that she offered to me. Her feedback to the things that make me sad rival any adult's empathy.
zvillemama is offline  
#20 of 21 Old 01-25-2004, 12:23 AM
 
ilovebeingamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Michigan
Posts: 473
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My ds just turned three and I haven't seen these problems yet. Our hard year was between the age of 1 and 2. I thought those to be the "terrible two's", mainly because he was so adventurous and had no fear, so I constantly needed to spot him. He would climb to the top of our swingset in less than a minute. And transitions were very, very hard. Left many playgroups with him screaming. We went to a Montessori parent infant class, and I think that really saved us. I can't pin point it, but tI think that it turned my viewpoint of his behavior from annoying to seeing him as an intense, curious human who was learning non stop.

Ds is big for his age and very verbal, so I think that helps when we run into conflicts. There are definitely periods where he objects to everything, and then suddenly we realize, hey today went pretty easy! I guess, even though he can be a challenge, I definitely think (for me) this age is easier to deal with.

I guess my "vote" is for child temperment rather than ap vs. non ap parenting, although I am sure ap helps!
ilovebeingamom is offline  
#21 of 21 Old 01-25-2004, 09:17 PM
 
boobykinmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Northern Arizona
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, yes yes! Meltdowns, moodswings, not wanting to go places, hitting and kicking, demanding, etc, etc. DS is 3 years, 9 months, and we're seeing some signs of maturing, but this has been our most challenging year with him yet. His sister arrived in Feb, which made things even more challenging. Lately he's been wanting to play with her and he's calming down overall, but he still has his moments! Many people, and "experts" say 3 years is an ideal separation between siblings, but sometimes I think either 2 years or 4 years separation would make things easier--not that I have any regrets. Like many of the other posters, we didn't experience the "terrible" twos. That was a pretty easy year, for the most part. I think the thing about huge cognitive, emotional, and other changes going on make a lot of sense. And he has many wonderful, sweet, funny moments, as they all do.



Good luck, mamas of possesed 3 year olds! hang in there!
boobykinmamma is offline  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 7,670

9 members and 7,661 guests
Castrotalicia , cnhonest , FuzzyOtter , jamesmorrow , jaye , moominmamma , NaturallyKait , Springshowers , zebra15
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.