my mother cut my ds's hair - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yesterday my mother cut ds's hair (hes 4). She was babysitting the kids and did it without even asking!! Just his sideburns but it looks awful. Needless to say we got into a huge arguement over it...

Am I wrong for being upset?


(update post #37)

Mom to Ds1 (8 1/2) Ds2 (6) Dd (2 1/2)!!!!
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#2 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 11:33 AM
 
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no you are not wrong to be upset. i would be livid if someone cut my kids hair without asking me.

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#3 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 11:46 AM
 
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I would be very upset. One day when my ds was about 1 yo I was going out with a friend and as we left he casually mentioned that he was going to trim ds hair. I freaked. If dh did it I would have still been upset but at least it would have been a parental decision. That said whats done is done, I hope it grows quickly! She should apologize and let you know she won't do it again with out permission.
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#4 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 12:08 PM
 
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Did she know that was something she shouldn't have done? Even if she didn't, that's not one of the things I'd do without asking the parents. But I do have some friends who honestly don't care and their kids get haircuts by their grandparents fairly often.

My parents/inlaws would never, but we've made it perfectly clear that we do not want our son's hair cut (he's almost 3 and hasn't had a haircut yet, so we hear about it alot). My mother would love to take him for a cut, but she wouldn't because of how I feel about it.
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#5 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 02:19 PM
 
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Did she ask your ds?
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#6 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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Yep, that crosses a line. She should know that.
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#7 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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It's happened to me and I was livid.

It's a family tradition to leave a baby's hair alone until the baby's a year old. My XH didn't like it because it thought it would turn DS into a sissy - how long can a baby's hair get in the first year of it's life, it's not like he could sit on it. He waited until the day after his birthday and then took a pair of clippers to him. He shaved him almost completely bald!

Foolishly, two months later, I allowed him an hour unsupervised in town (we were seperated and I was waiting in a cafe for them). DS came back with his ear pierced. Because that's not efeminate at all!

He has never been allowed unsupervised access again!

The only other time that DS has had his haircut without my position is when my mother came to stay during the birth of DD. She took it upon herself to cut his almost shoulder-length, thick, wavy hair into an awful putting bowl shape. I was horrified. C-section or no c-section, I took him to the barbers that afternoon. Letting him have a mohecan soon stopped his tears nad wound my mother up for good measure!
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#8 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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I would be beyond livid!

Carrie, mom to Johnathan (7-02), Brodie (2-04), Kate (12-06), Jordan (9-08), (4-09) & Maggie (3-10)
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#9 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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: OH....MY....GOODNESS......

I would absolutely be so mad that I would not know what to do....

Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
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#10 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 03:32 PM
 
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#11 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 03:50 PM
 
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I would be livid. Did she have anything she thought was a good reason?
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#12 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 04:17 PM
 
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You certainly deserve to be upset but you probably shouldn't have gotten into an arguement unless she did it specifically to upset you or if you have a relgious reason for not cutting it and she knew about it.

She probably thought that she was doing you a favor. If it wasn't malicious apologize for your overreaction and get on with your life. It will grow back!

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#13 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geiamama View Post
Foolishly, two months later, I allowed him an hour unsupervised in town (we were seperated and I was waiting in a cafe for them). DS came back with his ear pierced. Because that's not efeminate at all!

He has never been allowed unsupervised access again!
OT here but you seriously have not allowed your son and his father any unsupervised visits because he had you DS's ear pierced? While I understand how that could be upsetting your reaction seems a bit extreme.
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#14 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 04:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Megan~ View Post
You certainly deserve to be upset but you probably shouldn't have gotten into an arguement unless she did it specifically to upset you or if you have a relgious reason for not cutting it and she knew about it.

She probably thought that she was doing you a favor. If it wasn't malicious apologize for your overreaction and get on with your life. It will grow back!

I agree - I doubt she did this to upset you. I would apologize for yelling and then move on - his hair will grow back in no time!
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#15 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Megan~ View Post
You certainly deserve to be upset but you probably shouldn't have gotten into an arguement unless she did it specifically to upset you or if you have a relgious reason for not cutting it and she knew about it.

She probably thought that she was doing you a favor. If it wasn't malicious apologize for your overreaction and get on with your life. It will grow back!
I dunno, I dont' think getting angry over something like that is an over reaction. I think it's clearly overstepping boundaries, and I would think someone getting angry at you might be the natural consequences of doing something like that.
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#16 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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I agree - I doubt she did this to upset you. I would apologize for yelling and then move on - his hair will grow back in no time!

Did the OP say she yelled?
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#17 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 04:43 PM
 
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I would be upset too. You should've had argued, just stated that you were noy happy with what she had doen and left it at that. My Mom won't even cut even with permission.
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#18 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 05:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
OT here but you seriously have not allowed your son and his father any unsupervised visits because he had you DS's ear pierced? While I understand how that could be upsetting your reaction seems a bit extreme.
It was the second time he had seen him since he was born, which added to the first visit totaled two whole hours of interest since finding out I was pregnant, and he was only 14 mths old.
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#19 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 06:37 PM
 
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Well, to be honest, my mom cut DD's bangs when we left her overnight with them this weekend, and I really couldn't care less. I suppose I'd be upset if she'd changed the actual hairstyle, though. Still, unless she has a history of passive-aggressiveness or crossing boundaries, I think I would forgive and move on...

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#20 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 08:03 PM
 
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I would be furious over it. She had no right to do that. You are his mother not her. I dont know what gets into people that makes them feel they can go against a parents wishes. Sounds like something my ex MIL would do.
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#21 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 08:09 PM
 
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I'd be upset. If someone asked, I might agree, but to do it without permission is WAY overstepping.
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#22 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 08:26 PM
 
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I wouldn't feel bad about getting in an argument AT ALL. It may not be a big deal to some people, but I see it as complete disrespect and overstepping the boundaries. Your mother owes you an apology if you haven't yet received one. I have a VERY rocky relationship w/my stepmother, 15 years ago she gave my brother's son (no blood relation to her) his FIRST haircut without asking. My blood boils to think of it, for her to think that she was entitled to do such a thing! I nearly scratched her eyes out when she rolled up my DS's pants cuffs in front of me---people would think that was crazy, but the overstepping of boundaries by some people really gets to me.

I also can't believe that anyone would say a mother is overreacting to her toddler's pierced ear!!!!
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#23 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by geiamama View Post
It was the second time he had seen him since he was born, which added to the first visit totaled two whole hours of interest since finding out I was pregnant, and he was only 14 mths old.
Oh my word! Yep that would be an issue for me too.

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#24 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 08:34 PM
 
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I would be super, super pi$$ed off, but I may be a bit biased. We've been getting the "just a little trim" and "I'll pay for it!" commentary about DD's hair for the past three years. She's four and has never had even a trim. Her hair is down to her butt. It's healthy, shiny, wavy, red and beautiful. She doesn't even have split ends. She doesn't want it cut/trimmed (Yes, we've asked her multiple times). We don't have any reason to want it cut.

For some reason, my mother feels it needs to be "styled" to be "attractive." My MIL thinks it can't possibly be healthy unless we trim an inch off regularly. They both mention it at least once every few weeks.

Neither of them is allowed to watch DD alone (for many unrelated reasons) so this hasn't happened to us. I have absolutely NO DOUBT that either or both would do it if they got a chance though.

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#25 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 08:39 PM
 
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I wouldn't sweat it. It's hair, it will grow back. Definitely not worth getting into an argument. I'd tell my Mom not to do it again without asking me and leave it at that.
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#26 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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Nope. I would have been livid and someone would have gotten cut! :

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#27 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 09:53 PM
 
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My mother in law and I got into that once. My son was growing his hair out and she didn't like it, so she chunked his bangs off at a horrible angle with dull scissors. He told her he was growing it out too, so she totally went against his wishes for his hair because she didn't like it. She mentioned that she had cut it the next day, and when I said "ya, i wasn't real happy about" that she flipped her lid. It was quite a scene with her calling me names and telling me i was a horrible mother for letting him do whatever he wanted to do and she should call cps because i wasn't giving my children any moral guidance whatsoever....

but hey, this is your thread, yes I'd be livid.

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#28 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 10:24 PM
 
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I'm pretty laid back about stuff but that would piss me off. It's totally the type of thing my dad - the controlling parent - would do. Can't see either mom or MIL doing that.

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#29 of 37 Old 04-13-2009, 10:59 PM
 
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I've just read through the responses. I am a very big believer in the hair will grow back theory . But, it is totally wrong for her to cut the child's hair w/out talking it over with the parent first. I too, know grandparents who regularly take the grandchildren to get haircuts. But the parents know about it and don't have a problem with it. It is not the grandparents place to just decide amongst themselves that the grandchild needs a cut.

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#30 of 37 Old 04-14-2009, 12:04 AM
 
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I would be really upset too. How did your son feel about it? I hope that he didn't feel upset about it.

OT a bit but...

A bio-dad who has only seen his kid for a total of two hours the whole 15 months of his child's life, having his ear pierced without talking to the mom first!??? WTF!
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