Three year old stress - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-17-2002, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
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My dd as of late seems very stressed out. I can't pinpoint what exactly it is that is stressing her out...could be that she has moved up with the older children in her daycare and hasn't adjusted; could be that I have been a bit depressed lately (something that I am trying to handle); could be a whole assortment of things.

As of late though she has been seemingly deaf unless you are saying something that she wants to hear; after being completely potty trained and accident free for monthes she is suddenly having daily accidents; and both her dad and I are just having a hard time getting along with her. It seems like ever day is a battle. Maybe this all seems like the normal stuff of 3 yr olds, but she just doesn't seem to be her usual outgoing, happy self these days.

I don't even know where to begin to help her. I have tried to sit her down and talk to her about what is bothering her, but she doesn't have much to say. Any advice? Is this just a phase that children her age go through?
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#2 of 5 Old 04-17-2002, 11:08 PM
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WarriorMama, I see your new to Mothering - Welcome!! I LOVE your name!!!

You're concerned about your dd because she dosn't seem happy. I think that as mothers we're always concerned about that. You also mentioned that you have some depression. You may be worried about her becoming depressed too. I know I've often felt that way, as I too have had my share of depression.

I think your right about what's bothering her. So many things happening around her - the move at daycare and the stress at home can certainly play a roll.

Your doing the right thing by talking to her. You may also want to give her some words to use, like "When your sad I feel...." or "I feel angry when..." Sometimes when a young child has the right words to use to express themselves it empowers them.

Ask yourself what you could do at home to make things calmer? Try to simplify the house, don't worry about keeping things neat and try to spend more time just 'being' like reading or exploring outside. Play music and dance around like a maniac with her (you'll laugh so hard and get some exercise).

I think much of her behavior is normal for her age - but, I don't like the term "it's a phase" because so many people use it to brush of signs that something else could be wrong. Your daugher is lucky to have such a caring mother.
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#3 of 5 Old 04-19-2002, 02:15 PM
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Warriormama - I think no one else has replied because MsMom said it all so well!
I second it all.....
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#4 of 5 Old 06-04-2002, 12:57 PM
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Soleil, my dd, (3ys) has been stressed out as well, and she has developped stuttering as a result. I think I have pinpointed the stressors, and working on them, slowly, I see some progress, she doesn't or hardly stutters when her and I are alone, and when I "eavesdrop" on her playing by herself, she NEVER stutters.
I started a new job about 6mts ago, and the stuttering started about 5 mts ago, until 6mts ago, there was never and rush in the mornings, dd and i would lounge, do whatever, listen to music as we danced, ate, and cleaned, then head out for the, when she wakes up, dh is in a hurry near panic, as he needs to get himself ready and her ready, and fed, and get her to daycare so that he is not late...(i get to work for 6:30, so I'm already gone by then...), so wow, what a difference, and when I get off the night shift, at first, dh and I would argue as I'm telling him to chill out because Soleil isn't used to such crazy mornings, meanwhile she's hearing us argue first thing in the was such an adjustment for all of us, and we are, all, adjusting, dh and i are very conscious of our arguing, and if we know it's about to start, we just kind of each do what we have to,bite our tongs, when it's done, we hug, and it's been avoided, and Soleil is getting used to having to be at daycare, and actually does enjoy it now, tells us about her teachers and her friends...
It just broke my heart, and still does, because the stuttering is still there. But I feel the breakthrough...
Changing environments impact our little ones, and although I believe that change is good, and they do adapt, we just need to remember that they need guidance...and I wasn't doing that at first, I just assumed that she would adapt quickly, poor thing. I feel so bad, but, I feel good that I have caught on...isn't parenting just the biggest life lesson ever?

Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile!

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#5 of 5 Old 06-15-2002, 11:13 AM
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SO I am not Alone! This is the hardest age so far! Kaya skipped right over terrible twos to the turbulent threes! J/K!

But I know how you feel. Lots of battles here! Kaya never follows directions. She also talks back already:
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