Don't get me wrong. My ds does make big messes sometimes. But, no, he has never dumped out his entire toy box and flipped it upside down. It's not just the dumping of the toy box, though. It's the sneakiness about it and lying after the fact even if I don't ask what happened/who did it.
The other thing is that he'll take things that are put away in a box or bin and stack them up somewhere else like he's rearrangined things the way he wants them to be. This usually results in them being stacked in front of the closet door so I can't get to the closet or in the middle of a walkway so I have to clean it up before I can go through a room. If he wants to do that in his house, that's fine. I don't think it's cool to go to someone else's house and rearranged things like that without asking first. I get just as upset with my mother when she comes to my home and decides I don't have the dishes in the correct places and moves them all over my kitchen so I can't find anything.
And, yes, my ds does clean up after himself when he sees me cleaning (most of the time). I don't try to force my ds to clean nor do I expect him to. He's not the one who wants things clean. I do so I see it as my issue/responsibility. I usually just start cleaning. Sometimes I may ask if he will help if it's a really big mess, especially if he wants to do something with me. Most of the time I don't. He usually (and my 2yo, too) will help me once he sees me doing it. They actually fight over who gets to help me clean rather than who has to help me clean.
Let me give you an example of the difference between these two. We have plastic bins in a wooden shelf type system. My ds might take one bin and dump it out because he's looking for something particular that he can't find. This other boy will dump out all the bins so he can use them for something else.
I admire his creativity. I can totally see him being an architect some day if this part of his personality is encouraged (I don't think it is, though). However, I would really appreciate it if he would ask before he does something like that in my home and/or let me know that it has been done. My ds does that for the most part. I think the difference with that comes from this other boy being used to being told, "No," and getting in trouble for doing this sort of thing. Apparently, he's not even allowed to sit on his own bed after his mother makes it.
With the outside hose, I really don't mind at all if they play with it as long as it gets turned off so the water is not just running (because we have to pay for it) and flooding the yard all night long. If they ask, it is usually perfectly fine with me if they play with it. That gives me the chance to remind them to turn it off when they are done and to be aware that I need to check it. My ds knows this. I have told this other boy this many, many times. However, he waits until I'm not paying attention and sneaks and then runs off when there's no need for that. KWIM?
We don't do any structured play. My ds does what he wants (radical unschoolers). He is pretty tame, relatively speaking. My oldest ds and my youngest are both wild ones. My oldest was/is(?) destructive but not in a purposeful way. He was just sort of oblivious to what he did most of the time. My youngest, at just 2, is wild and crazy but, again, not purposefully destructive. This kid does these things in a sneaky way and lies about it.
Another example of his sneakiness and dishonesty. One time the boys asked me if they could go across the street. I told them I couldn't watch them cross the street at that moment but, if they waited until I was done with what I was doing, I would watch them go. This boy tried to get my ds to go downstairs away from me so he could tell him something in secret as he announced that he was going home. I had a good idea what he was doing. He was probably going to tell my ds to tell me they were going to his house and then go across the street anyway. I told them both they could say whatever they needed in front of me. If not, they didn't need to say it and the boy could just go home. He opted not to say anything.
I could go on and on. This has become a novel. Sorry.