Yesterday afternoon around 3:30 my dh, ds (4yo) and I went to a 55th birthday party of a female German physician (Fr. Dr.) who is an aquaintance/friend. She has 4 grown children, and one of them, a SAHM daughter (J) lives with Fr. Dr. - along with J's husband who is from Jordan (but he says his homeland is where Isreal is now (on his map it is still called Palestine) because that is where his grandparents were born before the land became Isreal - you know the story), and their 3 children ages 6, 3 & 9mo. I won't go into the details of the family. The entire afternoon I spent worried and controlling my temper, not because of the political element, but because of the differences in raising of the chldren. One reason was because the 6 yo son (S) kept showing my ds toys and not letting ds play with them (no correction from other adults) correctly saying, "They're mine." Ds would say in a pleading voice, "Share - -you play with it, then I, then you . . ." But the boy would refuse, Ds would play with the stuff when S wasn't playing, and S would hit ds. I step in and tell S that he was too rough and he has to apologize, no way, so I took DS outside and talked with him and hugged him until I calmed down. After a while DS goes back in to play with S. and when he gets enough abuse DS hit S in the back, BIG LOUD crying from S, my ds goes over to S, kisses apologizes without being told. They go outside where the father of S is "watching the children". J, the mother had told them it was ok to play with the matches and candle wax. So 2 older guest-kids (13 & 9), and S (except for mine) were playing with fire . . . and I was labelled an "overly nervous mother". I went back in because it was too much for me and sent my dh out. Later I went out to see what was going on because all the grownups were inside. I was told by S "Get out of here we want to play and you're ruining it for us". Then S & DS get in the Mercedes convertable of the father (they are only recieving social services, suposedly) and listen to music really loud, where I worry about their ears. Ds was in the back window calling me so I'd go to the car and was told by S "Get out and shut the door!" Towards the end, when it was 8pm and no one had eaten yet, S & DS were really hitting each other hard - "rough housing" DS naturally getting the worse of it (he's 2 yrs younger and a little short for his age). DS said he liked it. I felt like I had spent 4 hours holding in my worry and just being stunned by the behavior of S. All the other Aunts Uncles, Grandparents, greatgrandparents were all there and S's behavoir seemed perfectly normal and acceptable to them. I just snapped ds up and said we were getting out of here, to which ds was screaming like crazy. By now he was tired, hungry, half deaf, wound up, he called me all the names in his little nasty vocabulary book (poopy, bad, etc.) said he wanted to kill me, hated me etc. By the time we had gotten to the tram, he had calmed down and I could talk to him. I told him how much it hurt me everytime S hit him, and also when he hit S, we talked a lot. DS went on for a while hating me - and really hating me. I told him I could understand why. I hugged and kissed him as much as I could, and with the distance and getting out of there he began to get back to normal. I took him home, made dinner, and we went to bed. I THANK G_D that we are a family bed family!!!!! All night long ds was restless and even cried, and I could just reach over and touch him and that calmed him down immediately. I, though, as of 5 am this morning couldn't sleep. I feel confused and poisoned. Was I just being overly protective? Is this rough housing just typical boys stuff? Is it OK for 6 yr olds to be playing with fire?
Is there no advice out there? It really is making me wonder about myself.