my son (boy) 3 & friend (girl) 4 pulling pants & underwear down in closet (secretly) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 06-30-2009, 12:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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please help. My neigbor's grandaugther (Skylar 4yrs) and my son (Elijah 3.5yrs) were playing in her room today. She walked in and saw the two of them in Skylar's closet with their pants and underwear down. Thats all she saw before she had them pull them back up.

How should we address this? I'm thankful her grandma has the same idea of not making a big deal about it. Because I believe its normal. But how do we address that its inappropriate and private. Best way to communicate to where they comprehend.

honestly i think television has alot to do with early sexual curiosity. They see things they aren't naturally ready/ mature enough for. We don't watch it very much. But for example even Disney. Everything from the shows on t.v. to the movies like aladdin .. for example the female characters are always seductive PLUS i've seen numerous pauses where you can see porn type subliminal images in select scenes. its sick. don't believe it .. go here... do a little research and form your own opinions. eruptingmind.com

He doesn't watch disney when he's with me. PBS is mostly all he watches. But when he's with his dad he watches whatever his dad has on. (Family Guy is junk & I know Elijah saw too much of that when his dad and I lived together during dinner time when it was a must that he watched it (and in front of a then toddler).
Lots of disney. Even in Madagascar where the old lady beats the mess out of the lion.. (how VIOLENT) .. well he picked up some major punching moves from that movie ever since his dad let him watch it nearly 50 times. (just about everytime he's at his house.)

Another thing.. this is even more serious. I'm cringing typing this. My son has said things in conversation about "licking pee pee's". Where in the world would he come up with something like that?! I have prayed and tried to wrap my brain around this issue for months now. He has said it more than once and I ask a ton of probing questions to make sure he's never been abused in any way by any one. He's been with me nearly everyday literally 95% of his life. I work from home. But when he's with his dad i just don't know. you can never really be so sure you really know what someone is capable of even if they seem nice and harmless.

Is this just little boy stuff. Is he just into "pee pee's and butts" (as he calls them) right now because we've made a bigger deal than we should. We sometimes tell him right after that he shouldn't say that or "don't say that again" etc. In a concerned voice if he's talking ugly around others. So he may like the attention or be testing what we'll do or say which may be why he's said it more times.

Also he still nurses at nap & bed time. (we're CLW.. child led weaning) Could that have something to do with the talking about licking part. maybe some type of confliction between body parts and their purposes if he's seen things on t.v. that could confuse him of that.
Also like when females breasts are portrayed for sexual purposes on t.v. , he wouldn't associate nursing this way would he? (am i making sense? I hope)


Well I hope I can gain some insight and be able way a few options before talking to him about the pulling down his pants with his friend in her closet.


Thank you all for reading and I can't wait to read replys
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#2 of 10 Old 06-30-2009, 01:54 AM
 
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I just wanted to give you at least one reply -- 3 and 4 is definitely the age of a lot of potty talk and interest. DS (5) will go out of his way to check out his sister's parts, and he's been seeing them since she was born. So I think that is normal, healthy curiosity, and not necessarily brought on by outside influences like TV.

The "licking" comment might give me a little pause. Have you ever asked him, "what do you mean by that"?

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#3 of 10 Old 06-30-2009, 09:02 AM
 
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I think children are naturally curious at that age. My DD is 7 and is still curious about things. She is also with me 100% of the time and she is very interested in breasts and how bodies mature. It doesn't bother me that she is curious and I want her to know about her body so I don't hesitate in answering any questions she has and acknowledging her comments.

But the licking comments would probably have me a little concerned. Is it possible your child has witnessed a couple doing something sexual in front of him by accident and remembers it? Kids can walk in on adults. I have two older children and it 'can' happen. Maybe that's where he got it from. or if you aren't around him while he is with his dad maybe his dad has watched something on t.v. or the internet in front of him, not knowing your child has seen it. I know if it has to do with nudity or kissing/hugging that my DD will remember something she sees for a looong time. It's just how she is.

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#4 of 10 Old 06-30-2009, 11:33 AM
 
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Two thoughts: Do you have a dog or is your child around a dog alot? That might be where he got the licking thing from. My DS picked up on that right away (we have three dogs). Especially if he is around an older child (like 5 or 6) that is prone to talking about it as shock value. ("Ewww, that dog just licked his pee-pee")

Second thought: You are right that it is probably nothing, however, my stepfather walked in on my brother asking me to pull my panties down. He never did anything about it and after that incident started about six years of sexual abuse by my brother towards me. My brother was about four at the time. I really hope this doesn't worry you, I just wanted to say it. My case was probably one in a hundred of 99 other children doing the same act innocently. Its just always good to be on the lookout for other acts as well.

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#5 of 10 Old 07-01-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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This doesn't address the whole post but when I was little my brother and I joked about licking pee pees a lot. Not for any reason other than it was the most disgusting (and therefore funniest) thing we could think of in the whole world.

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#6 of 10 Old 07-01-2009, 10:46 PM
 
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Not for any reason other than it was the most disgusting (and therefore funniest) thing we could think of in the whole world.
Yup.

My three year old spent a whole car ride the other day going "There's pee on her head! There's poop on your head! There's poop on your carseat!"

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#7 of 10 Old 07-01-2009, 11:51 PM
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It all sounds very normal to me, both for children who are Disney and TV addicts and for kids who watch no TV at all.

Curiosity about body parts is an absolutely normal, natural part of childhood. In contrast, boundaries surrounding bodies and seeing and touching private parts have to be learned. Three- and four-year-olds are in the process of learning a lot of social rules and expectations, usually by breaking those "rules" and then being guided towards more socially appropriate behavior by adults.

I wouldn't expect a "conversation" about the issue to have much of an impact on a 3-4 year-old. Depending on the child, they may not even remember the incident at this point. It does make sense to start talking about private parts, and boundaries surrounding private parts. It would also be a good idea to keep future play dates in an easily supervised area (living room rather than child's bedroom, for example).
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#8 of 10 Old 07-01-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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I doubt I'd even notice the "licking pee-pees" comment. DS2 (almost 4) is in a real potty mouth phase right now. He talks all the time about pooping on people's heads, or pooping on a chair, and someone sitting in it, or eating poop or any of a gazillion other "poop" things. He also talks about peeing on people and drinking pee and stuff like that. He thinks anything to do with pee and poop is hilarious. If I heard him talk about licking pee-pees, I'd just think it was more of the same. I've heard this kind of thing from almost every kid I've ever known.

Also, if I hadn't heard it that much, I'd still be unlikely to worry about it, if I knew he'd seen Family Guy. Kids pick up a lot of weird crap from that show when they see it.

As for how to address it...I don't think it has to be anything complicated. When we had a similar incident a couple of years ago, I told dd1 and the little boy that was involved that it wasn't appropriate to play that way, and that they shouldn't be touching the privates of anyone but themselves. We had to repeat the conversation the next visit, and had no trouble again.

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#9 of 10 Old 07-01-2009, 11:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by stik View Post
It would also be a good idea to keep future play dates in an easily supervised area (living room rather than child's bedroom, for example).
Oh, yeah - this, too. We kept the two of them where we could see them for at least the next few playdates.

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#10 of 10 Old 07-06-2009, 11:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank YOU ALL soo much for the time you spent to reply.

I felt the same about the "licking" comment being normal especially since he says alot of potty mouth things like Storm Bride mentioned hers saying. He says the same things. Not all the time just when he's in that mood to be silly & he gets a kick out of me say how gross it is to hear him talk like that.

I am just so thankful for MDC's mammas! :

Every reply was very appreciated. Thank YOU
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