I hate my daughter's hair - WWYD? Poll - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: WWYD about my dd's hair?
Try to talk her into cutting it 29 38.16%
Try new products (no fair choosing this without saying what!) 20 26.32%
Let it go and cut out the tangles as necessary 2 2.63%
Chill out mom, it's her hair 19 25.00%
Other, because there's always an other. 6 7.89%
Voters: 76. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate how my dd's hair looks right now. She's grown it 'long' and it constantly looks upkempt and has tangles. She screams bloody murder when I try to get the tangles out. I'm in awe of mothers of girls who have really long hair that is perfectly untangled whenever I see them. I have NO idea how they do it. Dd wakes up every morning looking like a bird nested in the back of her hair.

Before she expressed a firm opinion about her hair, she had a cute little bob that I loved. Here are some 'after' and 'before' pictures. The top pictures are this year and are almost as neat as it ever looks. The bottom pics are last year.

OK, I KNOW it's her hair. I get that she should have autonomy over her body. But I look at my dd and cringe. Daily.

What would you do:
Try to talk her into cutting it so it's easier to deal with and we don't have the "ouch you're hurting me" screaming matches
Try some other products (we've tried conditioner and detangler, but she's got VERY sensitive skin) to get it looking better (if you choose this, please tell me WHAT)
Give up trying to get it detangled and cut out the tangles when necessary.
Medication (for me, not her) so I calm down about it - i.e. chill out mom!
Other, because there's always an other?

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#2 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 07:42 PM
 
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http://www.amazon.com/Garnier-Fructi...944049&sr=8-28

We use this for my son's crazy tangled hair. Put it in right after a bath and brush it out. Then I brush his hair twice a day (if I remember!) and if he lets me, I braid it. He has long, fine hair and it tangles easily.

I wouldn't cut his hair if he didn't want it cut. Good luck

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#3 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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Its not a children's product, but Paul Mitchel Skinny Serum does wonders for keeping my long hair untangled.

Also try braiding it at bedtime

Mom to Kira March 2009
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#4 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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I sympathize. DD's hair is fine and curly. Luckily, she's just three, and I've kept her hair on the shorter side; I "dread" the day when she wants to grow it out.

I would try to convince her to cut it. If she doesn't I'd look for new product (can't recommend any, though, I use Curly Girls stuff), and explain to her that if she doesn't take care of it (or allow you to), then you'll have to cut pieces out. Natural consequences.

Best of luck. I feel your pain!
-e

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#5 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 08:11 PM
 
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I came into this thread hoping I would see advocacy for restraints & against-the-will cutting.

I, too, absolutely hate my daughter's hair. It's coarse and curly & impossible to comb through. She screams when I comb it & it makes us both crazy - yes, the natural consequence of having ratty hair is that you have to have it combed or we get it cut. She opts for screaming while combing.

She runs and screams when I've even talked about getting it cut. My husband tried to convince her & offered to take her to his "stylist."

Nothing.

I seriously want to shave it off while she's sleeping.

I hate it.

Hate.

Wife to my of 10 years, SAHM to my 2 beautiful homebirthed girls Sydney (4/29/2006) Kennedy (3/21/2010) & 1 super Newfoundland
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#6 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 08:47 PM
 
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Well, I don't think a child necessarily has autonomy over their bodies other than what the parents grant. If a hairstyle was causing me personal grief, I'd cut it. Maybe tell her that once it grows out she can try again to take care of it, but if it's too much trouble, it's easier to keep it short.
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#7 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 09:03 PM
 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her she can't have long hair until she's old enough to take care of it herself.
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#8 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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satin pillowcase
don't use detergent shampoo -- wash with conditioner or oil soap
don't allow any chlorine damage
braid it when she'll let you
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#9 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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My mom always told me I could have long hair when I could take care of it myself or sit still for her to take care of it. I have the same rule with my daughter - if she can't sit still, she needs a cut.

A few things that help A LOT -

It is easier to mostly detangle the hair when it is dry. Use a spray and detangle with your hands and brush, a little at a time.

Don't pile it on top of her head when you shampoo (this is pretty obvious, as is the next one, but then I see people doing it and I think ok maybe not as obvious as I thought) or "dry" it with a towel. Shampoo just the roots, and spray more detangler on when it's wet, comb through, then if you must blot dry - do it with something like a tee shirt and just squeeze, don't rub.

Braid before bed! And any other time you can! With my daughter, if she's going to be doing anything besides taking pictures and sitting still, it helps to pull it up into a loose pony, ends tucked under. I pull her "bangs" back into a small pony about midway back on her head, then pull it all into one big pony or bun. Braided ponys are big too.
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#10 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:15 PM
 
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well as someone who has shaved my head, dyed my hair every color you can imagine, had dreads with nuts and bolts sewed into them, extensions, mohawks etc......

becareful what you do to your kids hair when they tell you they don't want you to, because it may come back to bite you in the... when they are old enough to do things on purpose that make you crazy! :
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#11 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:16 PM
 
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DD has naturally curly/wavy hair and I swear it reminds me of a doll's hair - the kind that was impossible to brush and tangled just by being. What has helped immensely with hers is to put conditioner in it during bath or shower and comb it through after a couple minutes, then rinse. The next morning it's easier to brush. If we skip a day I may very well not brush it or just "surface brush" to where it looks presentable. I know I'll get the tangles out that night or the next. I would never, ever force or try to convince my dd to cut it. My mom had authority over my hair for years and I still cringe at my kindergarten pics. It was awful, I felt ugly, it was just bad.
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#12 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:19 PM
 
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Johnsons & Johnsons spray on detangler, its about $3 a bottle and i use about 2 bottles a week for all my kids... its a total life saver.... long hair, short hair, wet hair, dry hair....all kids get 'sprayed' before brushing....
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#13 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:22 PM
 
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At her age, I'd say chill out. My older DD currently wants to grow her hair out. I personally think it looks much more flattering as a bob, but it's her hair. I do have rules for her -- she's nine. She has to brush it twice a day (the only way to keep the tangles out) and she needs to wash and condition it several times a week.

I help her wash it in the shower and we condition it heavily, comb out all the tangles with a wide comb, then rinse the conditioner out. It works. She's reluctant to brush it, so I remind her about the rules. At 9, I'm just not willing for her to look like scraggly, because it's on me, especially at school.

When she was younger though, 3, 4, 5, I didn't fuss about the tangles.

good luck with whatever you decide.

Mom to DD1 (11/1999),  DD2 (07/2003), and DS (11/2012), all born at home and cloth diapered. 

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#14 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:22 PM
 
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Compromise with her and braid it at nighttime. That was the deal in our house (note: I don't have a school-aged child). If I wanted my hair long, I had to have it braided at night and keep it out of my face with clips, pins, pony tails, etc. (I have very curly and often unruly hair).

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#15 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:26 PM
 
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I hope it's OK to jump in here. I totally understand what you are talking about. My DD looks unkept most of the time because her hair looks stringy. UGH. I took her to the salon and the stylist said she just really has a lot of buildup on her hair, probably from swimming. She suggested DD getting a malibu treatment to strip out all of the build-up. I haven't done it yet, since we will still be smimming yet this summer. I will be trying it before we go for the big chop. Good luck to you!

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#16 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:46 PM
 
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I voted for trying new products. My DD hs a cute little bob hair cut she still has tangles in the back of her hair no matter how long it is. I have to wash her hair with a shampoo + conditioner, use a conditioner in the just the back of her hair while she's still in the shower and then once she gets out and I comb her hair I put in a leave-in detangler spray. So she gets 3 things in her hair. It works great. She still wakes up with terrible bedhead in the back but I spray more detangler on before brushing in the morning and that usually helps.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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#17 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her she can't have long hair until she's old enough to take care of it herself.
I agree. At this age she probably won't remember that she was told what to do with her hair once she gets older. If she were already a little older then I wouldn't tell her what to do but if she's still young enough then it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's just hair and it's constantly growing back.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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#18 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 11:03 PM
 
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I'd tell her to comb it or keep it up. Messy hair looks better in a ponytail. I wouldn't make her cut it.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#19 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 11:10 PM
 
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My six year old has hair down to her bottom. It used to be curly but has grown straighter with weight. I braid it every night and use Zero Frizz corrective hair serum on it after it's washed. Any sort of silicone based hair serum can help a lot, but a little goes a long way -- it can look really greasy if I use too much.

We used to have big go arounds about her hair, she would start whining as soon as she even caught a whiff of it being time to comb her hair, no matter how gentle I was. She did not want it cut so (neither did I) so we just kept trying different things to make it more comfortable for all of us.

If you want to try and talk her into cutting it maybe show her some photos of cute hair cuts or try taking her to a hair salon and let a hair stylist try to talk her into a shorter style.
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#20 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 11:32 PM
 
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I voted try new products but I also wanted to vote chill out. I too go through what you are dealing with my DD is almost 4 with fine curly hair. The kids you see with nice hair either have thicker or more manageable hair or have moms who force them to sit threw styling. I guess there may be a third category who like to have the knots combed through??????

I try to let it go and see it as part of DD's charm I also find that combing it in the bath with conditioner in it helps. Try every hair care product until you find the one you like. I actually have very easy hair but growing up hair dressers and my mom always complained about my tangles. Well my mom has very oily hair so we never had conditioner in the house once I started conditioning my hair in my teens no prob in fact today really I can get away without brushing my hair!
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#21 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 11:54 PM
 
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You guys really don't comb your kid's hair? The knots in my daughter's hair get huge & I DO force her to sit there while I comb them out. What do you do when your kid's hair turns into a rat's nest? Maybe my child has especially cranky hair?

The whole hair and hair combing situation is pretty hellacious on both of us, but I'm afraid I'll injure her if I came out with the scissors.

When I have the energy for it I also braid before bed, but it's an equally hellacious feat. Sometimes - no a LOT of times - I just don't want to end the night like that.

Suggestions from people with unruly children with unruly hair?

Wife to my of 10 years, SAHM to my 2 beautiful homebirthed girls Sydney (4/29/2006) Kennedy (3/21/2010) & 1 super Newfoundland
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#22 of 96 Old 08-10-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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I vote for giving her a popsicle or lollipop and climbing into the tub with her, slathering it with Shikai conditioner, then slowly and carefully combing it out.
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#23 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 12:16 AM
 
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I think she looks cute with long hair :

Mommy to our Twin Miracles babygirl.gifbabyboy.gif born on 29/1/12

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#24 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 12:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1growingsprout View Post
Johnsons & Johnsons spray on detangler, its about $3 a bottle and i use about 2 bottles a week for all my kids... its a total life saver.... long hair, short hair, wet hair, dry hair....all kids get 'sprayed' before brushing....
Love this stuff!! My niece, 4.5, is the same way. Her mom lets her keep it down all day and it's in her face and drives me nuts. When I deal with her 'mop' as we call it (DH told her he's going to put her in the bucket and turn her upside down and clean the floor) I let it air dry somewhat, and then I use the detangler. We always discuss a hair style, which usually involves curls but I always want her to have atleast the top part up out of her face. Once I whip out the curling iron, she doesn't care what I do, even if the curls don't last long.
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#25 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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Babymoma's most effective means of keeping her hair (full, but thin individually and very prone to tangles) tangle free over knight is to braid it.

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#26 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 12:55 AM
 
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Are you trimming it regularly? That's always been the best way to keep my hair under control - get rid of split ends, make sure it's healthy - it's much less scraggly that way. I've also heard olive oil is a great conditioning treatment!
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#27 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 02:09 AM
 
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When I was a kid, my mom just didn't understand hair, and could not keep my in order. I had to figure it out on my own. I will go over mistakes mom made, I don't know if you are making the same mistakes, but here they are.

Mom brushed my hair. Brushing damages hair. Damaged hair tangles more easily. Don't brush it, comb it. A nice wide tooth comb like this http://www.amazon.com/Mason-Pearson-...966221&sr=8-20
(the one I actually use is much cheaper, from CVS, but the same design.)

Mom started trying to detangle up at the top. Start at the very ends. Once the bottom two inches are smooth, go up a bit. While working on the bottom, hold onto the hair above, so the roots aren't being tugged.

Mom rinsed our hair after shampooing with bath water. Always rinse with fresh water. The soap left in bath water usually has a high PH which opens the cuticles along the hair shaft causing it to mat. Also, it will leave soap residue on the hair. Having hard water, also effects hair.

She started braids too high on the head, and made them too tight. B/c of this they were uncomfortable. the most comfortable braids to sleep in are a pair of pigtails that start at the bottom of the ears, and it's OK if wisps along the neck and face don't make it into the braid.

Mom used rubberbands not hair elastics. Use wrapped hair elastics only. There really is a big difference, just trust me.

Mom believed in haircuts, but not trims. Getting just a half an inch off the very ends makes things much better. Just b/c she doesn't want a bob, doesn't mean you shouldn't pay for a trip to the hairdresser. Also, don't make each trip a fight to get a bit more than the half inch off, or she won't want to go in for the half inch.

Mom never bothered to shampoo after very chlorinated pools. After swimming in a chlorinated pool, it is very important to wash hair throughly.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
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#28 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 02:20 AM
 
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The issue I have with DD's hair is that it looks stringy at the end of the day. Her hair is so slippery-straight that it's hard to keep things in it.

Few tips to add to the above:

1) I found a hair detangler comb at the drugstore - never saw one like it before (new?) - http://www.goody.com/Products/Collec...ling_Comb.aspx
The pic doesn't do it justice - the teeth are double, and one of the teeth is bent at an angle - I have NO idea how it works, it WORKS (with DRY hair).

2) Don't wet her hair in the shower unless I'm actually washing it with shampoo. I put it in a bun. The water seems to make her hair stringy.

3) Cool blowdry, with dryer pointing DOWN the hair shaft makes the hair scales lay properly and makes hair shiny and full.

4) Soft boar's hair brush - brush underneath as well as the top. This makes the hair less stringy.

5) Since I found this site, we've been doing lots of creative hairstyles which helps: http://hair4myprincess.blogspot.com/



HTH!!!
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#29 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 02:22 AM
 
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i think it looks cute!

when my hair gets the scraggles i use a clear henna on it to make it smoother and easier to deal with. i dunno if you could get a kid to sit through the process(it's kinda fun though, you look like a swamp creature) but there are also hippy shampoos with henna in them.

**-wendy, mama to elu!(8/1/07): **
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#30 of 96 Old 08-11-2009, 02:59 AM
 
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I just convinced my 7yo to get her hair cut short for this very reason. I never would have had it cut against her will, but I told her I thought we should get it cut because she hated to brush it...and whenever I would insist on brushing it she would end up in tears screaming in pain. So, it's to her chin now and stacked a little in the back and it ADORABLE. It's been MUCH easier to deal with.

The stylist did use a product when we went though that had me convinced that she could keep her long hair, but DD still wanted it cut in the end so we went with it. It was a product by Bed Head called "After Party." It says to use it on dry hair to control frizz, but she put a tiny bit on DD's wet hair and it combed right through!

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
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