seriously shy 3.5 year old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 09-21-2009, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
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my dd is really shy in public (not at all at home) and i am starting to feel bad for her. she goes to preschool and comes home happy and says she loves it. but her teacher told me that she doesn't answer anyone when they ask her a question (which i see in other situations all of the time) and dd tells me that she usually just watches the other kids play and plays by herself. i know she loves going to school, but i want her to feel confident enough to participate. i also want her to feel confident enough to talk to her teacher so that her needs are being met. any ideas on how to encourage a shy child?
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#2 of 8 Old 09-21-2009, 10:30 PM
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Are your DD's needs not being met at preschool?

I don't think there's anything wrong with being shy, playing alone, or watching the other kids if that's what she wants to do. Has she expressed to you that she has a lack of confidence, or is it just her way to quietly take things in when she's in an environment like that?

It's one thing to help her if she's unhappy and wishes she could approach other kids, talk to teachers, speak up in front of the group, but if she's not unhappy you don't want to give her the impression that there's something wrong with how she is.

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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#3 of 8 Old 09-22-2009, 10:27 AM
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Sounds like my ds. It is hard for me to understand because I am such an extrovert and he is such an introvert. But he doesn't feel left out playing alone, it is his preference. 99% of the time he will not answer a strangers question of what is your name or how old are you. At his preschool they make signs/charts of what the kids say that day - for example how did the apple taste or what did you do this weekend and all the other kids have a response but not my ds.

I do hope to help him open up a bit and answer basic questions/have basic conversations as he gets older so he doesn't seem rude but right now I'm not stressing about it too much, just trying to let him be.
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#4 of 8 Old 09-22-2009, 12:58 PM
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I was extremely shy, and ds is the same way.

The best thing you can do, imho, is leave her alone to be how she is. Invite her to play, speak, be involved but don't push it.

The more you push the more she will pull away.

My mother was extremely shy so she knew how not to push me and I went on to go to theatre school and get over so many fears by being on stage in front of hundreds

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Raising 2 peanuts. #3 due in June bellyhair.gif

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#5 of 8 Old 09-22-2009, 01:56 PM
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I would read everything on intervert children. Public schools may not be the best place for them to grow and they can feel very overwhlemd and stuck inside a "box" when they are not "in the box" thinkers. I have a husband and a daughter who are both interverts. They tend to be gifted in things like puzzles, math, problem solving and sports. But they need to find their comfort zone when dealing with people.

We decided to homeschool or girls and DH has a huge part in this because this way we can have a more hands on learning and hands on approch to the comfort levels in public. This has helped our daughter become very well rounded. When she was 2-4 we would go to play groups and she would find a tree and sit under it and dig in the dirt and watch other kids. But she would not interact. So we found kids that she loved to interact with (having her younger sister also helped she is a dramatic extrovert! lol )

Parenting interverts is far different than parenting exterverts and the majority of our population is exterverts. I am also an extervert and was totally hit from left field when I had my DD- when she was born I totally didn't get her- I had to learn to see things though her eyes and her mind and how it works.

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
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#6 of 8 Old 09-25-2009, 10:47 AM
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How about building a relationship between your child and at least one other child from class through play dates. My son is really shy, but is very happy to play with friends he knows well. He seems to do best with little kids who are both sweet and slightly bossy - great combo to pull him out of his shell.

When my son is feeling shy, he is NOT comfortable at all. As long as your daughter seems comfortable in the school, I wouldn't worry too much.

Heather, veg*n mama to A (4), S (2),and Shiso the Cat
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#7 of 8 Old 09-27-2009, 03:07 AM
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for the first several months of preschool, my son was chatty with adults but played by himself (almost) all the time. he's a slow-to-warm kid. what helped him socially was getting together weekly with another boy his age. whether it was becoming comfortable with this one boy or just a developmental shift, but he now has two very close friends and plays with most of the kids at his school.
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#8 of 8 Old 09-27-2009, 03:34 AM
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Do you NEED to have your DD in preschool? The shyest 3 year olds that I have known all seemed to do much better after having another year or three at home, socializing in moms clubs and mommy and me activities, with mommy right there to cuddle with, while watching and interacting with others, in the interim.
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