Co-sleeping eight year old..... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 12-16-2009, 05:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I co-slept with all of my children and my older two were able to wean themselves out of the bed. My youngest is now eight and doesn't even seem to be close to wanting me out of the room. I have at least got her to sleep in the bed across the room from mine. So she is in her own bed now but refuses to let me leave the room. If she wakes up and sees I have left she either comes to get me or is upset at me in the morning. When I ask her why she won't sleep without me she says "I hear noises". I have tried to explain to her that it is probably just animals outside, but it doesn't matter to her. I want her to sleep on her own now, but can't handle forcing her esp. when she says she is scared. Any advice?
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#2 of 17 Old 12-16-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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how about her elder siblings? can she sleep with them?

i am v. v. afraid of the dark. still!!!! and i still remember being SCARED at 18.

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#3 of 17 Old 12-16-2009, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She will sleep with her 14 year old sister. The only problem there is, Maddie's (8 year old) bedtime is at 8 o clock and Victoria's (14 year old) bedtime is 9:30.
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#4 of 17 Old 12-16-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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How about a white noise machine to block out the noise? I can't sleep without one and all my kids use one to block out noises that might sound creepy at night.

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#5 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 02:59 AM
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Originally Posted by christina78 View Post
She will sleep with her 14 year old sister. The only problem there is, Maddie's (8 year old) bedtime is at 8 o clock and Victoria's (14 year old) bedtime is 9:30.
So, do you go to bed at 8:00 also? This really does seem extreme. I think the sister solution is the best, maybe she can listen to music or something so that the 1.5 hours isn't too scary. Or, if it is a dark issue, put a nightlight or 3 (or we had a lamp with a 25 watt bulb for our oldest) to ease her mind.

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#6 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 09:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The noise machine is a great idea I will check into it.

Yes, unfortunetly I have to go to bed everynight at 8 which is drives me crazy!
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#7 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 01:53 PM
 
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I simpily could not be asleep as early as my DD is required to be. Not day after day... Don't take this the wrong way and I'm not at all suggesting it is this but are you careful in seeing that her fear in not falling asleep and staying asleep better on her own isn't because of your willingness to take these extreme measures... Like well mommy still does this with me so thats proof being alone is dark and scarry. (does that make any sense?) I know we love cosleeping and while my now 7 yeat old been in her own bed for a number of years now she still will often come back for a bit actually she and I have been cosleeping in the soon to be babies room to avoid DH snoring she still goes to bed at her bedtime (8:30) and I come in when I'm ready ussually after midnight...
I do allow music sometimes a video even at bedtime we do stories songs and kisses I do leave the hall light on and the door cracked open and of course I will come sit lay with her a bit if its really needed but I also did assure her she is fine mommy is near and its okay...

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#8 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 02:09 PM
 
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My 8 yo is no where near ready to sleep alone. It isn't an issue for us because we need a similar amount of sleep. But when he slept more, I'd just bring a book or knitting to bed. He's always needed body contact. He's starting to grow out of it a little but I think it will be a couple more years.

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#9 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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My 8 yo sleeps in our room, but goes to bed before us. We have a tv in that room, and put it on QVC (home shopping). I know that tv keeps some people awake, but it isn't a problem for her, and the familiar voices comfort her and act as "white noise". The programming is tremendously boring, so she isn't tempted to actually watch it. And the glow of the tv acts as a nightlight, so she isn't scared.

In the past, we've tried books on tape or music, but she would be actively listening and wouldn't fall asleep. Also, full light was too much, and a night light was too little. QVC has been working for about 18 months now, lol.
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#10 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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I wanted to respond for 2 reasons:

1) I slept with my mom until I was about 12. I really just wasn't ready to sleep without her at home when I was younger. Oddly, I was totally fine going to an 8 week sleepaway camp 5 hours from home starting at age 8. It was something about being in the room alone that troubled me, so a bunk with other kids was fine. I just don't like sleeping alone (and probably have only done so for about 6 years of my entire life).

2) The QVC story made me laugh because about 10 years ago my husband would travel a bit more frequently and I would use QVC for exactly the same reasons described. The reason I stopped was because one day, and unexpected package showed up at my door. Apparently, I had ordered something around 4am one day and had absolutely no recollection of doing so until the package came and I read the enclosed slip. I must have just picked up the phone while half asleep and placed the order (I memorize my credit card #s so I probably didn't even roll out of bed). We still laugh about it.

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#11 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 07:58 PM
 
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My mom and I shared a room up until I was 17 years old and when I got to sleep on my own it felt weird and I didn't liked it. But that was becuase we lived in a 2 bedroom house and the other room was my grandparents room and I was not going to sleep with them.

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#12 of 17 Old 12-17-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by flitters View Post
2) The QVC story made me laugh because about 10 years ago my husband would travel a bit more frequently and I would use QVC for exactly the same reasons described. The reason I stopped was because one day, and unexpected package showed up at my door. Apparently, I had ordered something around 4am one day and had absolutely no recollection of doing so until the package came and I read the enclosed slip. I must have just picked up the phone while half asleep and placed the order (I memorize my credit card #s so I probably didn't even roll out of bed). We still laugh about it.
Omg, that is so funny.

I wonder how many people are lulled to sleep by the voices of QVC every night?
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#13 of 17 Old 12-18-2009, 01:57 PM
 
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I have been working on this with my son who's almost 5. He does stay asleep if I get up once he's sleeping, but he will not tolerate being alone when awake, and it can seem like forever until he falls asleep, esp. if I'm planning to get up and get things done before I go to sleep! One partial solution has been for him to fall asleep on the couch while I'm working nearby, for instance washing dishes. Then I carry him to bed. An 8-year-old probably is too big to carry, but maybe you could half-wake her just to walk to the bedroom or leave her on the couch and let her come into the bedroom if she wakes in the night.

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#14 of 17 Old 12-18-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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I'm no help. Our 9 YO DS still sleeps with my DH. They like to share body heat on those cold nights. Who likes to sleep alone?? I second the idea of white noise and other stuff like that.

But seriously, you don't need to be chained to a child's sleep patterns. I'd go ape that way.

Maybe a reward chart for staying in bed without fussing, and realizing that you will be in there eventually. Maybe a nice gift at the end of a good month, showing her what a Big Girl she is to let Mommy come to bed when Mommy wants to. She'll still be bedsharing, but you'll get some needed independence.

I don't think much of the sharing with older sister thing. I'd leave THAT can of worms unopened! Or you'll wind up with TWO unhappy kids, a scenario to be avoided at all costs.
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#15 of 17 Old 12-20-2009, 06:30 AM
 
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2) The QVC story made me laugh because about 10 years ago my husband would travel a bit more frequently and I would use QVC for exactly the same reasons described. The reason I stopped was because one day, and unexpected package showed up at my door. Apparently, I had ordered something around 4am one day and had absolutely no recollection of doing so until the package came and I read the enclosed slip. I must have just picked up the phone while half asleep and placed the order (I memorize my credit card #s so I probably didn't even roll out of bed). We still laugh about it.
OMG! Thank-you, I needed that laugh. That's hysterical!

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#16 of 17 Old 12-20-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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I'm originally from PA and have friends who work/have worked for QVC. I'm going to have to pass these stories along to them.
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#17 of 17 Old 12-20-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post
My 8 yo is no where near ready to sleep alone. It isn't an issue for us because we need a similar amount of sleep. But when he slept more, I'd just bring a book or knitting to bed. He's always needed body contact. He's starting to grow out of it a little but I think it will be a couple more years.
Same here with dd. Although, I get up around 5am every morning and she sleeps in until almost 7am. For the most part, it has worked out O.K. I think she's still a ways from wanting to sleep by herself. She'll be 8 in Feb. Right now we are working on her going to bed (in our bed) by herself with someone in the next room and she is allowed to ask that person to check on her. It's a slow process, but as a child I remember being very afraid of the dark and my fears never being taken seriously. The very people who were supposed to "protect" me, made me feel stupid for wanting company in the dark. Yet, they had company in the dark. I swore I would never do that to my children. (Or child, as the case is.)
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