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Old 01-30-2010, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Admittedly, I'm not much of a girly-girl at all. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my BIL's wedding this summer, and DD is a flowergirl (one of two - the other flowergirl is the bride's cousin's daughter).

The bride mentioned today that the makeup artist she has coming to the house will likely do my DD's makeup for free. I'm normally very laidback, go-with-the-slow type, but something about this got my back up. Make up? For a 3 year old? Really? Really? Something about this suggestion riled me up a bit and I said, "No one will be putting makeup on DD." Out of character for me, but what can i say? Mama bear emerged.

Am I out to lunch? Is it normal for flowergirls to wear make-up? i don't want to be a "difficult" bridal party member, but I'm already regretting agreeing to be a part of this. I was going to get someone to come to my house and do my and DD's hair, but I guess we're expected to go to the bride's house and all get ready together. My nightmare! Like i said, i'm not much into the girly stuff.

And another random Q - what should a little flowergirl wear on her feet? My DD has never worn dress shoes. i bought her a pair once and she said they hurt her feet (they were cute ruby slippers like Dorothy's). I want her to be comfortable for the day. I don't really want to waste money on dress shoes she'll never wear again. Would little white sneakers be horrible? Her dress is white and blue (and cost almost as much as mine!!!).

Sorry - this turned into a bit of a rant.

Mama to Sunshine (9/06), the Duke (4/09), and little chickadee (9/12).
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Old 01-30-2010, 06:49 PM
 
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I'm totally with you on the no-makeup stance. My dd was a flower girl at SIL's wedding when she was just shy of 3 and there was never any question of make-up.

As for shoes, she wore (and loved!) silver ballet-slipper type shoes. I'd be okay with any shoes that dd found comfortable and that didn't have heels. Even if they are stiffer than what I'd normally have her wear, for the few hours that she'd be wearing them, it wouldn't matter too much.

Does the bride realize that your dd may or may not cooperate? My dd's flower girl experience was a good one because SIL basically didn't care -- she liked the idea of having her nieces involved, but flower distribution and later sitting still quietly wasn't important to her. Which was good, because neither happened. My first thought is that a bride who wants 3 year olds to wear make-up may not have the necessary attitude/flexibility.

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Old 01-30-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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I'm in the "why is everyone in such a hurry for little girls to grow up" camp. My dd was a flowergirl last year and I was aghast at some of the dress and shoe offerings in her size.

As for the shoes, I would get her a pair of dress shoes that feel comfortable to her.

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Old 01-30-2010, 08:33 PM
 
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My DD was a flower girl when she was 3 and didn't wear makeup (that I can remember). She did have her hair done and glittered by the hairdressers that did our hair (I was also a bridesmaid).

She wore dress shoes, but I don't see why you couldn't do something like ballet slippers if they looked cute.

and yeah, her dress was almost as much as mine! She tore it during the wedding, so I was a bit annoyed with the cost since I couldn't even resell it or have her wear it again.

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Old 01-30-2010, 08:43 PM
 
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Maybe they think it needs to be done for photos? I know when I got married I redid my makeup because they put a rediculous amount on and said it was needed for photos to look natural....lol I told them I wanted my groom to recognize me....

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Old 01-30-2010, 08:45 PM
 
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Yeah, i would say no make up. Will your DD wear sandals?
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Old 01-30-2010, 08:46 PM
 
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Never heard of a flower girl wearing makeup. I wouldn't feel bad at all about declining that. No need to go overboard - a simple "she is too young for makeup, thanks anyway" will do.

As to shoes - no, you cannot put her in white tennis shoes! She could wear basically any type of flat, white dress shoe (or possibly black - what color shoes are the bridesmaids wearing and are their dresses the same colors as your dd's?) or maybe a brand new, very clean, white pair of ballet slippers. I'd run the ballet slipper idea past the bride though.

I think it would be nice to ask how the bride wants dd's hair done that day - up, down and curled, ? Maybe practice one day and ask bride if that works for her?

I don't remember caring how my flower girls wore their hair, and I certainly didn't ask their moms to put makeup on them (they were perfectly darling just the way they were). But I'd have blown a gasket if one of them showed up in tennis shoes...

And I am not a super girly-girl either - but it isn't about you or me, it is about the bride. If she wants the flower girls in dress shoes with curled hair, then just do it. It is just a part of one day. I think you can decline makeup, but otherwise I'd go along with the bride's wishes.
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Old 01-30-2010, 08:47 PM
 
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I'd just ask the bride I guess. I would have wanted my flower girl smiling and cooperative, and if that meant white sneakers, I would have been perfectly happy with that.
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Old 01-30-2010, 08:59 PM
 
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No to the makeup, obviously. My flower girl was ten and she didn't wear makeup. She looks just fine in the pictures.

If the bride hasn't said anything about shoes, get ballet slippers or just find the most comfortable best looking white dress shoe you can. There are TONS of options.

You're a bridesmaid and if the expectation is that you all get dressed together, just put your happy face on and do it. It's something that can be fun, but it's weird that for some people it's a requirement. Then again, I think it's weird to make your grown up friends wear matching prom so what do I know?
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Old 01-30-2010, 09:06 PM
 
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I don't think a flower girl that young needs make-up, but I think gently declining or using a little humour is the best way to deal with the bride's assumption that a 3 y.o. would wear make-up. Maybe the other flower girl really wants to wear make-up, and the bride is just trying to make sure everyone is included? Unless perhaps you are dealing with a bridezilla and there have been ongoing issues that are making you unhappy, so a mama bear response was needed.

For the shoes, I think the ballet slippers are a cute idea. If not, you should be able to find a nice pair of white sandals. I don't think tennis shoes are a good choice.

I think if someone has agreed to be in a wedding party, they agree to abide by the preferences of the bride and groom for clothes etc. - within reason. It also takes a certain tolerance and sense of humour for some bridal hysterics. It would be nice if brides didn't get carried away with the whole event - and many don't. Some do though. If that's the situation, and it's really too aggravating to be a part of it, it's best to decline when the bride asks, rather than participate unhappily.
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Old 01-30-2010, 11:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the BTDT advice mamas.

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Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
Never heard of a flower girl wearing makeup. I wouldn't feel bad at all about declining that. No need to go overboard - a simple "she is too young for makeup, thanks anyway" will do.

As to shoes - no, you cannot put her in white tennis shoes! She could wear basically any type of flat, white dress shoe (or possibly black - what color shoes are the bridesmaids wearing and are their dresses the same colors as your dd's?) or maybe a brand new, very clean, white pair of ballet slippers. I'd run the ballet slipper idea past the bride though.

I think it would be nice to ask how the bride wants dd's hair done that day - up, down and curled, ? Maybe practice one day and ask bride if that works for her?

I don't remember caring how my flower girls wore their hair, and I certainly didn't ask their moms to put makeup on them (they were perfectly darling just the way they were). But I'd have blown a gasket if one of them showed up in tennis shoes...

And I am not a super girly-girl either - but it isn't about you or me, it is about the bride. If she wants the flower girls in dress shoes with curled hair, then just do it. It is just a part of one day. I think you can decline makeup, but otherwise I'd go along with the bride's wishes.
I was actually thinking of some of the Mary Jane style sneaks, something like:

http://www.zappos.com/product/7624361/color/559

but I like the ballet slipper suggestion too. I was thinking I'd have to get her little heeled shoes or something like that, but I see now that there's lots of little sandals or even white Mary Janes (non sneaker-type) that would do. I haven't shopped for dressy footwear for DD ever, so I didn't have much clue what was out there.

I agree with you about it not being about me. After I posted I talked to DH about it a bit and decided that, like you say, it's just one day so I'll go with the flow.

Mama to Sunshine (9/06), the Duke (4/09), and little chickadee (9/12).
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Old 01-30-2010, 11:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post
I don't think a flower girl that young needs make-up, but I think gently declining or using a little humour is the best way to deal with the bride's assumption that a 3 y.o. would wear make-up. Maybe the other flower girl really wants to wear make-up, and the bride is just trying to make sure everyone is included? Unless perhaps you are dealing with a bridezilla and there have been ongoing issues that are making you unhappy, so a mama bear response was needed.

For the shoes, I think the ballet slippers are a cute idea. If not, you should be able to find a nice pair of white sandals. I don't think tennis shoes are a good choice.

I think if someone has agreed to be in a wedding party, they agree to abide by the preferences of the bride and groom for clothes etc. - within reason. It also takes a certain tolerance and sense of humour for some bridal hysterics. It would be nice if brides didn't get carried away with the whole event - and many don't. Some do though. If that's the situation, and it's really too aggravating to be a part of it, it's best to decline when the bride asks, rather than participate unhappily.
Well, the other girl is 4 and I find her mom really pushes the whole "princess" thing. So you're right, maybe the 4-year old is hoping to wear makeup? It's just not something that's was ever on my radar (until now). The bride doesn't have kids so I think it might just have been a sort of clueless comment. I don't know.

Like I said, I'm pretty laidback so even though some of this stuff is a bit annoying, I'll still be able to participate happily and have fun. I might complain to my husband a bit, but other than that, I keep it to myself.

Mama to Sunshine (9/06), the Duke (4/09), and little chickadee (9/12).
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Old 01-30-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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going along with previous posters, i'd smile and graciously decline the makeup. maybe let her wear some lip gloss if she likes and you are ok with it. like you said, the bride doesn't have kids and probably has no idea what she was saying. it won't be a big deal if you are calm and happy about your decision. as far as shoes, when my 7 yr old dd was the flower girl in my BIL's wedding, she wore a pair of blush pink ballet slippers. we tried to find her a pair of dress shoes, but she has long narrow feet, and nothing was remotely comfortable. the slippers were precious, and went perfectly with her dress.
good luck, i hope it turns out to be fun for you guys

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Old 01-30-2010, 11:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, I meant to shamelessly add a pic of DD earlier. I don't think the bride has to worry about curls, since DD has a headful. I'm not really sure what to do with her hair either - we tend to "comb and go." I guess i'll definitely have to figure out what the bride wants!

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Old 01-31-2010, 01:22 AM
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My flower girl wore the same dress her mother wore when she was the flower girl in my mother's wedding. I didn't specify anything else about her appearance and I'm sure she didn't wear make-up. I think she wore black patent mary janes. I told everyone ahead of time that if she decided not to go down the aisle the day of the wedding that was fine. We put her grandfather (a person she really liked) up in the first aisle and told her to go to him. Worked fine.

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Old 01-31-2010, 01:44 AM
 
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My dd has been in two weddings, one at 2.5 and one at 3.5 (that one went MUCH better!). For the first wedding we picked out some pretty ballet style flats and then she refused to wear them and would only wear her Dora sneakers. For the second wedding the entire bridal party wore converse sneakers so it was a very cool thing for her to have her own matching pair.

Also, no make-up for us either. We combed her hair and put in a pretty headband and called it good.

The dress she wore for the first wedding is still in perfect condition in the closet, the second dress she tore up playing with the ringer bearer after the wedding.

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Old 01-31-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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I ended up with 2 flower girls at my wedding. They were 3 and 5. The 5yo couldn't have cared less about the hair/makeup stuff in anyway. Her mom did her hair and she didn't wear any makeup.

The 3yo was another story. She got really into the pretty dress and wanted to do everything. She came to the salon with us and the hairdresser put her hair into a pony tail with a tiny bit of curls. Her mom did a TINY amount of makeup, just a light blush sweep and some lip gloss. She was in 7th heaven.
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Old 01-31-2010, 05:14 AM
 
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You might be surprised and discover that your DD will really want to have makeup just like everyone else. When she sees all the bridesmaids getting done up she may feel left out if she doesn't get some too. My nephew insisted on wearing makeup to my other sister's (not his mom) wedding.

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Old 01-31-2010, 12:56 PM
 
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I would think if they put makeup on a child, it would just be a puff of the powder puff and bit of lip gloss. More for fun than anything else? But, you know the crowd better than I do. I'd say, try to go for the attitude that you want her to have fun, but don't be embarassed to say that you don't want her "heavily made up" when it's time to hair and make up.

My sister was married in August, and my 4 year old was the flower girl. We bought white mary janes with a tiny rhinestone heart on them at payless--I think they were less than $5. DD LOVED the whole getting ready part. She loved being part of the excitement, getting her hair done, was crazy about the maid of honor...she made the wedding really fun! (I've been in about a dozen, so it was fun to see the experience fresh through her eyes.)
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Old 01-31-2010, 03:55 PM
 
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You know you could still get dressed and stuff at your own house like you were orginally planning on doing. When I got married my flowergirl was four and her mom had someone she knew come right to her house and did it there. All the bridesmaids got ready at another house, but I didn't mind that she didn't. You might find she is more relaxed and maybe will even get a rest\ nap in before the wedding itself if you get yours and her hair done at your own house.

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Old 01-31-2010, 07:31 PM
 
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My 2 four year olds will be bridesmaids in my sisters wedding this spring.

They will NOT get make-up, but will get their hair- 'styled' (read washed and blow-dried). More to be include them part of the 'ladies' getting ready than anything fancy. They can wear chapstick if they want, but that is it.

We thought of using white Ked- canvas white- shoes for them and putting fancy ribbon as laces. (I wore keds under my dress at the reception--comfort trumped all). But will also consider white flat ballet type shoes. My sister does not care. They wont show in pics and she wants them to be cooperative and have fun more than be fashionable.

I would go with the flow- as long as you are ok with it, then be calm, but forceful. There is NO NEED for a 4 yr old to wear make-up.
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Old 01-31-2010, 10:50 PM
 
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While you can definitely say now, I don't think light makeup on a 3 year old is horrid. We are not talking about glitz pageant makeup. The makeup artist will not do the little girl just like the grown women. Ideally you would not be sure it was there.

E.g., this flower girl is 5 here and has been with the MUA.

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Old 02-02-2010, 01:31 PM
 
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when dd1 was 4 she was a flowergirl in dh's cousin's wedding and we didn't do the make-up thing with her. personally, i don't think it's necessary for a child...they look beautiful with a natural glow already. for shoes, she wore ballet slippers that were super comfortable. she's not a girly girl either, so this was a perfect choice.

both the girls are going to be in their brother's wedding this april so we are pretty much going with the same idea...ballet slippers..

i'm sure once the wedding is here you all will have fun and will have found the perfect choice in shoes. dd1 felt very special with all the attention she got and is really looking forward to sharing that experience with her sister at ds's wedding...

have fun!

Cat - Mother to Jonathon (1-24-1987) ; Lola (3-24-2003) ; Xiola (9-27-2005) : 8 wks (4-2008) ; 11 1/2 weeks (9-2008); and 7.5 weeks (5-2010) Nana to William (3-27-2009) Blog: AmLo Farms
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Old 02-02-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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My DD loves the white ballet-slipper type dress shoes at Payless Shoes. They look like ballet slippers on the top but have a more comfortable/sturdy sole on the bottem. But they are very soft on her feet. And I love them because they are like $15 or so.

As a former wedding coordinator at our church, may I add some suggestions? All of these might be perfectly "well, DUH" to you, but I was stunned at the number of mothers-of-flower-girls who didn't think about these things...

* The time before the wedding (dressing, pictures, waiting) can be really long. And boring. Bring toys. More importantly, bring neat snacks and water. I have had more moms yell at me because the church didn't have children's snacks on hand, but we don't and there was nothing I could give her hungry child.

* If you can delay getting into the pretty dress until the last second, do so. Spilled stuff on white fluffy dress = crisis.

* Set realistic expections for your child and cue the bride on what they are and what "plan B" is. Will she stand with you for the entire service? If not, where should she go to sit and with whom? Make sure your DH or someone else who she knows is seated on a aisle and visable when her "job" is done so she can go and sit if necessary. I generally always encouraged brides to have flower girls/ring bearers under age 7 or so go sit rather than stay with the wedding party. What is the plan if she won't walk down the aisle? If she freaks out 1/2 way down? Make sure your caregiver (since you will be with the wedding party, you can't catch these situations) AND any wedding coordinator knows these plans.
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's all great advice, Evan&Anna's Mom. I will definitely take it to heart. Thank you.

Mama to Sunshine (9/06), the Duke (4/09), and little chickadee (9/12).
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