I am having a lot of problems with my 8 year old DS. There are a myriad of issues at play, and quite frankly I'm losing control of the situation, and myself because of them.
He is 8 years old and he still, well, soils himself. We have been taking him to therapy for that, it hasn't seemed to help it all and he has actually gotten worse about it lately. The school counselor sees him for his problems at school; unwillingness to do homework, not relating well to peers, soiling himself at school.
There are many anger problems, and a lot of fighting. He has become very violent and aggressive towards me. Telling me he hates me, how I am making his life horrible, he throws things at me, argues with me over everything, is totally unreasonable and unwilling to compromise on ANYTHING. If it is not to his benefit it simple will not work for him and will NOT happen.
There are a lot of issues at play here: I was an incredibly young mother, I gave birth at 15. I was an irresponsible mother for many years, putting my self first. I regret that period of my life.
I was in an auto-pedestrian accident in 2006 that he witnessed, which caused him to totally regress in his potty training, and ever since has basically gone poop in his pants. After this accident, he left my custody because I was not physically able to take care of him for a very long time.
He lived with my sister, who was a good, stable home. During his time with my sister, he stopped soiling his pants, and flourished. He was only there for a year though. My son's father asked for, and took custody of our son from my sister and had him for two years.
I'm not entirely certain about all of the details of what went on in his home life with his father but, it's pretty obvious to me that his father was not an effective parent. I know that his father treated DS as his 'buddy', there was physical punishment, arguing and generally he lead an unstable lifestyle. DS began to soil himself regularly again there, and though his father denies it, DS will admit to it and adds that his father often just threw his underwear out because he didn't want to wash it.
When DS would come to stay with me, he would have piles and piles of homework that his father couldn't get him to do. Sometimes DS would be so far backed up in his homework that he'd have 30+ (sometimes they were just tiny things, like draw a bug, sometimes whole tests or work sheets) pages to do. It was ridiculous. DS also had a hard time coping with any kind of rule. I know now that is was because his father was VERY lenient in his 'rules'.
I know my son is very likely ADD/ADHD; he has a hard time focusing, easily sidetracked, is totally unable to work unprompted and unmonitored. I feel totally overwhelmed.
DS was recently put on Strattera, and I didn't fill the prescription for a while because I was afraid of putting him on medication. Well, I filled it today and gave it to him. I really never want to give it to him again.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to fight with my son, I just want there to be a happy, harmonious home. It just seems like no matter what I do, I cannot win with him. No matter how gently or firmly I try to ask or address things with him, it always leads to a fight. I can't get him to complete homework, I can't get him to clean and I don't even know how to go about getting him to stop throwing things at me.
I don't know if I need advice. I probably do, I just wanted to ramble and get this out there. I'm just so burnt out. I've been on 100mg of zoloft and to be honest, I may ask my psychiatrist to up the dosage because I cannot cope with things at home.
If you actually read that, thank you. It means a lot to me. It truly does.