almost 8 yo girl, attitude and freakouts.... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 03-18-2010, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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this morning, literally 2 minutes before the bus was to arrive she decided she needed to do her hair in piggy tails and I gave her a chance to do it super quick because I could see she was very attached to it......

well she got frustrated and couldn't do it,,,,she does freak out when she feels rushed at the last minute and we have had this similar issue with the bus happen many times.....

so, she tries to make a run for it.....I grab her and I am trying to carry her down the driveway with her school bag and she is kicking and trying to get away,,,,I am trying to get her on the bus because she loves taking it and complains when i drive her, and I had some things I wanted to do before work this morning......and I got up earlier than I had to to get her on the bus.

she ran into our front yard where I couldn't get to her and the bus went by and while it was at the other end of the street turning around I tried to get dd to get on it and she would not and i waved the bus away again, It was really frustrating

now she is acting like a little diva being super rude and she told me a bunch of crap on the way up the drive way like how she hates me and i am not her mom any more ect...

so what the heck do I do?

Is this normal because it feels like it is not

she has a hard time with transitions and is a passionate girl so it isnt too out of character for her, 9 times out of 10 she is on the bus just fine.

please share with me anything you are thinking on this.............and please be nice, I'm doing the best I can as a mama and I'm sure I could have handled this better.....

thx

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#2 of 7 Old 03-18-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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Hmmm...well, if it were ME, I'd say...

"Well, what happened this morning can't happen again. What do we need to do to prevent it?"

And if I didn't get anything constructive back, I'd say...

"Okay, we know that you struggle with transitions (list examples). Everybody has something that is hard for them, and this is hard for you. So, we need to do some things to help you figure out how to deal with this." Maybe give an example here of something that is hard for you, and what you do to compensate. For me, I must have things in order or I feel very scattered and unprepared. A long time ago I learned to make lists to keep everything organized, and to prep my things the night before so I could be confident they were how they needed to be.

So, maybe the way for her to cope is that there is an exact list of things that must be done the night before, including a point about anything unexpected, like a note from the teacher or something.

Then, another exact list of things in the morning, including decisions about what to wear the next day, how to do hair, etc.

Explain that you want to help her develop good habits for when she is a grown-up, and this is what you have to do for a while to ease her through this hard time. After a while, start to relax just a little. Maybe suggest she'd like to do her hair differently one morning than she selected the night before.

Maybe also start using a timer to cue her in on how long she has.

It also sounds like performing under pressure is difficult for her, so think of ways to teach her HOW to diffuse the pressure, or avoid it all together, if possible. (Changing your hair style 5 minutes before the bus comes doesn't go well for you. So, let me do it, or leave it how it is. You can't handle that stress yet.)

Be gentle. Respect her, and approach her from a place of "this seems to me to be your needs". You want her to get in the habit of evaluating where she is on the "who I want to be" track, and help her get there. Just this morning, I was discussing with my 4yo about how she had acted like the picture studio was playground. Was that how she wanted to people there to remember her? That she didn't know how to respect public property? What could she do differently to leave the impression she'd like to give?

And no. I don't think it's normal. I think she needs some boundaries and some practice controlling herself.

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#3 of 7 Old 03-18-2010, 06:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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things ended being very peaceful with the rest of our morning...

thanks for the ideas Just1More...

I don't agree with you that it is black and white and completely not normal....

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#4 of 7 Old 03-18-2010, 11:01 PM
 
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Sorry if I came off as thinking that there was something "wrong" with your dd. I didn't mean to imply that at all. I meant that this doesn't have to be something you expect as your way of life "because this is normal when they are 8." I don't think it has to be. I think you can help her work through this.

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#5 of 7 Old 03-19-2010, 12:01 AM
 
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My ds is very similar. He is almost 8 and has been very passionate about everything since birth. I'm at my wits end with the attitude and freak outs though.

I'm hoping it is a stage. He has been like this way most of his life but for about a year he calmed down... then my ex and I got divorced and it started all over.

I'm thinking a stricter schedule would be a good idea for him. I hadn't thought about a timer though.

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#6 of 7 Old 03-19-2010, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just1More View Post
Sorry if I came off as thinking that there was something "wrong" with your dd. I didn't mean to imply that at all. I meant that this doesn't have to be something you expect as your way of life "because this is normal when they are 8." I don't think it has to be. I think you can help her work through this.

now that you expand on it, I can see what you are saying, thanks for that...

I had a little talk with her when she came home from school....all I really got out of her was, "I wanted my brush".....

there is something that happens with her sometimes when she feels that pressure and she loses it and I am sensitive and can get overwhelmed myself so I can empathize with her quite a bit.....she did this a lot more in 1st grade and even once when we moved to a new state.......she was 6 and she took off running around there warehouse where we were picking up our stuff.......it was not a safe place for a child and I was very scared and felt such a loss of my parental influence with my child......

something that extreme has only happened once, maybe twice...it wouldn't surprise me if there is an incident I have tucked away somewhere in my mind...

last week there was a morning where at a certain moment I could see she either could flip out or hold it together and get on the bus and she held it together very gracefully so I am thinking it is predominantly a matter of her developing the skills to cope with stressful life situations.

also, she has some trouble with transitions but that is getting a lot better....so mainly its the skills.


I like the timer Idea,,,I need to re read your post and would love to read any strategies anyone else has for this.....

also I wonder if going from 7 to 8 causes some developmental bumps along the road?

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#7 of 7 Old 03-20-2010, 04:24 AM
 
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I don't know what's "normal" and I am having a heck of a time with my soon-to-be 8yo so I'm no help.

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
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