On a scale of one to ten how mad would you be? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How mad would you be?
1 Chill out, it's not big deal 15 9.32%
2 9 5.59%
3 I could see myself doing that if I HAD to so I wouldn't really be too upset 5 3.11%
4 12 7.45%
5 I'd be pretty unhappy but just keep closer tabs on ds 55 34.16%
6 21 13.04%
7 I'd be pretty darned upset, and I'd probably have a firm talk with her mom 26 16.15%
8 8 4.97%
9 5 3.11%
10 I'd be calling CPS. 5 3.11%
Voters: 161. You may not vote on this poll

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#61 of 72 Old 03-22-2010, 04:59 PM
 
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I definitely think there is a difference between outside without direct supervision and inside without an adult in the home. But I can also see how the other mom might not have seen it in the same light. I guess I think its my child's responsibility to know the rules once they are out socializing on their own, not the other parents. So, I would definitely make sure that he understood that no parent home meant he needed to come home or call you at the very least. Given that this seems to be the first time this has happened, I would probably review the rules with him, mention "hey, next time please send him home if you are leaving, and we'd be happy to host your child too" to the mom the next time you saw her, and then let it go. While things could have gone badly, they didn't and so I'd chalk this up to "live and learn".
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#62 of 72 Old 03-22-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesgrandma View Post
If you're so upset about them being alone in the house, why are you not upset about leaving him alone in a park and riding around for 30 minutes at a time? Anything can happen. I would'nt rely on the security as that can fail and how do you know that all the people in the community are ok?
I don't believe a 5 year old should be without a responsible person with him.

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#63 of 72 Old 03-23-2010, 03:08 AM
 
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I would TOTALLY be upset. Situations like that are *exactly* why my kids are allowed to play outside here (where I can see and hear them) but know that they are absolutely NOT to go in anyone's house.

There's no longer any neighbors here I'd let my kid in their house to play. (I did let them go in one neighbor's, but they have moved. )

I'm not *super overprotective* or anything I just live in a neighborhood where, to my knowledge, I'm one of the only SAHM and I just don't have much opportunity to see most of the parents. I have a little problem with my kid going in the houses of people who I don't even know, oh say, their NAME... much less, would they think it's totally OK to do something like this.

I agree, I REMEMBER getting in trouble with a friend in my house when no adults were around and I was older than 5. (nothing serious, we were like 7 and 8 but we decided to microwave some Rice Krispie treats and made a HORRIBLE mess. NOT something I would've done alone...case in point!)

I would just tell the other mom "hey if you are going to leave, send them over here." That way, you know she has left and you are now 'in charge.' (something you may not know if you knew he was at her house and she just sent them back outside.)

I think my rule is going to be that I need to be informed if the kids change location. (like outside to in somebody's house, to back outside, etc.) when we hit old enough that I'm not constantly out there. (I trust DS age 5 plus a few months but not DD who is 3 obviously and the baby.)

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#64 of 72 Old 03-23-2010, 11:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peaceful_mama View Post
I think my rule is going to be that I need to be informed if the kids change location. (like outside to in somebody's house, to back outside, etc.) when we hit old enough that I'm not constantly out there. (I trust DS age 5 plus a few months but not DD who is 3 obviously and the baby.)
This is my rule and DD is 7. It works well. She always lets me know when she is leaving her friend's home and is going outside. That way I can keep an eye on her while she's outside.

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#65 of 72 Old 03-23-2010, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peaceful_mama View Post
I think my rule is going to be that I need to be informed if the kids change location. (like outside to in somebody's house, to back outside, etc.) when we hit old enough that I'm not constantly out there. (I trust DS age 5 plus a few months but not DD who is 3 obviously and the baby.)
That's our rule, too. And when her DD comes here, I give her mom a quick call to let her know she's here (though twice now her mom was not home which was I guess why she came over...which I think is sort of sad, but whatever, I just left a message.)and she calls before she goes home.

Quote:
I would just tell the other mom "hey if you are going to leave, send them over here." That way, you know she has left and you are now 'in charge.' (something you may not know if you knew he was at her house and she just sent them back outside.)
That was pretty much exactly what I said.

PianoJazzgirl, I thought about what you said, that I should mention to her mom or dad that she doesn't like being left home alone...but how in the world do you bring that up if they have obviously been doing it for a while now?

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#66 of 72 Old 03-23-2010, 08:53 PM
 
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I voted 1. they are more safe in the condo than out playing....
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#67 of 72 Old 03-23-2010, 09:16 PM
 
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I think what I'd be really upset about is that the other parents/mother made the decision about my child's safety and my comfort level with 2 5-year-olds being left home alone for any period of time without consulting me.
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#68 of 72 Old 03-28-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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I think he was joking..a little about the little girl demanding popcorn. My kids beg for stuff too, and I make jokes about them "owning me" but it's all in good fun. In my home anyhow.
Did the dad get upset you took his daughter from her home without permission? I would be upset. But that's me..again. Just my 2cents. Even though you did a good thing, the parents could have seen it as a bad thing, kwim?
My youngest is 6..and I'm a total "hover mom" I would not allow him out of my sight for 2 mins! Luckily he has an older bro who keeps him close to him though.

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#69 of 72 Old 03-28-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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What are the cultural norms in Costa Rica about young children and supervision?
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#70 of 72 Old 03-28-2010, 10:43 PM
 
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I let my kids play outside without me being right there the whole time. I live in a safe, family friendly neighborhood, where the kids play outside. Some areas are safe to do this still. I think a lot of the mom's who are posting that they would never let their kids play outside alone also probably live in areas where this just isn't done for one reason or another. My neighborhood has culdesacs and lot's of space for the kids to play, while still being within ear and eye-shot. That being said, if they had gone into a neighbors house I would have been mad that they did not tell me before they went into the house. They know they have to tell me before they do anything besides play right where i can see them and hear them. And if that neighbor left my child alone in their house I would be livid!! I think there is a huge difference between being out in the neighborhood playing where I can check on them, and being in someone's house with the chances of getting into things they just shouldn't be doing...completely out of sight.

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#71 of 72 Old 03-28-2010, 11:12 PM
 
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This thread is making me want popcorn

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#72 of 72 Old 03-29-2010, 12:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post
What are the cultural norms in Costa Rica about young children and supervision?
Well I and the girl's dad are US citizens, her mom is Colombian, and my dh is from Scotland...so...I have no real clue, but from my experience here it's been pretty laid back but always in gated/secured areas. Though even in the open communities kids tend to roam free from 4 and up between houses, it SEEMS to me, and everyone in the area keeps an eye on eachother's kids. But my experience is limited to one suburb of San Jose, a shanty town just a wee fit further out, and one indigenous community in the North west, so I can't really speak for the whole country, as small as it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamacitac View Post
I think he was joking..a little about the little girl demanding popcorn. My kids beg for stuff too, and I make jokes about them "owning me" but it's all in good fun. In my home anyhow.
Did the dad get upset you took his daughter from her home without permission? I would be upset. But that's me..again. Just my 2cents. Even though you did a good thing, the parents could have seen it as a bad thing, kwim?
My youngest is 6..and I'm a total "hover mom" I would not allow him out of my sight for 2 mins! Luckily he has an older bro who keeps him close to him though.
I thought about that, but since I had a pizza in the oven, I didn't want to stay and wait for an unknown period of time, nor did I want to leave a wee girl alone scared/lonely/etc. So I left a note on the door to call when he got home and I apologized right away, and just said " i'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to interfere, she just asked us not to leave her all alone, and it was time for dinner for us, so...I hope that was okay. I didn't know what to do." His response was positively like "All right, cool! Send her back whenever."

I also would have said yes, he must be joking, but I don't think she hears the word "no" much, and not in a "we don't say no, because it's too negative." / GD kind of way, more of "we don't want to deal with the tantrum that might ensue if we do." sort of way. I mean, who am I to judge, but her mom has since come to me to explain what happened, and she said: " I was going to take Maggie to church with me, but she said 'no mommy Benjamin and I will stay here playing alone, you go!' so I knew she was with someone until my husband came home and then, well (heh heh) you came just then and..."

So she was definitely embarassed that she got "caught" or whatever, and felt badly. So I've just really let it go. No harm, no foul. I'm now careful to make sure he's home before 6 when she leaves for church (now I know!), and I have let her know anytime she needs us to keep an eye out for Maggie, and we're able to, we will.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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