So frustrated with 5 year old daughter - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 03-22-2010, 09:40 PM - Thread Starter
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I just don't know where my sweet, thoughtful, polite little girl has gone. She turned 5 in December and it's like a switch was flipped. Suddenly everything is drama, drama, drama and when she doesn't get her way she makes this huge scene and says something snotty. For example, we were in a bookstore the other day on our date night (since I had her little sister I try to do something with just her at least once a week) and she asked if she could get a particular princess book. I said no and that we were just there to browse and hang out. In the past she would have been disappointed and definitely would have begged a bit more before letting it go. Now though, she made a "put out" noise (loud grunt) and loudly said "you NEVER get me ANYTHING princess!" Of course this is not true and she has a princess calendar and princess cd player, etc, etc. I fought the urge to state the obvious and give her the choice to chill out or [insert consequence here].

She just seems "stuck" lately on wanting things to be HER way and she freaks out when they don't go that way. She's not as flexible when it comes to play or even when it comes to how we are going to do every day chores or whatever. She seems more sensitive too to how I react, ie. If she is making a naughty choice and not doing what she's told and then somehow bumps her elbow or falls or whatever and then I don't react wholeheartedly to her "injury" because I'm frustrated that she was making a naughty choice in the first place, she will only fixate on me "not caring" about her pain. "It's like you don't even care that I got hurt!"

I just feel like I have to ask her to do things over and over and over and I'm losing my mind! I always have repercussions for when she doesn't listen but half the time I swear she really was just in her own world.

I know my sweet girl is still in there. She's really loving and kind and SO eloquent. I just have to keep fighting this feeling like I screwed up somewhere. I just want her to be polite yet strong and assertive. Smart and independent. Flexible and creative. And so on...

Anyway, is this normal? Anyone else going through this?

Mama to Maia (12/04), Nora (9/09), Sam (8/12) and Step-mama to Aidan (3/02) and Luci (10/04).

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#2 of 5 Old 03-22-2010, 11:29 PM
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Get used to it My dd "flipped the switch" around that age and we have all adjusted (mostly ) to the new normal. It really does get easier to deal with after awhile. My dd just turned 6 and the attitude and emotional ambivalence sometimes makes me think we are in her teens already. She fights me on a lot and gets frustrated so easily. I have found that the edge goes away somewhat if I spend some time cuddling her every day. They are really stuck between being a big kid and wanting to be little still. My dd said as much in the same breath the other day " I want to be a baby again!" "I can't wait till I grow up!" It's crazy and I have repeatedly googled for childhood hormones but haven't found anything about that. It just seems so hormonal-driven some days.
Hang in there. It's hard to be thrown a curve-ball, just when we think everything is going great!
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#3 of 5 Old 03-23-2010, 11:41 AM
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Ha, ha. This is my world lately with my 5.5ish yo.
Threw me for a loop the first couple of incidences....then I just returned to re-emphasizing the rules/expectations and letting some things go because they were getting too much attention and, thus, multiplying.

He's starting to realize that his new found behaviors just aren't getting him anywhere and he "starting" (fingers crossed that it continues) to return to "normal".
It's a "back to basics" phase...praise the positive, re-emphazise rules/expectations, lateral consequences, etc. You know.
They seem to be learning a new place in life. Trying to see what "powers" they can display while mastering a new phase of independance.

It was a good time for us to reasses our house rules...some rules were outdated and, therefore, creating unwarranted power struggles.

It's not an easy phase....I almost wish for the "terrible twos" again when at the height of my (our) frustration.

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#4 of 5 Old 03-23-2010, 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post
It's crazy and I have repeatedly googled for childhood hormones but haven't found anything about that. It just seems so hormonal-driven some days.
Lol. Scientific evidence or not I wholeheartedly think this has merit!!!!!!!!!!
I don't see how it couldn't! Their little bodies are in a tumultuous upswing and growth has got to throw their hormones for a shwack!

Seems like it happens at 2, 5ish, 8ish, 13ish, etc.

Maybe someone else will come along with supporting documentation...

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#5 of 5 Old 03-24-2010, 10:05 AM
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Right there with you. Dd is 5.5 yrs and the drama, oh where do I begin? The latest accusation is that we "love her brother more and never yell at him it's only her that gets yelled and she didn't want to be born first!" My bff's dd is 15 hours younger than my dd and she is into the eye rolling and tattling phase of this behavior. It's nice to know we are not alone and have each other to chat with.
As far as a solution I take each day at a time and if things get way to dramatic she goes to her room and I go to mine and we both have a time out and then talk about what happened and what should have happened. I speak to her calmly and explain that the "drama" makes me exhausted and when she acts this way and it drains me then I don't have any energy to do fun stuff. Dh has used the exhausting excuse and so far it seems to work better than anything else we have tried.
Good luck, I am right there with you!

 Yoga loving momma to DD Eden Raine 8/04 , DS Brett Edwin 2/08 , DS Brantley Albert 12/12 and wife for more than a decade to Jason .
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