4yo and sexuality - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 03-23-2010, 10:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

I know this sounds strange, and I apologize for that. However, my 4yo dd developed this "habit" and I am not sure what to make out of it and how to deal with it. Whenever we are in the car and she is in her car seat, she rubs herself against the buckle area, if you can follow me. Upon being asked why she does that, she said it felt good. First I thought that maybe she was in need of a bathroom break, then I thought that maybe she did not dry herself well and therefore got some sort of itch going. But her answer left me completely out of thoughts. Anyone here has ran into that? If so, any thoughts on how to deal with it?

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide. Be well

Miriam
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#2 of 13 Old 03-23-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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I don't have a girl, but my friends who do tell me it's TOTALLY NORMAL. From what I understand, they just teach their dds to do it in private.
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#3 of 13 Old 03-24-2010, 01:06 AM
 
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My DD went through a similar phase of masturbating in the carseat a while ago. It got bad, she would do it constantly and we couldn't get her to stop - we were driving and no distractions worked (toys, snacks, etc). On a 3 hour road trip she did it the entire time and ended up with cuts on her thighs from the straps. That was the thing that finally stopped her. It was quite uncomfortable for me and DH though!

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#4 of 13 Old 03-24-2010, 10:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies. For a while she did stop, but lately as she is riding more often on the carseat, rather than on the booster, she is doing it again. Yesterday my dh caught her doing and asked her, to which she said it felt good. I am concerned about her getting hurt or even an infection from doing it, but I am not sure if it would really happen. I guess I will let things take its natural course.

Thanks again. Be well

Miriam
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#5 of 13 Old 03-24-2010, 10:18 AM
 
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My own 4 yo is going through this right now, to be honest we are ignoring it. I talked to her about it (she calls it her dance) and it made things worse in that for a week she was obsessed with doing her dance in the car. Now that we have slacked off talking about it, it seems to be lessening up. I will say though that yes its a tad uncomfortable for us.

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#6 of 13 Old 03-25-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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Yeah, it's normal. Just teach her about why some things are done alone in our room and all should be fine.

If it hurt she would stop, if it starts too hurt she will stop, and honestly, if it caused infections there would be a lot of unhappy females walking around in the world.

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#7 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 03:32 AM
 
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Another vote for totally normal. dd has rarely done it in the car seat, but that's how she often puts herself to sleep. She's done it since I can remember. I've seen several threads in here about this exact subject, with many responses that their dd's have done it too (car seat or otherwise).

I think the most important thing is to make sure you don't shame her when she's doing it. The only time I've really said anything to dd about it is if we were in mixed company and she happened to start doing it, which is rare. I tell her it's something that we do in private/at home only. There are plenty of other things we say are okay to do at home but not in public as well, so I think she understands that well enough. A car seat seems to be fair enough territory as well, imo.

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#8 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 03:34 AM
 
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Totally normal. My oldest DD has done this since she was very young. She has rubbed herself raw doing it too. Finally at 7yo she is finally figuring out that she needs to do this in private...even though we've been telling her for years that it's a private thing. Oddly enough, I've never witnessed her sister doing it.

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#9 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 08:10 AM
 
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This is really normal. I used to rub against stuff and it would"tickle" and feel good. My sister did too. My mom used to forbid us to do it and made it shameful.

My dd1 sometimes does things. Now that she is 3 I have started to explain to her that its fine if she wants to touch her body but its something that we do in private, like going to the bathroom. I ask if she wants some private time in her room. We haven't encountered it in the car yet so I can't help you there, but I just wanted to let you know its normal.

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#10 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 08:16 AM
 
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Totally normal, my DD does it too, though not in the car seat because she's in a 3-point belt now.

I know it's uncomfortable, but try to remember you're looking at it through a filter which knows ALL about sexuality, sex and masturbation. She's totally unaware of all of the connotations both negative and positive, and probably she doesn't understand whatsoever what the big deal is. If scratching her wrist felt good she'd do that, her genitals are just another body part to her right now. A casual "we do that in private" and then ignoring it is probably the best way forward.
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#11 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 12:07 PM
 
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Another totally normal vote! I might have a talk about what is done in private and what isn't, but without compromising her healthy view of herself or making too big of a deal about it. Shame is damaging.

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#12 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 01:13 PM
 
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agree that it's totally normal, most kids do this. my 4 yr old dd does in the bath. i just talk about how that's something that feels good, which is great, but something that we usually do in private. also, there's a really great book on kids and sexuality called "from diapers to dating" that i've found really useful for these types of questions.
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#13 of 13 Old 03-26-2010, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much all for sharing your experiences. I guess I was not prepared for it and caught me a bit too sudden. She is not doing any of that in other places, just the car seat. Indeed, I must agree with all of you, specially about the unhappy females and also about looking at it from a sexual perspective.

Now with a newborn boy, I am sure there will be other types of "surprises" coming in due time. Never a boring moment.

Thanks again. Be well

Miriam
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