Inappropriate request? or totally natural? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-02-2010, 04:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am not a super private person, my dd has seen me naked and I am sure dss has seen me in my bra running for the toilet a few times (morning sickness). My ds's are very open, they really don't care who sees what in the house.. So If I tell my youngest son to get ready for his bath (hes almost 11) He will just whip his clothes off where he is standing and run in the bathroom, totally not shy and not scared about anyone seeing anything.

dh and dss however are SUPER private people. They close and lock the door to use the restroom. dh will go pee if I am in the tub and hes gotta go, but he doesn't go out of his way to be naked at anytime.. He sleeps with a shirt and pj bottoms, he would NEVER go outside in his pjs.. DSS is the same way, he is very private and I totally respect that, he is 12 and totally at the age of body awareness. Almost to a curious fault.. He has admitted to his dad that he "peeked" at me once, and I had no idea.... kinda creepy, but then again I am his stepmom and I am about 15 years younger then his mother, I never mentioned it to him and will never do so. He told dh in confidence and dh told him not to do that.

Now the inappropriate request... My dd is my first daughter, I don't have any other girls, and I grew up with all brothers pretty much.

She has been asking a lot of questions (she is special needs and 5 years old, but in reality she is probably more like a 3 year old). Anyways, she is totally preoccupied with me having another baby for us soon after I am done with my surrogacy.

She has been asking how babies eat, and I have been telling her the truth, breasts make mothers milk and mamas feed their babies with their breasts. She is strongly requesting to "see" the milk come out of the breasts. Now I do have colostrum, and I probably could just squeeze some out to show her, but dh says that would be wrong and some things kids shouldn't look at. Part of me agrees it would be awkward, but part of me is also thinking that IF I have another baby she is going to see it anyways.

I don't know if this is a normal natural question? That I should just show her and end the curiosity, or is dh right, that its an inappropriate request?

thoughts are appreciated!

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-02-2010, 08:09 AM
 
OTMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 4,441
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think its no big deal- breasts make milk, if your dd is curious, why is it any bigger deal to show her where your milk comes from than it would be to take her to a farm and show her a cow being milked? On the other hand, I wouldn't show dss- THAT would be weird.

Said by the homebirthing mom who let the kids be there for the birth and is now tandem nursing- so I may be desensitized on this issue.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
OTMomma is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 08:28 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Natural request for dd,and I would probably show.For dss I would guide him to an appropriate book or online info if he was curious. I am sure my dh never saw milk from a breast until I was feeding our first.It was not an issue for him growing up.

I have a book on babies by Sears....for kids.Will look for it later and see if it is a useful book for your dd. For the dss I would look for body change books giving info on girls and boys.

Like I told dh," Breast are for feeding our babies.Just because they excite you sexually doesn't make them sexual objects that we need to be hush-hush about!"
mattemma04 is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 08:56 AM
 
mntnmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Germany
Posts: 1,780
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sounds normal to me. My kids, 6, 5 and 3 have all been very interested in the physical details of the new baby's birth and feeding.My 3 year old, not nursing for a year now, has been especially interested in what and how the baby eats.

Mom of 4 aspiring midwife "Friend"ly seeker
mntnmom is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 09:51 AM
 
Jessy1019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Flemington, NJ
Posts: 3,222
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would definitely show her. It's not any different than seeing a cow get milked . . . why would it be inappropriate? That's how babies eat, it's what they eat, etc.

Proud Anti-Adoption, Atheist, Reproductive-Freedom Fighter Mama
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
Jessy1019 is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 09:55 AM
 
Kelly1101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 3,801
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's a natural request, but it's up to you whether or not you want to show her. Your body belongs to you, so if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't, and if you feel comfortable with it, go ahead.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

Kelly1101 is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 09:57 AM
 
Mosaic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: La vida loca
Posts: 3,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree it's a natural, normal request, and I don't feel that it would be inappropriate to show her because it is a very natural, healthy, and just darn impressive process! Just keep in mind that if she's anything like MY DD, she will then explain how all of this works to every random stranger in the grocery store, etc.

That said, if *you* feel uncomfortable showing her, either because of your own feelings or those of your DH, I wouldn't recommend it. Your DD will likely pick up on that tension and may feel badly for asking the question or may be confused about what's ok and what's not. I think that if it is outside of your comfort limits, you could explain just that.

Mi vida loca: full-time WOHM, frugalista, foodie wannabe, 10+ years of TCOYF 

 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T spells BRAND NEW User Agreement!!

Mosaic is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 10:05 AM
 
beckyand3littlemonsters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Leeds, England
Posts: 3,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't really see anything "inappropriate" however if you don't feel comfortable then don't do it.

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

Xander 19/05/2011
angel.gif 19.05.2012 angel.gif 18.08.2012 angel.gif 24.05.2013 angel.gif 25.6.2013 belly.gif 04.09.2014 uc.jpg

beckyand3littlemonsters is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 12:50 PM
 
annethcz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: on the beautiful prairie of MN
Posts: 9,825
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I pretty much agree with the others. It seems like a normal, appropriate request from your DD. But if you're not comfortable with it, it's okay to deny the request as well.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
I'm an unintentional weasel feeder and I suck at proofreading.
annethcz is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 12:52 PM
 
lnitti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,567
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my dd1 was 3 when I was preggo with dd2. She had the same request when she was 3. I squeezed some out and showed her. dd1 was formula fed, so it was something very different for her to know about breastfeeding.

I guess I assumed it to be a normal and natural question. I didn't see it as inappropriate.
lnitti is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 03:14 PM
 
LynnS6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pacific NW longing for the Midwest
Posts: 12,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Natural and normal.

I remember being at a party and nursing dd, and one of my colleague's kids who was about 5 came over and asked what I was doing. I explained. He was fascinated (he was adopted so didn't breastfeed) and asked to see the milk. I showed him. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I did want to make breastfeeding normal and natural. (Hopefully I didn't shock his folks too much.)

Lynnteapot2.GIF, academicreading.gif,geek.gif wife, WOHM  to T jog.gif(4/01) and M whistling.gif (5/04)
LynnS6 is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 03:20 PM
 
Pepper44's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Central Kentucky
Posts: 2,095
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it's a normal request, kids are curious and it's not something that could be considered sexual on any level like asking to see DH's penis or anything along those lines.

My 3 year old DD is very curious about all kinds of things, we just don't make a big deal out of it and gently remind her (when needed) that it's not appropriate to talk about things with those outside of our house, and so on. You know one day out of the blue she asked me if my pubic hairs ever get tangled and if they do, do I have to go to the doctor to get them shaved?

Momma to Sweet Rosie 7/06, Lost Baby J 1/09 at 12 weeks pregnant, Spitfire Ada born 4/21/10, and Baby Boy due July/August 2013!
Aspiring urban homesteader, photographer, homeschooling momma! Blog link in my profile. 

Pepper44 is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 04:30 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,668
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
If she is just curious about what it looks like then maybe you could squeeze some onto your finger in private and then show her. You could also get some books from the library that show babies nursing if that is more comfortable for you. I don't think you should do something you and your dh are uncomfortable about.
One_Girl is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 05:03 PM
 
honeybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: West MI
Posts: 2,899
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It sounds like YOU didn't think it was out of the normal until your dh said something. Go ahead and show her. Some day she will have breasts, too.

Melissa crochetsmilie.gif, wife to Tom geek.gif, mom to The Baron modifiedartist.gif, the Bean superhero.gif, Little Bear diaper.gif, and Baby Beaver babyboy.gif
honeybee is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 05:44 PM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 8,928
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Why would it be out of the norm? Heck, it's down right fascinating when you think about it. Breasts producing sustenance for babies... I say show her. It's not like she's never seen a breast before right? And she will have them eventually herself.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 05:45 PM
 
averlee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,041
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My first thought was, a lot of lucky 3 year olds, and even a few lucky 5 year olds, still nurse. Anything to do with mama's breasts during this age range is probably really ok.
averlee is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Neither dh or I were breastfed, and I do think that has something to do with his comfort level with things.

For the record I would never ever show dss this lol. He has a lot of books and knows pretty much all he should know at this point and I will always answer his questions honestly. I think he "peeked" out of normal teenage curiosity.

If you ask my 2 ds about breastfeeding, they claim they remember being nursed and are not fazed at all about it. Ds1 is actually really pressing me to donate breastmilk after my surrogacy. I breastfed my boys until they were 3 1/2 about, they weaned themselves.

I see nothing wrong with showing her, but my dh made me second guess myself (silly I know). I mean dd was breastfed, I didn't feel strange about that at all, so why would I feel strange showing her? idk I guess I will not seek her out for it, but when she asks again (and she will lol) I will take her into a private room and show her.

I also think my dh has some weird attachment to my breasts lol, it might be kinda greed also about it. I know that sounds silly, but he would always say things like " I am glad you are nursing, but I really miss them being mine". I would always say, "wow yours? so these swollen cracked nipples hurt you?" lol

Anyways I think he is just thinking about breasts in a sexual manner, and I think if there is any lessons to be learned it should probably be his lesson to learn about relaxing a bit.

But ya never know, when he took baths with my dd (even as a small baby) he wore swim trunks in the tub.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 05:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wanted to add a big huge THANK YOU!!!

I was a little worried people might not reply because it is a touchy subject for some, but I am super happy you all replied.


Thanks for taking the time to help out!

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 05:54 PM
 
KBinSATX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by annethcz View Post
I pretty much agree with the others. It seems like a normal, appropriate request from your DD. But if you're not comfortable with it, it's okay to deny the request as well.
KBinSATX is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 06:07 PM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think it's a big deal. If you don't want to, just keep ignoring the request, or don't bring it up again and see if she stops asking. If she brings it up again, and you are fine with it, then give it a shot.
nextcommercial is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 06:12 PM
 
onyxravnos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Posts: 2,455
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
normal. dsd (6 years) has always been very interested in my breast feeding and how that works./ i thought it was because she was bottle fed but even other similarity aged BFed children are interested. i'd show her. it's neat! it's magical! it's natural.

transtichel.gifAk Hippie mama  ribbonpb.gifYamia  DSD '03 blahblah.gif  DS '07 ribboncesarean.gif  DS2 '09  hbac.gif & DS3  uc.jpg '12

homeschool.gifwinner.jpgfamilybed2.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcd.gifgd.gif

 

onyxravnos is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 06:21 PM
 
To-Fu's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the base ship
Posts: 4,445
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mosaic View Post
I agree it's a natural, normal request, and I don't feel that it would be inappropriate to show her because it is a very natural, healthy, and just darn impressive process! Just keep in mind that if she's anything like MY DD, she will then explain how all of this works to every random stranger in the grocery store, etc.

That said, if *you* feel uncomfortable showing her, either because of your own feelings or those of your DH, I wouldn't recommend it. Your DD will likely pick up on that tension and may feel badly for asking the question or may be confused about what's ok and what's not. I think that if it is outside of your comfort limits, you could explain just that.
Yes to all this.

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
To-Fu is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 07:04 PM
MJB
 
MJB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 1,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My oldest son nursed until 5 so it seems totally appropriate to me. They see me naked all the time, we all change and shower together at the Y. No one is especially modest around here.
MJB is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 07:25 PM
 
Ellien C's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the middle ages
Posts: 5,496
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You've been given good advice. Heck - *I* didn't know what milk looked like coming out of breasts until the LC squeezed some colostrum out of mine at the hospital.

Here's a good one. My 7 yo was at the birth of her baby brother 2 weeks ago and saw me getting stitched up from a vaginal tear. At least she was there - I don't know if she watched. Well now she wants to see the stitches. What was Ok in the hospital moments after birth is not OK with me now. i just said it was private.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
Ellien C is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
You've been given good advice. Heck - *I* didn't know what milk looked like coming out of breasts until the LC squeezed some colostrum out of mine at the hospital.

Here's a good one. My 7 yo was at the birth of her baby brother 2 weeks ago and saw me getting stitched up from a vaginal tear. At least she was there - I don't know if she watched. Well now she wants to see the stitches. What was Ok in the hospital moments after birth is not OK with me now. i just said it was private.
I would have to agree with you there... I would NOT be comfortable showing va jay jay stitches to my dd.. She did see my c/section staples in the hospital the last time and cried and hugged me. It was very sweet. She asked to see where the baby came out. I did teach her that babies come out better when they come out the "right" way, but she understood the doctors had to take them out of my tummy. I was worried at first that she would think all babies come out of tummies like that, but she got it.

lol she told grandma that "When I have a baby, its gonna come out of my China, not my tummy". lol she can't say it the right way, but I thought it was cute.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 07:52 PM
 
Subhuti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Jeta Grove
Posts: 1,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Natural!

Kids. I got two of 'em.
Subhuti is offline  
Old 04-02-2010, 09:34 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,019
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
It doesn't seem like a weird question for a little kid.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
Old 04-03-2010, 02:38 AM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)
the next step is - she might be curious and want to taste too.

i would find that absolutely normal. and i would give her some in a little teaspoon. (just in case she does ask).

my then dh and i were curious too and tasted a teaspoon of it ourselves. so why not a little child.

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
Old 04-03-2010, 05:30 PM
 
neetling's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: safe in God's arms
Posts: 3,265
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Totally normal. When our youngest (hes 3 today *sniff sniff*) was born our oldest was 4 and wanted to try nursing again. I let her and she said "I don't think so" and went about her merry way. I figured it took the mystery away. She had to wean when she was 15 months old so she doesn't remember nursing. Our middle daughter wanted to a few times (she was just about 3) and I let her too. Both girls weaned when I was pregnant with the next baby.

Now my youngest knows entirely too much about my Diva Cup. I'd rather not have had to explain that to him yet, but he busted in the bathroom at an inopportune time. Now he knows my period cup goes into my "tagina" and not my butt.
neetling is offline  
Old 04-05-2010, 06:31 AM
 
lucysmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: in absentia
Posts: 542
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by neetling View Post

Now my youngest knows entirely too much about my Diva Cup. I'd rather not have had to explain that to him yet, but he busted in the bathroom at an inopportune time. Now he knows my period cup goes into my "tagina" and not my butt.

Loving Lucy Amelia
"light makes it better"
lucysmom is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off