Please help me like my 4yo :( - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-08-2010, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Of course I love him, but I don't like him a lot of the time. He's too loud, too bossy, wakes up too early, prods/pokes me to wake me up too until I threaten to throw him off the bed (I did that today ), is too rough with the baby, makes me struggle for EVERYthing.

I haven't slept a full night for a week, have been up almost half the night w/ a teething, sick baby, my shoulders are sore from carrying the babe ALL day because nothing else is good enough for him and have been resorting to the TV babysitter a LOT. I'm tired and cranky myself. :yawning

Please tell me I'm not alone or as crappy a mom as I think I'm being right now.
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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Does he have a preschool he could go to, give you a bit of a break, him some extra stimulation?

I never found 2 or 3 to be hard, but as my friend once called them, the f@#$ing 4s can be really trying.

Sounds like you really need a break, I hope you can find one for yourself.

-Melanie
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Old 04-08-2010, 12:16 PM
 
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I agree, four was REALLY hard with DS (and eek! DD is going to turn four in May). I found my DS needed much firmer limits. It's like he was out of control, and really wanted me to rein him in. Gently, of course. But it was like a big transition from toddler to little kid.

My advice is to pick one thing for a couple weeks and really work on it. Hang in there. It will pass, but I know it's tough when you're in the middle of it.
-e

Momma to 8 y.o. DS and 5 y.o. DD. Married to a Maker!

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Old 04-08-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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Not loving 4, here, either... She is SO bossy and obnoxious *sigh* I'm really trying to do the playful parenting thing and be accepting but it's *really* hard, lately...

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

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Old 04-08-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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The 4's are very hard, but I love 5, and 6 is great so far too, so it does get better. MDO/preschool might help - or maybe a mother's helper to entertain him while giving you some space.
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Old 04-08-2010, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank for the replies...i wrote that in the early-morning haze when things seemed so much more dire he's not an unruly kid by a long shot, just...tests my patience a lot right now. of course having the cranky baby doesn't help either.

anyhoo, i'm feeling much better now and i'm actually going out the door to drop him to 2x/week preschool. Can't wait until Sept when he starts Pre-K full-time! I think we both need that break now.

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Old 04-08-2010, 01:23 PM
 
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I am glad to hear that you are feeling better adn will be getting some time to focus on just the baby and yourself. I agree with the PPs that 4 can be hard age in its own way - that transition into becoming a kid can be tough on everybody as they are trying to spread their wings, test their independence, while still being needy for attention. Probably not easy with a baby in the picture, as the baby will often get the more immediate attention. Preschool can help as can giving him some of your undivided attention each day that he can depend on, as a baby can make an older child feel like they are suddenly in second place, and can resort to attracting negative attention.

In the meantime, just know that this too shall pass...and hang in there!

Apparently doing it rong and ruining it for everyone, but I don't give a crap anymorebanana.gif

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Old 04-08-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by amma_mama View Post
that transition into becoming a kid can be tough on everybody as they are trying to spread their wings, test their independence, while still being needy for attention.
Replace "kid" with "adult" and the description is the same for teenagers. Which makes me crazy for having an almost-4-year-old at home and a 21 middle school kids that I teach. I am CONSTANTLY setting limits while trying to be playful and fair. It is EXHAUSTING. Luckily I love dd because she is my wonderful daughter and I love my students because that's just what teachers (well, most of us anyway) do.

DD drives me bonkers some days. Last night I almost lost it when she just kept adding little nuances to the bedtime routine. She's developed this mental image of what bedtime should be without telling anyone. Woe to the person (me) that doesn't sit in exactly the right spot on her bed while she turns out the lights. We aren't quite into 4 yet, but that isn't stopping her from thinking she's "FOUR and a HALF" (in her words) and acting like a little tyrant sometimes.
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:00 AM
 
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Woe to the person (me) that doesn't sit in exactly the right spot on her bed while she turns out the lights.
Whoa, I thought only my 4yo did that!

I've noticed that the busier I keep DS, the better things are. His mind is just soo active that if I don't come up with things, he will, and what he comes up with usually involves something inappropriate (climbing, getting into stuff he's not supposed to, making huge messes). Preschool has really helped. He's really into craft projects, playing school (I've been picking up PreK & K workbooks at the dollar store) organizing things (not so much in his own room but the movie cabinet and tupperware and stuff like that).
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Old 04-09-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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I had similar issues with my ds. One thing that helped was for me to do things with him alone. Even if it was just watching a video, or reading a book, but with baby sister out with dad. We went to a movie, a bookstore, he didn't really care, he just knew it was time meant for him. I think a lot of annoying behavior is to get our attention. It really helped us reconnect. I hope you can find a way to do that, too. My ds is 6 now, and the time just flies.
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Old 04-10-2010, 11:27 PM
 
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Ya know, I love my daughter, but the truth is, preschoolers make horrible room mates. Messy, loud, break my stuff, harass my cats, keep weird hours, leave their things everywhere, pee on the floor...it's worse than college, I swear.
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Old 04-13-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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I could just not read this without posting a big hug AND saying... this too shall pass. Write it on a poster board and tape it to your fridge. It WILL pass. I promise.

The other thing I'm going to say - risking onslaught of rotten tomatoes - is that some kids (especially boys IMO) NEED preschool. They need to get out of the house, have a consistent schedule, keep their little minds busy, and do it without mommy. Honest. I know that won't win me any AP points, but plenty of very nice mommies and previously very awful 3-4-5 year-olds I know have been muuuuch happier after a good preschool program got underway.

duh just read the update. Glad to see things are looking up!!!
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Old 04-13-2010, 10:13 PM
 
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I heard an older lady from church say..

terrible twos
terrific threes
frustrating fours
fabulous fives

I don't know where she got it, but it seems to fit...

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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Old 04-13-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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I'm glad it's getting better. It's hard having a preschooler and a baby!

I want to encourage you that being consistent with him as far as how you discipline will pay off. My dd went through a STAGE at about 3 3/4 where she was just obnoxious, and I did my absolute best (tho I still failed a lot) to not let her get away with anything I didn't want her to continue. After a particularly rough week (I also had a 1 yr old and was quite pg) it was like something just clicked, she breathed a sigh of relief, like "oh, ok, Mama really is in charge, I can stop testing every limit now" and we really turned a corner.

You can do it Mama!

As far as early mornings--can you do something like have a morning basket of special activities he can only play with until the clock chimes/alarm goes off? Can you set out a small bowl of cereal and a cup of milk in the fridge so he could get his own breakfast to give you more snooze time? Can you get up to put in a special morning only video and then have a lie in til it's over?

Just throwing out ideas because personally, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!

Jessica: wife to my farmer and homeschooling mama to three girls and two boys

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Old 04-14-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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I have enjoyed my 4 year olds for the most part, but DS #2 (who will be 5 in June) definitely has his trying moments. I also have a 7yo and am 8 months pregnant, so we have our days around here and I have totally been where you are!

I think that redirection still works really well for my 4yo- for example, this morning I was running late and he was whining about the color shorts I was putting on him, and wouldn't let up. I changed the topic to "so, have you though about which legos you want to bring in the car?" and the next thing I know, his feet were going into the shorts and his mind was on something else that was more interesting. This works often, and if not, being imaginative or playful works wonders.

I find that when I'm in my adult world, he doesn't respond nearly as coopertively to anything. For example, he still wakes us often at night (and early in the morning) and I'm pregnant and exhausted so I get really grumpy about it. If I try to reason with him about why I need sleep, and/or get mad and throw him out of my room (which I too, have done!) he responds by being aggressive or annoying. If I make up some cool story about how he has to go in his room, which is now a submarine, and float through the ocean looking for lost treasure, then before he knows it I'll be awake and making breakfast on the seashore when he comes up. It works really well!!

I enjoy the fours, but that's because three was so terribly hard for both of my kids and I really enjoy watching him come into his own little personality, and seeing the joy he gets from having independence, etc...It can still be frustrating but there's a lot more reasoning ability and cooperation skills than there were a year ago! And the 5's are even better! 7 on the other hand, that's a whole different topic- LOL!! Hugs mama!

Jessica, Mom of Three
Ethan (age 7)
Alex (age 4.5)
Baby Girl due this spring!!!

Jessica- married to David- parenting our 3 monkeys- DS #1 (age 7) DS #2 (age 4) and a brand new DD (born 5/10/10)
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Old 04-14-2010, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think that redirection still works really well for my 4yo- for example, this morning I was running late and he was whining about the color shorts I was putting on him, and wouldn't let up. I changed the topic to "so, have you though about which legos you want to bring in the car?" and the next thing I know, his feet were going into the shorts and his mind was on something else that was more interesting. This works often, and if not, being imaginative or playful works wonders.
We would both have strangled each other if he weren't distractible..lol. Half my day goes into finding other things to talk about while I get him to do what I want done

That's the thing..he's always been such an easgoing kid (never had trouble with twos and threes) that I guess I'm spoilt. I did NOT see this coming but we're coping. I'm anxiously waiting for the fab fives as all of you have promised me Thankfully I'm liking him again the last 2 days since we've been out almost every day.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:03 PM
 
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You poor thing!

The year before kindergarten is such a pain in the neck!!!

Plus, you are overtired. I hope you can sleep soon, it gets SOOOO much easier after a full week's sleep.
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Old 04-14-2010, 09:53 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread!
My boy turns 4 tomorrow and seems to be getting more and more difficult. I'm glad to hear it is age appropriate behaviour.
I have no input at this point as we're just getting into it and I'm just trying to figure it out but I appreciate all the input of others.
Gotta love the mdc mommas.
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:03 AM
 
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Ya know, I love my daughter, but the truth is, preschoolers make horrible room mates. Messy, loud, break my stuff, harass my cats, keep weird hours, leave their things everywhere, pee on the floor...it's worse than college, I swear.
I really needed this. Thanks!

Mom to two lovely girls, 4 and 3. SAHW/M in need of sleep.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:05 PM
 
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Fours were really hard here too. Ds was four , dd was one. It really did help once he started preschool. He needed more interaction, and i just wasn't able to take him out on my own as much as he would have liked. Now he is 6, and this is one of my favorite ages yet. He's just so cool! Sure i still get a few tantrums, and back talking but its rare and more easy to deal with on an irregular basis.
DD will turn 4 next year - She has already started the bossiness, and this girl can give me the most evil eye! I'm scared

E Veg*n Mom to ds 6 : dd 3
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