Take 8-year-old to memorial service? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is that too young? The memorial service is for my mom's SO of 20 years, so a significant person to my DD. DD was very, very upset when he died (back in December). Next month, there is going to be a memorial service at his church, and the cremains are going to be buried in their memorial garden. I'm not sure whether to bring DD--she is sensitive, and very scared right now of death, ghosts, etc. But DH thinks it will be good for her to go. Would you bring her if you were me?
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#2 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 05:44 PM
 
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I'd probably leave it up to her. Let her know what the memorial entails, and she can decide if she wants to attend or stay home.

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#3 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 06:31 PM
 
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Yep, I'd let her decide. My son's 8 and very sensitive about death. If my mom's so died, I know he'd be very upset, but he'd probably want to go to a memorial service.
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#4 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 07:30 PM
 
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Yes, I would. I think it's important to have children see the memorial, remember the person and be able to grieve with everyone else. At 8, she's old enough to not be a disturbance to people and old enough to get something out of it.

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#5 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 08:11 PM
 
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I would let her decide.

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#6 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 10:46 PM
 
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If she wanted to go, I would definitely bring her. I would probably encourage my child at age 8 to go.
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#7 of 11 Old 04-30-2010, 11:16 PM
 
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I would take her, unless she was opposed to it. I think it would be good for her, it might help with her fears. The unknown is scarier than reality.

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#8 of 11 Old 05-01-2010, 12:32 AM
 
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I agree letting her decide is best....I also agree with your DH. It will likely be a helpful experience for her.

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#9 of 11 Old 05-01-2010, 12:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eclipse95 View Post
If she wanted to go, I would definitely bring her. I would probably encourage my child at age 8 to go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BunnySlippers View Post
I would take her, unless she was opposed to it. I think it would be good for her, it might help with her fears. The unknown is scarier than reality.
I wouldn't force an 8 year old to go, but I would make going be the default position and make them be truly opposed to not take them. My brother died 2.5 years ago, so when my kids were 5 & 8 and both of them attended the memorial. Last year when their great grandpa died (so at 10 & 7) they both also attended.

 

 

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#10 of 11 Old 05-01-2010, 12:36 AM
 
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I would take her if she wants to go.

When dh's grandmother died two years ago we took ds and dd1 to the visitiation/memorial service. They were 6 and 4 years old at the time. It allowed them to grieve with the family and gave them some sense of closure to the loss.

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#11 of 11 Old 05-01-2010, 05:49 AM
 
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yes i absolutely agree - esp. with v. close family - a memorial service helps find closure, really helps kids. however i think its also important to ask your dd what she wants to do and if she sounds indecisive then gently encourage her to go.

dd at 5 lost two of her favourite persons within months of each other. stepgma had a memorial service in which she sang. gpa didnt want anything, so dd and i invited a friend and we did a v. ritualistic service just for dd and me and that really really helped dd find closure.

21/2 years later she still cries when something reminds her esp. of gpa.

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