The bottom line about food battles is: Your child will always win. You cannot force them to eat.
My feeling is that if you make sure he gets whole grains, and that the only things you offer for snacks are fruit, he'll be OK. I would serve a 'normal' family meal, but start with the broccoli/veggies. So, put those on his plate for him to nibble on while you get the rest of the meal on the table. Then, make sure that there is one thing each meal that he will eat. Then let him choose.
I have a husband with major sensory issues, and food is a huge issue for him. He eats no
fruits and veggies, and it's because his parents forced the issue when he was a child. Because of that, I'm very very into letting my children choose their own foods.
Because of dh, I can't cook many mixed things. I also can't hide foods because he can detect infinitesimal amounts. Really. Once I added 4 oz of pureed carrots to the tomato sauce (the only veggie he eats), and he could tell. So, I've learned to cook things separately and combine them at the table. Over time, our kids have gotten more creative with their foods, though they still don't like a lot of stuff combined. A lot of kids don't.
You might get a little 'creative' for yourselves so as to mix things up. So, for example, you might serve a pasta sauce over spaghetti squash so that pasta simply isn't on the table. If you son chooses just to eat the chicken from that meal, OK. He'll get his carbs and veggies elsewhere. Or serve things over beans rather than rice. Again, your son can choose to try it or not.
FWIW, my dd has two veggies she'll eat: peas (cooked) and carrots (raw). She'll eat corn (which I consider a starch, not a veggie), and we just got her to eat mashed potatoes this year. (She's 5, turning 6.) She does like fruit and will eat it, but like your son, she's prefers starch and protein. Given that my dh eats no
veggies and fruit, I'm thrilled that dd eats 2 veggies at her age. I figure as she gets older and her taste buds 'mature' (as my mother says), she'll add to her palate. Ds has added tomatoes and sometimes green beans if they come directly from the garden.
Then there's our ds. Every single day
this year at school he's had the same lunch
: 1/2 a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, an apple and a few goldfish crackers. Some days all he eats are 1-2 bites of the sandwich, the apple and the crackers. He does eat a more varied diet at home, but apparently he needs the predictability of his lunch at school.
Finally, I'd recommend a couple other books:Kids, Parents & Power Struggles
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (I like this one better than the Spirited Child, probably because it's more updated)Just Take a Bite
-- this one is about food aversions (which I don't think you have), but it might give you some ideas/insights.Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good SenseThe Explosive Child:
A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children -- I don't know if this applies to you, but it might be something to think about.