Is this normal? My 6 year old boy is thinking about girls - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 05-04-2010, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know if this is "normal" or if it's a sign of my son being exposed to things he's too young to be exposed to somewhere. He's 6, and he's made a few comments to me about girls.

The first was the most alarming--he was 5 1/2 and he told me in a shy way that he liked to lay in his bed and touch his penis and think about having a girlfriend. I tried not to act shocked and told him thank you for telling me that, and that was very normal, and asked him if anyone had ever touched him or asked him to touch them, and he said no.

He's pretty sheltered as to what he watches on TV, but he did watch ICarly and Big Time Rush when I wasn't home, so I blocked them. He does spend time at my sister-in-law's and she has a 16 year old son, a 21 year old son, and a 22 year old daugher that lives with her, so I thought maybe he heard or saw something from one of them. I mean, I know it's normal for a boy to touch his penis at that age, but I was shocked that he would make a connection between touching his penis and "having a girlfriend."

Then a few days ago, when he was going to bed, he asked me if he could have a pillow to hug. He then said, "I can't believe I'm going to tell you this, but I like hug a pillow when I dream about beautiful women." I said, you can tell me anything, I'm glad you trusted me to tell me that. I asked him if he dreams about a particular woman. He said, she wears a red skirt, has red boots, and she loves me, too.

I'm very concerned! Is it "normal" for 6 year olds to be having these kinds of thoughts? Is it a sign that something's happening to him that I'm not aware of? Any thoughts or shared experiences would be appreciated! Thanks!
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#2 of 13 Old 05-04-2010, 07:46 PM
 
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I think I'd be thinking the same thing you are at this point- wondering where he got those thoughts from? Surely a 6yo couldn't come up with that on their own.

My sons and I have had many talks about touching penises- I always want them to know that it's normal and fine for little boys to enjoy touching themselves (in private) and so we've had a lot of discussion about that. Even recently my older DS asked me WHY it feels good, and I went so far as to explain that when he gets older and is grown up, that it will be something he will enjoy with his partner- this seemed to satisfy a LOT of his questions (I think he was wondering what the purpose was of having a penis, LOL). But surely a 6yo couldn't come up with the association of having a penis and women at this young age without hearing or seeing it somewhere.

I'd probably get to the bottom of it by asking him where he heard about that, etc...it could be that he overheard the teenagers talking about something he shouldn't have, or caught a glimpse of something on TV- hard to tell! I haven't heard my kids say anything inappropriate yet so I think I'd be in shock as well!!

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#3 of 13 Old 05-04-2010, 07:58 PM
 
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I don't think it's that far out there. If you've talk to him about how babies are made, he's bound to make the connection eventually. I do know someone who made the connection that early and she never experienced anything inappropriate, she just knew that the reason it felt good was because when she got older should would have a boyfriend with whom she would do things like that.

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#4 of 13 Old 05-04-2010, 08:36 PM
 
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I don't think it's that far out there either.

Let's assume, he's seen men and women kiss, or be affectionate in some way. Surely he can't be that sheltered. Even the jewlerly ads on tv show kissing.

He might just have a very affectionate personality, and it looks nice to him.

That doesn't mean he thinks about sex the same way an adult does.

At his age, I had a crush on Eddie from "The courtship of eddies Father". The guy with the afro on "The Mod squad". David Cassidy (who didn't?) and my camp counselor. I thougth about hugging them all the time. I was always interested in boys/men. (i also had a small girl crush on Jodi foster)

And, now, as an adult, I am only slightly twisted.
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#5 of 13 Old 05-04-2010, 08:49 PM
 
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I have memories of sexual thoughts and feelings going back at least as far as when I was six, and no history of abuse. My husband remembers noticing attractive women in pre-school (he had a crush on one particular teacher who he thought was pretty). Children, especially boys, do have physical responses to sexual stimuli this early, so it's not hard to make the connection between touching the penis and imaginary beautiful women.

I think you're handling this very well and very calmly. It's a good opening to check in and make sure that no one is disrespecting his boundaries and to reassure him that this kind of pleasure is normal.

And I'm a sucker for a sweet story, so I love that he specifically says that his imaginary girlfriend loves him back. That's such an important point.
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#6 of 13 Old 05-04-2010, 09:51 PM
 
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Is it possible that he is going through early puberty? It is very early, but feelings like that come about during puberty sometimes. I think you should also ask about what he is viewing at the other house. Kids who watch more adult oriented material do tend to pick up on things that are startling.
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#7 of 13 Old 05-05-2010, 01:52 AM
 
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When ds was in kindergarten, the teachers told us in the spring that it was pretty common for kids to get interested in boyfriend/girlfriend kinds of things at this age. I don't remember exactly what they told me, but they said it was developmentally pretty normal and benign. (But we should keep an eye on playdates, just in case curiosity got the better of them.)

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#8 of 13 Old 05-05-2010, 03:25 AM
 
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i dont know.

however i thought i'd share a little bit which might help. i hope.

there is something to early puberty. my dd went thru what i call early puberty at 5 1/2. she was totally hormonal - showing PMSing behaviour like mood swings, etc . not too long after that she started underarm odor. serious adult underarm odor. the intensity of the adult was there but not too much in amount so we dont need deodorant.

my ex told me he started looking at girls bodies when he was 9 years old.

you are a brave mama for posting what i would say is probably a taboo subject. i think in the realm of things this is normal. more than we hear of it.

i am sure many sons are not that free to tell mama those sorta things

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#9 of 13 Old 05-05-2010, 07:58 AM
 
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Chiming in to say that it would seem to be normal.....my son was 6 at the end of January; within the first few weeks of Knidergarten he was talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, but that was in a generic way kind of testing out what my responses were to the topic. He just in the past couple months he has become talkative about a specific girl that he likes (he does the classic denial while smiling a mile wide and blushing thing). He has not, however, gone into such detail as your son about his affections and ideas. I commend you for how you handled it, and am filing your responses away for future reference!!

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#10 of 13 Old 05-05-2010, 11:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, mamas, for making me feel better! My instincts tell me everything is fine with him, but I wanted to get some feedback.
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#11 of 13 Old 05-05-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
And, now, as an adult, I am only slightly twisted.
I love this, made me LOL!
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#12 of 13 Old 05-05-2010, 04:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChasingPeace View Post
Thanks, mamas, for making me feel better! My instincts tell me everything is fine with him, but I wanted to get some feedback.
Then that's what you should listen to

My ds is 6 1/2 and is starting to talk about girls "mama... I love girls so much". There is one girl in particular that he really likes at school (his paraeducator at school has told me the feeling is mutual between the two and that he and the teachers are constantly having to tell them to stop touching the other- holding hands, hugging, etc). He's never put any connection between girls and his penis though, that I know of.

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#13 of 13 Old 05-06-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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I just wanted to add that my 6 1/2 year old DD is having thoughts like this.

I'm 99% sure that she is simply having a physical response to her growing body and mind. She is aware enough to connect her feelings to sexuality but not really thinking about sex as we adults do. She only 6 after all so things like holding hands, slow dancing, and kissing are pretty big deals for her. That seems to be the hight of her sexual thoughts.

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