6yo dd hurt her cousin! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-07-2010, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This morning my 6yo dd stabbed her same age cousin with a sewing pin!

When I asked her why, she said "no reason" and seemed pretty non-plussed about it until I stressed how do you think cuz felt when you did that? How would you feel if she did that to you?

It just freaks me out! She has never been violent or a "torturer" and what bothers me most is that she seemed to have no tug at her conscience about it until I "made her" feel guilty about it! I don't want to artificially create her response, but it really bothered me that she didn't seem to see a problem with doing this until I put her in time out and made a big deal out of it.

Tell me my kid's not becoming a sociopath! Eeek! I understand kids do stuff like this, but what bothers me is that she didn't see anything wrong with it on her own . . . I just want her to know hurting others is never okay and think about other people's feelings.

Happy and in love with my family!
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#2 of 9 Old 05-07-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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She's not becoming a sociopath. Unless this is common, she was just being mean. We all have mean thougths, and kids tend to act on them.

Haven't you ever seen someone squatting over, putting something on a shelf or just bent down and had even the slightest urge to kick them in the butt?

Of course, you wouldn't DO it... but, it must cross your mind.

We all have that "I wonder what would happen if I did......" but, we think ahead, and it goes no further. Kids tend to do it first, then think "Ohhh... that was a bad idea"

I hope her cousin is OK, and forgives her soon.
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#3 of 9 Old 05-07-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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I don't think she is becoming a sociopath, she may just not like her cousin that much and so she say nothing wrong with poking him when he annoyed her in a way that she couldn't put a finger on. My dd told me about pushing a boy recently and it really shocked me too because she is normally gentle and hasn't hurt anyone for years (even then it was a very rare thing). She had no problem telling me she pushed him and didn't feel badly about it at all. We talked about the circumstances surrounding the pushing and she told me that she doesn't like him because he gets to close to her and talks too much when she is trying to listen to the teacher. We also talked about being gentle even when someone is super annoying and what to do in those situations and she hasn't done this ever since. I am fine with her only being gentle because she agreed to rather than because she actually cares about this boys feelings because she normally cares about how everyone feels and because I think that as she gets older she will continue see that being gentle even to people who are incredibly annoying is the right thing.
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#4 of 9 Old 05-07-2010, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

Haven't you ever seen someone squatting over, putting something on a shelf or just bent down and had even the slightest urge to kick them in the butt?

Of course, you wouldn't DO it... but, it must cross your mind.
Yes!

Okay, thanks for the reassurance, mamas! You are right, and I am probably over-analyzing this. They normally get along very well, and this kind of behavior was so unlike her that it really shocked me and I didn't know how to react.

I am just going to keep encouraging gentleness and empathy and hopefully we will not see any more violent acts toward other people/creatures. This IS an isolated incident so far, so I guess I don't need to worry unless it becomes a pattern.

Happy and in love with my family!
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#5 of 9 Old 05-08-2010, 11:17 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

Haven't you ever seen someone squatting over, putting something on a shelf or just bent down and had even the slightest urge to kick them in the butt?

Of course, you wouldn't DO it... but, it must cross your mind.
Mine is to smack the butt. Hard. I generally don't. Unless I know them very well. Usually.


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#6 of 9 Old 05-08-2010, 06:09 PM
 
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Mine is to smack the butt. Hard. I generally don't. Unless I know them very well. Usually.

Classic!!
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#7 of 9 Old 05-10-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
Haven't you ever seen someone squatting over, putting something on a shelf or just bent down and had even the slightest urge to kick them in the butt?

Of course, you wouldn't DO it... but, it must cross your mind.
Yes, and I have also had urges to tip over the return carts at Wal-mart. Just think of what a nice crash it would make!

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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#8 of 9 Old 05-10-2010, 06:40 PM
 
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Hmm...to be the voice of dissent, I do believe that she should have more self-control and common sense by 6. She knows that a pin is a weapon, and she knows that it would hurt someone. 3-4 yrs old, maybe not so much, but most of the 6 yr olds I know (having a 6 yr old DD as well, and knowing her friends, etc.) would not do something like that and have no response to it when corrected. Unless she's a really 'young' 6...maybe...
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#9 of 9 Old 05-12-2010, 05:05 PM
 
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I was a kid who really didn't like to be corrected. (Ha! I'm still that way. ) I could see myself (as a child) shrugging something like that off because I didn't want to think about being wrong. Her reaction may not indicate an inability to connect with her cousin's feelings, but rather very strong desire that she hadn't given in to that impulse.

When I was a girl I was watching a friend's baby, she was 10 months or so, not yet walking. She was chubby and happy. I was bored. I pinched her to make her cry and then comforted her. Yuck! It still makes me feel bad, and it's been at least 22 years. Long and short, I grew up to be a compassionate and healthy human being. I don't do crazy, mean things like that, and I think that the people who know me consider me to be a very kind and good person.

Have faith in your parenting and in your child. She's experimenting, and you helped her see the results of her actions.
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