Join Date: Jun 2004
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I'm not sure what published guidelines are out there, but I can share what my 5.5-year-old does for self-care if that helps provide a baseline (assuming some others share, as well).
-picks out her own clothes
-gets dressed and undressed by herself (occasional help needed for buttons and zippers on the backs of dresses)
-puts dirty clothes in correct hampers with some prompting
-brushes and flosses own teeth (we put toothpaste on brush and take a turn when she's done)
-helps pick out meals, sets the table
-puts dishes in sink (with LOTS of reminders)
-pours own drinks without spilling
Is that the kind of thing you're thinking of?
OP - something to consider - it TOTALLY depends on the personality of the child. It isn't a race. Maybe your older DDs love language is care, she wants to see how you care for her, so you helping her dress = love to her. Ok, that's a bit simplistic, but you get the idea. And maybe your youngest DD has a totally different love language?
I have a 3.5 yo who can do most of the things on people's list - get dressed/undressed, pick out her clothes (barf, often hurts my eyes), pours own drinks, gets snacks, puts away clean/dirty dishes.... BUT - she is a very independent, "I CAN DO IT MYSELF" girl.
Meanwhile, I also have a 5.5 yo DS, who does not want to do most of the things on the list. He says "I can't, you need to help me mommy." Me picking out his clothes and helping him put them on, to him this means I love him. It's just really not his interest. Now technically he can, because when he is at kindergarten he can dress himself... just fine. Which means there is no worry that there is something wrong, only that it is personality. There are other things, not self-care, that he is totally awsome at. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my two kids are just really different. Though often it's super obvious.
grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08